Trinity Global Development YEAH!

I am so thankful that I have gotten the website posted to the web and I've gotten the paperwork for tax exemption sent to the IRS-the 1023. So I'll be a 501 (c)3 as soon as they notify me and then it will be retroactive to the date I mailed the paperwork--April 6, 2008.

and I'm gearing up for the trip to Kenya, but I've waited so long to ask anyone for donations. My friend Anita is bringing tons of stuff. She's got a huge midwifery poster set and a giant felt storyboard set, among other things. We're bringing childbirth and baby care books. My mom is going to teach hygiene and CPR. She'll take blood pressure readings and I'm not sure what else.

I'm going to be filming footage to use in a promo video so people get a feel for what it is like there.
I pray that Jesus is exalted and that people in Kenya give Him praise as a result of the generosity of those who give to see their lives improve.

My Kenyan Friends

My heart is heavy. Little TJ, Titus Junior, died yesterday. The cause is a mystery right now, but I'm sure they will investigate. He was sleeping and his brother woke him, which startled him--and he could not catch his breath. He died. He is only 6 months old.
His mother was at a wedding and did not hear about it for hours. His father was with the oldest child, Sheila, at her school. They took him to the doctor but it was too late.
I cannot imagine.

when we're in heaven

I was considering heaven. We will be past Rev 20:12 when all of created humanity will be judged before the great white throne of God. the books of our deeds will be opened and reviewed but THE BOOK that matters is the Book of Life. If a person's name is in the Book of Life, they will not be thrown into the lake of fire, the second death (eternal separation from God.)

when the books are reviewed, it is going to stink. Everyone will have to sit through their own public showing of their entire private life. OUCH! The merciful point is that this happens to EVERYONE so after many reviews, there will not be many surprises (i'm guessing at that, of course)

I am imagining AFTER that, when those who are gathered to the Lord forever exist together in oneness with God and each other. I can't imagine that we would not rank ourselves somehow. yet, i feel certain that we will not. we will be fully known. we will be fully loved. we will accept each other because there is no sin.

but if I regret not doing MORE now, or if I see that I was able, by God's grace alone, to do more than another---how will this escape my notice later? Mostly I don't want to be there before God and see all that selfishness and wasted life when He was giving me so many gifts that I spent on myself, my comfort, my pleasure, my entertainment and fun. (I love fun.)

and i went down this road of thought because I am feeling so low and inadaquate after trying to teach while scatterbrained. since I am frequently scatterbrained on my good and gifted days, it makes me all the more discouraged to be scatterbrained AND disturbed. I am grieving for Cindy and her family.

it is not so much my thoughts that bother me, it seems to be my emotions. I may be processing and overtaxing my circuitry. I like to claim I have as many as 9 tracks going on in my head at once. I'm frequently accused of thinking too much. My husband tells me, "Don't think about it, JUST DO IT!" and I am left wondering what that means. How does any person avoid thinking? what does it take to shut off the brain?

the only way I usually shut down is when I am very tired, very sick, or very angry. None of constitute a good state of mind. any other time I am likely thinking of several things at once. and I'm not orderly about it. this can get unnerving when trying to explain something to someone else---and their going to need it in order.

teaching the children today did not go well. I so enjoy them. I wish I could just have fun with them and do whatever I want to do! I wish we could spend more time on the Bible and less time doing homework. and i personally don't care for the playground time--but they really like it, so it must have some value. :-)

enough rambling.
time to go to bed.
I wish I could talk to Cindy. Because she is constantly on my mind, I think of things I want to tell her, but then I remember that I can't do that.
oh how terrible it will be for Steve or me when our other dies. it is natural and normal. and I suppose it would be a tragedy indeed if we were to die at once because it would be such a burden to the children.

is anyone reading? I bless you. I pray God reveal Himself to you. I thank my mom for bringing up something that caused me to revisit this blog. (hence the photo of my mom)
this is a good time.
blog crazy.
but sane in the world.
yeah,
works for me.
thank you Jesus

My friend Cindy passed away on the 14th. I'm posting on a Sunday and last week I was sitting in the Madison, WI airport waiting for her youngest son to arrive so i could rent a car and drive us up to marshfield.

Her oldest son is in the other picture, along with my son Kevin in the middle with his former girlfriend. Kevin was in Chicago to help me move back home. we made sure to get together with Doug. It is always good to see him.

