July 12 AGAIN (because I have some July 12 written below the July 11 which will end up below this july 12 post.
I finished the book on Doctors without Borders. I am reading the book on Mother Theresa. She loves Jesus so much. She is willing to sacrifice all. She finds when she starts doing the work, that it is so hard and her heart grows cold. But she knows God has called her. I haven’t had the suffering she has had. She took a vow of poverty and served the poor and dying. I will be doing it without the poverty. But it is such a joy to give everything. Such a joy to fellowship in the sufferings of the poor and to love them and respect them. Give them the dignity of a human. Reading the Doctors without Borders book just reminds me of how deep the suffering will be when I see the daily dying in Kenya. Already we’ve told you how much death we have seen. Even Titus’ cousin died just before I left. There is someone every day and several people in the cornerstone family. But I only see a few of them here and there, like when we go to funerals, but I mentioned how every day I would meet someone who had just recently lost a primary loved one. (not a cousin, or uncle or best friend, but mother/father/brother/child/spouse.)
and I’m ready for the suffering. and I’m ready to serve them in death and weakness. I’m ready to go into the highways and byways and serve. I’m doing that. Anita’s doing that. We’re loving that part where you go to churches and get to preach the Word of God. I love to lift up Jesus because He draws all men unto Himself when you lift Him up. I have really rejoiced in my sufferings and been so thankful to have that grace. Knowing I’m of a wimpy sort, I have always taken comfort in a story about Martin Luther or one of those guys who was facing death by burning at the stake. In the eve of death, he put his finger to a candle flame and withdrew it quickly. No Grace for the flame. But He knew God would provide the grace for the flame. and I believe it, too. I believe I can have it. Like staying with Gladys as she screamed in agony as her wounds were lanced. Like visiting the funeral where the little baby just died and the mother is so weak from Malaria. Knowing little Ben is given alcohol instead of food sometimes because it numbs hunger and puts him to sleep. Seeing dehydrated babies whose fontanel is a deep depression. to see children with skinny arms and distended bellies of malnutrition. To see someone come from the latrine and then shake someone’s hand. Knowing that there is typhoid and dysentery everywhere. I’m ready. I’m able and I say, I give my life. I can do more, give more, serve more, love more, forgive more. I want all that God will give to me. I will not be discouraged. I am probably most afraid of coming home. Home to the land of comfort where our non-problems take on monstrous proportions in our minds. Where one death in our circle can haunt us for years and scar us for life--we are not used to death. It is so foreign. We believe we need all consolation if it comes near us. I don’t want to live like that. I don’t want to be like that. but I live in the land of good medicine all the time. oh I have a medicine for nearly everything except cancer.
I just want to serve without regard for my well being. but I am so tied to this body. Jesus tied himself to a body and then let it suffer. He went to the poor. He went to the cross. I want to fellowship in His sufferings. and I just always feel so changed by Kenya. Put right. Straightened out. God has prepared me for this. I am at a place where I do not need the praise of man. I am at a place I am not moved by the criticism of man. I can work in isolation with no feedback because I do it all unto the Lord who has taught me that He is the God who Sees, El Roi. He has spoken to me, regarding the work I am doing now, to assure me that even if He did no miracles, I would be fine. I am not to worry. Because it is tempting. I find out again that the wire STILL is not going through. There is so much tension in kenya because we cannot pay for supplies we said we would pay for THE NEXT DAY. and now it will be even one whole week late--all those people, companies, workers going without pay. It’s shameful and I hate it. so i cast my burden on the Lord because He daily bears my burdens.
I am getting more and more congested as time passes. That is what happened to Frank yesterday on the drive to Nairobi. He seemed completely well in the morning at 9am, but by the time we reached Nairobi around 7pm, he was shivering and sneezy, a little cough and very stuffy. I gave him a claritin D even though the claritin part was not going to help--it is a preventative that needs to build up in your system. But that “D” decongestant would give him some drainage. I hate to take one of those because I want to sleep tonight. but I maybe I should go buy a daycare.
I love loperamide, too. Immodium. Good stuff. Thank you Jesus. Instead of losing all your fluides you just pop one of those. And good thing I have alll those antibiotics because all those people so sick on the plane. Even on this flight from London to Washington DC, the guy in my row vomited repeatedly right after we landed. How weird is that? I’m glad it wasn’t me. What a mean sentiment. But I am glad. I just want to get home. I want to take a bath. I want to see my puppies. my children, my bed. I want to marvel at my beautiful curtains and how clean my house is.
and I want to make a TGD house that is very clean on USA standards. It will be a shocker, but then when I tell people they can come up higher, they will know what I mean. I want to teach my students not to litter. It can be done. It doesn’t matter if everyone does it--they will learn to clean it up instead. Not to leave it lying around. I was slow to learn so I’ll have the grace to teach them. and our clinic, it will be more like USA standards, but it will likely take several trips before I get them to do it right all the time. They just don’t see all the prints on the wall. I don’t always see the ones at my own house either. But I’ll be coming in from the outside when I walk into that clinic and I’ll be able to accurately assess the cleaning. We’ll train and train and we’ll exceed standards.
