I was considering heaven. We will be past Rev 20:12 when all of created humanity will be judged before the great white throne of God. the books of our deeds will be opened and reviewed but THE BOOK that matters is the Book of Life. If a person's name is in the Book of Life, they will not be thrown into the lake of fire, the second death (eternal separation from God.)
when the books are reviewed, it is going to stink. Everyone will have to sit through their own public showing of their entire private life. OUCH! The merciful point is that this happens to EVERYONE so after many reviews, there will not be many surprises (i'm guessing at that, of course)
I am imagining AFTER that, when those who are gathered to the Lord forever exist together in oneness with God and each other. I can't imagine that we would not rank ourselves somehow. yet, i feel certain that we will not. we will be fully known. we will be fully loved. we will accept each other because there is no sin.
but if I regret not doing MORE now, or if I see that I was able, by God's grace alone, to do more than another---how will this escape my notice later? Mostly I don't want to be there before God and see all that selfishness and wasted life when He was giving me so many gifts that I spent on myself, my comfort, my pleasure, my entertainment and fun. (I love fun.)
and i went down this road of thought because I am feeling so low and inadaquate after trying to teach while scatterbrained. since I am frequently scatterbrained on my good and gifted days, it makes me all the more discouraged to be scatterbrained AND disturbed. I am grieving for Cindy and her family.
it is not so much my thoughts that bother me, it seems to be my emotions. I may be processing and overtaxing my circuitry. I like to claim I have as many as 9 tracks going on in my head at once. I'm frequently accused of thinking too much. My husband tells me, "Don't think about it, JUST DO IT!" and I am left wondering what that means. How does any person avoid thinking? what does it take to shut off the brain?
the only way I usually shut down is when I am very tired, very sick, or very angry. None of constitute a good state of mind. any other time I am likely thinking of several things at once. and I'm not orderly about it. this can get unnerving when trying to explain something to someone else---and their going to need it in order.
teaching the children today did not go well. I so enjoy them. I wish I could just have fun with them and do whatever I want to do! I wish we could spend more time on the Bible and less time doing homework. and i personally don't care for the playground time--but they really like it, so it must have some value. :-)
enough rambling.
time to go to bed.
I wish I could talk to Cindy. Because she is constantly on my mind, I think of things I want to tell her, but then I remember that I can't do that.
oh how terrible it will be for Steve or me when our other dies. it is natural and normal. and I suppose it would be a tragedy indeed if we were to die at once because it would be such a burden to the children.
is anyone reading? I bless you. I pray God reveal Himself to you. I thank my mom for bringing up something that caused me to revisit this blog. (hence the photo of my mom)
this is a good time.
blog crazy.
but sane in the world.
yeah,
works for me.
thank you Jesus
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