I'm sad. I'm not sad about death. Death doesn't bother me. I even look forward to my own death--and Cindy looked forward to hers. but she wasn't planning on going any time soon. it was abrupt and accidental and cruel.

and I know she relied on the sacrifice of Jesus and He said everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved, and she trusted in Him for her atonement, not in her own works.

but the suddenness and the cruel parts are just hard to swallow. the injustice of it. I am thankful that Jesus will overcome evil with good! He will overcome evil FOR GOOD!

and the song played at the funeral was one of our favorites. we went to the newsboys concert that year. we had the CD (or rather, the cassette, but i bought the CD later). they chose, "Shine"

and I also choose, "Elle G."

the first part doesn't make any sense, and no, Cindy did not kill herself as the girl in the song, but there are questions, there are regrets. How I wish I could talk to her!

thumbs out on a desert road, I am told, leads to nowhere. any shade is as good as the next, if your shadow doesn't go there.

week seven: Did you really assumeI'd find some solace from the letter in your room?next life, could you kindly refrain from throwing yourself at the mercy of a train?

silence all, nobody breathe how in the world could you just leave?you promised you would silence that evil with good

hear me out, I have the floor I'll give you my tears, I'll listen more you promised you would overcome evil with good

maybe this world is a barren place for a soul prone to get lost, but heaven still hounds from the smallest sounds to the cries of the storm-tossed.

week nine: I am writing in the sand any little clue that could help me understand

every whispered secret, every muffled sigh every half-truth that was added to a lie

silence all, nobody move I've got to know now what you hoped to prove you promised you would silence that evil with good

shame feeds guilt, guilt needs release you took it to God you made your peace and swore that you would overcome evil with good

every old demon playing back the crime if they needed blood, I'd have gladly given mine

a Child of the Kingdom; still an invalid

forgive her, please Fathershe don't know what she did

silence all, now go to sleep

the water's free, the well is deep

how can we return

that which we never could earn?

God, I long to see her face

we haven't a hopebeyond Your grace

I know that You will

overcome evil

for good

welcome to my blog, mom!

this is just in case mom logs on.....

Africa

I don't think I've posted for Africa. I don't send this out. Dad, are you out there? let me know if you get notification that I've blogged! :-)

I've been working on getting AID to Kenya and working on community development. I want to help them help themselves through education. The church there is opening a pre-school for orphans. I think tomorrow is the first day of school there. I want to get desks, curriculum, school supplies, and teacher support over there. We also want to build a computer lab and a library.

but that isn't all they need!

I'd like to be sure there is medical assistance, such as malaria treatment, AIDS antiretroviral medications, antibiotics, immunizations. I suppose I don't have to try to get these things there, but I want to do it.
We considered starting a non-profit. it is likely too complicated for our desires and means we will not be in the drivers seat. But a personal foundation needs at least 100,000.....and really more like 1 million. we don't have that.

Trying to find a 501c3 that can we can give through is another tough road. In order to do it ethically, we would need to find someone who already had OUR goals as their stated goals to the IRS. There is the church in Illinois, but they only fund per project. Of course, there IS the chance I could get them onboard for the computer lab, but currently they are working on a community tractor.

i checked with the CDC and I looked up some government grants. For the grants, I need to be a 501c3 or a research institution or higher education or something I'm not. For the CDC, I already need to be a medical person or someone with more education and experience than I have. oh bother.

However, the CDC is working on a program in Kenya, that it wants to bring to Kakamega, related to computer training for medical workers. They want to train them about infectious disease control and use e-learning. I could participate in that. They would not actually benefit my purposes, but I could be a benefit to them. I'm going to look into that further.

I've contacted CHF International to see if they will partner with me. They have some initiatives in Kenya, mainly centered around HIV, but I could possibly help in that arena as well. There are so many people with HIV and many have died from AIDS. There are so many orphans.

I know the government in Kenya is working on water sources and on increases agricultural technology and has money to award for those purposes. I want to learn more about those programs to make sure our friends are applying. We can work on biodigesters of manure and human waste that turn waste into gas for cooking. There is water reclamation or wind or solor power technologies. The biodigesters also have a by-product of a natural non-toxic nitrogen fertilizer. There's plenty of poop to go around, so i think we need to bring these plans to our friends!

I've been asked to come speak in April. I'm so happy about it. Rev. Kutima asked me to come speak at his church's youth conference. I am trying to finalize plans with Steve. I'd like to bring other people with me. I need to get a notice out about that.

it was interesting to read the NY Times and see an article by Bono. He's going to be a regular contributor now. I also want to work on his global initiatives. End poverty! there are millenium development goals of the UN about reducing extreme poverty by 2015. I'm all for it and want to participate.

It always seems you cannot do something unless you already do it. I never quite get that concept. but I am glad that somehow the world goes around with plenty of people who are already doing the things I want to do and so they continue to get to do them. I'd love to be a nurse, but I neither want to work at the education nor work at the job (12 hour shifts, UGH!)
I suppose I never like being tied down and unable to travel. That has its limitations.

but I am so thankful that I have gone to Africa and it is something Mr. can get excited about. He agreed to be open to China, but never quite got it. He's good with Africa and will be going with me in April. I am so excited!

added a blog

I added a blog today, MercySearch, as recommended by Jolene. MercySearch added her on facebook because of their common interests--now I want to contact MercySearch because she does work in Africa.
i haven't posted work in Africa---well, I haven't posted really anything!

God is good, though, and faithful and merciful and wonderful. I pray I bring Him glory!

I'm looking for curriculum to share with the new school there. I'm talking to CHF International about a partnership with them for Kakamega and rural area, Western District, Kenya.

Without absolutes revealed from without by God Himself, we are left rudderless in a sea of conflicting ideas about manners, justice and right and wrong, issuing from a multitude of self-opinionated thinkers. John OwenBiography-Website

If we would talk less and pray more about them, things would be better than they are in the world: at least, we should be better enabled to bear them. John OwenBiography-Website


“The custom of sinning takes away the sense of it, the course of the world takes away the shame of it”
John Owen quote


“Do you mortify? Do you make it your daily work? Be always at it whilst you live; cease not a day from this work; be killing sin or it will be killing you”
John Owen quote


“In the divine Scriptures, there are shallows and there are deeps; shallows where the lamb may wade, and deeps where the elephant may swim”
John Owen quote

from johnowen.org ....a puritan theologian

Oh how todays society hates the Puritans! and so it behooves us to admire them.....


Let our hearts admit, "I am poor and weak. Satan is too subtle, too cunning, too powerful; he watches constantly for advantages over my soul. The world presses in upon me with all sorts of pressures, pleas, and pretences. My own corruption is violent, tumultuous, enticing, and entangling. As it conceives sin, it wars within me and against me. Occasions and opportunities for temptation are innumerable. No wonder I do not know how deeply involved I have been with sin. Therefore, on God alone will I rely for my keeping. I will continually look to Him.

John OwenBiography-Website

12 sins we blame on others

1) Anger

I wouldn’t lose my temper if my co-workers were easier to get along with, or if my kids behaved better, or if my spouse were more considerate.

2) Impatience

I would be a very patient person if it weren’t for traffic jams and long lines in the grocery store. If I didn’t have so many things to do, and if the people around me weren’t so slow, I would never become impatient!

3) Lust

I would have a pure mind if there weren’t so many sensual images in our culture.

4) Anxiety

I wouldn’t worry about the future if my life were just a little more secure—if I had more money, and no health problems.

5) Spiritual Apathy

My spiritual life would be so much more vibrant and I would struggle with sin less if my small group were more encouraging, or if Sunday school were more engaging, or if the music in the worship service were more lively, or if the sermons were better.

6) Insubordination

If my parents/bosses/elders were godly leaders, then I would joyfully follow them.

7) A Critical Spirit

It’s not my fault that the people around me are ignorant and inexperienced.

8) Bitterness

If you knew what that person did to me, you would understand my bitterness. How could I forgive something like that?

9) Gluttony

My wife/husband/roommate/friend is a wonderful cook! The things they make are impossible to resist.

10) Gossip

It’s the people around me who start the conversations. There’s no way to avoid hearing what others happen to say. And when others ask me questions, I can’t avoid sharing what I know.

11) Self-Pity

I’ll never be happy, because my marriage/family/job/ministry is so difficult.

12) Selfishness

I would be more generous if we had more money.

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness. Eleanor Roosevelt

Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give. Eleanor Roosevelt

Quote of the Day
To us there are dark places in the truth. But who can say, in this brief vapor's breath of life, what light might break upon the soul that looks, unwavering, and long enough at some dark spot, with prayer and pondering and hope that it may turn into a portal for the sun?—John Piper, Taste and See, p. 179.

Penelope

Penelope Puppy. a reminder of how God is changing me through HIS effort just as I am changing Penelope by MY effort. She just starts with her puppy DNA and I can either ruin her or mold her for the good.
and God takes me and molds me for the good. For His good. so the onus is upon Him. I remain the eager puppy.

Mister is driving home from MS and I'm praying he drive safely. He's in the new car he bought me, but even though I managed to get him to purchase an automatic transmission (and in another color rather than the RED he was choosing AGAIN. not my fave. it's silver. hooray--black, white, and tan are good too)

tomorrow is mothers day and I'm thinking of my little baby N who is far away. we're going to go to her honey's celebration. we have our 25th anniversary coming up. I want a party but I want my house remodeled as well. we have so much work that we have to do on the house. i was so busy for a few years there. time to clean, repaint, renew and update.

dang, there are so many current fads. like outdoor living. of which i wholeheartedly approve. i always think i'm going to go out there. now with penelope, I do! and we eat dinners out there. we were eating dinners out there when k's fiance would come and when N was here. those were fun days. all the family around and my mom too.

what a blessing that was.

and now things are more quiet.

s has moved out.

mr is calling....

I'M BACK!!!

after so long, my friends, i am secretly blogging.

i went through and read some of my blogs. it was interesting to ME. (maybe not you, but I am SO interesting to ME.

I got on MySpace and another relative is on there. Misters half sis by pops has a pic on misters ex wife of half bro by pops. How's that for interest?

this beautiful flower is a peony I bought at the jefferson and 34th street flower shop when I thought I'd be having so many parties.

22 feels like 8

drove up into the cold after a great time with the N's. No time to write, just to say I am here to pack up and go home. This place is small so it seems as though a move would be easy, but it does take so much thought.

brought a friend with me, makes it fun.

excited to see K/M coming up on Thursday--hope we get to visit DT together.

have had a chance to put more pics on MySpace. weird medium. hoping to get a comment from N.

My baby S has not been feeling good AGAIN. I'm not happy about it. Not sure what I need to do. All those headaches and stomach aches. I'm praying for her and will be home soon.

Bless the Lord, He is good. I feel the abundance. I'm pleased.

staying home today

Today I was going to head up to LR to stay with C and then on to the conference tomorrow. Instead, I am staying home today and going to drive straight through to the conference tomorrow--about 11 hours.

S came in and got in bed this morning. She had a terrible headache all night. I also slept VERY poorly, alternating between too cold and too hot. Mainly I was too cold and when I put on a hat, socks and pillow over my head I would get overheated. But the overhead fan is too much for me and not enough for Mr.

I suppose I am questioning if I should go to the conference. I desire to go and I desire to stay and I don't know which is better. But I think it is better to stay and so I might. Yet I will miss the conference and all the neat people there --all the ideas. I will regret it. So I should go. Waffling. Hmph.

working hard on the ireland tickets for spring break has been a pain in the (body part) EYE! (head, arm, leg, foot, ear)

I guess everyone is going to Ireland. And everyone is coming home. The flights are all booked and we want 6 tickets on one flight and at a low price. ha ha.

but we've got some on hold at Dillards Travel. Mr is calling about that now.

trying to coordinate with K about going up North to get the stuff in the apartment. M wants to go but she cannot take a Monday off. So we have to fly up on a Thursday, pack up on Friday and leave on Saturday? kind of hard. but maybe.

I was trying to make the dates be across Friday feb 2 so I could go to the HDSP party at my advisor's home. should be great fun. I'll miss that too.

If I went to the conference and the party, that would be a nice ending.

I'm not worrying about the future right now. I know I want to keep going to school and that I would like to get a phd and teach. I am still young (always young!) and I'm not dead, so maybe there will be an opportunity.

If I want to use my GRE scores, which are very decent, then I have to enroll somewhere by Fall of 2009. I took the GRE in August 2004 and the scores are only good for five years. I'm not taking that thing again unless I feel desperate or something.

There's a job as an academic advisor at where L goes to school--I wish I'd hear from them about S. There is the MA in counseling where I got my undergraduate. Mr is going to check about jobs at his company---but it is far from his reach of influence. I'd like to work in orientation there or in training. but I'd miss academia. I love being in the school environment...particularly where I was. There was always interesting things to attend, far more than you could ever take in.

Those are my main thoughts. I checked on tuition remission at L's university and you have to work there for five years before you get that. You get it for yourself within one year, but only 20% off children's or spouse's education, but then 40% 2nd year, 60 % 3rd year, something like that. It seemed to stay that no tuition remission benefits begin until after 1 year, so maybe when they say 20% 1st year, they really mean 1st year of elgibility which is 2nd year employment.

More later.

ALL FIXED

These are my "know all about it" culligan water friends. M came over and explained the molecular activity of the resin. It's a chemical reaction (i'm probably describing it wrong) where the calcium binds to these granules as the hard water flows through them. Over time they wear out so they need to be recharged with sodium. Something in the water softener broke and the resin came spilling out into the plumbing. It is safe and harmless--HOORAY! and we just had to flush out all the faucets and such.

THANKS M! WAY TO GO! (really appreciate these guys!)

HELP please identify problem if you recognize this...

Not sure what this stuff is.

Is it granular like sugar except that it doesn't melt into the water. it is in the cold pipe but not the hot water. It has no smell. It is just like the stuff in a coke icey in appearance.

Little piggy

My S is dissecting little piggys. ouch to the little piggy.

I'm at home in texas. nice.

lots of details to attend to.

and in a few days another long drive to memphis for a conference.

checked out MySpace of s and her friends. enlightening, discouraging, not too bad. but didn't like s's photos and didn't like one girl's photos of her and her friends always drinking. she's not 21.

gotta go shower. miss my schoolwork--NOT.

I'll try and post later, my heart is just not in it!

Ed and Anita Nenonen

My friends....I've known E since 1986!! That would be 20 years! He used to work delivering Pizzas at our pizza delivery restaurant--Pizza Express. At the time, he was so depressed wondering what God was doing having him deliver pizzas when he'd gotten his masters in divinity. But HEY! We're in the KINGDOM NOW!

and so all things work together. E remembers me in my pre-Jesus days (ouch!). A met me after I got saved when I visited their church in 1988. Long time ago, eh?

But I went to visit them since they are in the southern part of my school state. Since I will be returning to Texas, I felt it was imperative that I visit them. I had a glorious weekend of fellowship!

Saturday A took me to a youth basketball game where she gave her testimony. Their daughter B also went to a different one. I was like....wow, what a thing to do on a saturday morning. they get up to go give their testimonies! and to think that they do this at a secular event. It was an interesting phenomenon to me. Curious. Blessed!

Then we went to visit her friend J, who does flowers for weddings. I loved her of course! We ate at Tequilas (minus the tequila) and then went and looked at her wedding books full of flower arrangement ideas. OHHHHHH delightful.

Then we went and picked up daughter R and headed over to the bridal shop to look at bridesmaids gowns----OOOOOOOO! super fun.

then that night we (E, A, B, and me) to the Watermark Concert!!!! GOSH I WAS IN HEAVEN! First this boy they know, who is only 13 and goes to their church, opened with 2 worship songs, one was "I can only imagine" Amy Grant sings that, but it may be a regular song that lots of people sing, I heard someone else sing it too. Then he sang another common song and he sang the "Selah" version---I have their worship CD with the song--"You Lift Me Up" and I think some american idol singer sang it too. OH MAN, he was good. He's won some awards and was in nashville, maybe to do a recording? Lord bless him. I met his mom at church on Sunday. Reminded me of best buddy CT. (Love ya honey!)

Then there was a guy, John Cox, and it was good. Then Watermark. She was pregnant with number 3! Woo Hoo! Dead crowd, though, they would clap with a fury that said they loved it, but no one raised their hands or stood up. Every now and then someone would. I didn't stand but I had at least one hand in the air most of the time worshipping. I wanted to hold up a lighter at the end. B told me these days you use a cell phone----but I didn't bring mine, rats.

oh, i'm too tired to go on! must go to bed. tomorrow I'll tell more except that I talk to my advisor tomorrow to tell him I'm going home. I do have a replacement for his team, however, CS would love to work with him and is afraid he doesn't want her, but he will after I talk to him! :-)

God loves me and I love Him---what a bargain!