I miss the sights and sounds. I miss the green already. I will be going home to the same sort of heat, but I will freeze in my a/c. I will love driving my car with the steering wheel on the left and the driving on the right. No people in the road you might accidentally swipe and kill. But no little lambs wagging their tails as they suckle. Oh that was sweet. No donkeys. (no camels, ha! can’t believe i saw camels!) I will miss all the little chickens. I will miss all the little children shouting muzungu. it’s fun in a rock star sort of way. you just stand out. and now here I am in this sea of white people and I gotta say, it looks funny. I love hearing all the English. I love that there is English in Kenya. Our TGD team speaks good English and the people I want to add speak English. It‘s hard to communicate with non-english speakers and leaves you in your own world wondering how to make meanings with gestures. Most things don’t work. Even trying to give instructions.
I want your money. I really do. I want you to sacrifice for the poor and love them with your money. I don’t ask you to sell everything to give to the poor. Jesus would love that, but I’m not even asking that. I’m asking you to give to the hungry, broken, poor, and sick. I’m asking you to give to children. Children that wear the same clothes all day long and have no shoes. It is just not their fault that their parents are dead or leave them with someone else or don’t make money or spend it wrongly. and they are suffering. If you give them a cup of cold water, you are blessed, so how about giving sacrificially! Having treasure in heaven! It can be done. it is an achievable goal. Save children. Heal the sick. Cast out demons. It is not that hard, I tell you. It is not. You can change the world for some.
and my students. you know, $25 a month support would help them get clothes or train in TGD as a worker, like an accountant. Henry can teach them. I have Henry and Pastor Steve working with three guys, Willington, Collins, and Bernard to learn new skills. They make about $60 a month because I pay them to work on the building. but I’m going to use their first hours of the day to do office work and learn. The students also could learn more aspects of the business with some support. And then there are the orphans. more than 20. There are thousands. I can’t help thousands. But I’ve found some poor children to start with. Some of them have mothers. They are all seriously poor although none is severely malnourished. They don’t get to go to the doctor. Pray for their health. Pray that they are given favor in the community.
I’ve got to learn to talk persuasively about them so that even cold hearts melt with love. How do you acquire a skill like that? I am way more into being authentic--but I don’t seem to be raising much money! Ha! I have to not stress about money. I have to remember WHO is my source. It is not you. I have to look to God and trust Him to fund His own work or let it fall. if it is not a work of God, then we won’t go there. We can just stick to the computer lab and give the medical equipment to the community. the needs are so overwhelming there. (kid screaming behind me as I type. wow, somehow that mom made him stop. I won’t look.)
Cute little muslim baby girl goes by, mom has her eyes peering out from the black head cover that conceals her mouth, too. I bet that baby would like to see mommy’s face. She’s starting to cry and mom is just sort of pushing the stroller back and forth, but baby wants to be held--they love that.
Power is down to 58% and I don’t want to go charge here. I need some water. I wish that plane would come. my hair is so dirty. I washed it at 5am kenya time on Monday which means about 9pm Sunday night and here it is Tuesday afternoon and ugh. yuck. small sacrifice. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, clean underclothings. not too bad. I want to talk but I want to save all the Kenya within me. I love them deeply. I feel awkward here, like an outsider. I just want to live Jesus all day long. I want to serve Him all day. Now that will mean the mundane and the secular --I hate it but I will honor Jesus in all things. He is worthy! He is lovely! I love Him! He is beautiful!
July 11, 8pm
Had a long day at church. Came home at maybe 5:30pm. How wonderful to get in a car by myself and drive where i need to go! I would so appreciate my own car here.
Today there were so many sights and sounds and colorful clothing and many, many people. Henry figures about 700-800. I would have thought 1000 but I am not good at counting people. There were so many bishops and pastors. So many of the Cornerstone pastors--it was great to see them! There were guests I know from far away like Moses the evangelist and Bishop Alfred who is okwayna kutima--but just goes by alfred now. He had the most wonderful church. a little like an old catholic church with arched windows. I loved the atmosphere so much. it was a place I could have truly prayed for hours. maybe I will try and get that opportunity. he invites me to his church and to his home. I know, though, that many see me as an opportunity to get USA connections and money. But also, if someone like me is coming, people come out for the show. So you have something that draws the unsaved, who may hear about the Lord Jesus with an open heart for the first time as He reveals Himself. I pray yes. So I love to go out to the churches and it is a dream come true--but even then, I think my true work is with Trinity because that is how God called Steve. I get to do both.
When the Deputy Prime minister was coming, we all went outside to line up to greet him. Well, not everyone! the church was packed and if you got up, you lost your seat. It happened to me. so I stood for several hours until my legs ached but Henry came and opened the office door for me and I sat for a while and downloaded my photos, named some, and edited some. Then we went to the anteroom of the main office. We could peek out the windows down to the audience below and hear the Deputy Prime Minister speak. Henry alerted me when he began and we switched rooms.
Some people actually looked up and then they saw us. So I took a few photos, but they are not very good. I will download them when i get home. Came out too hazy. There is so much sun! This sun is so WHITE. It just washes out the world. I know if I had more tricks, I could deal with it better, but I haven’t the time to study it and when I do--I just forget if I don’t use those features often. Has happened several times through out the last 15 years.
But I am thankful to Doug for helping me know how to use my long lens better. and I’m thankful to God that I had a long lens and that I even brought it. It worked great if I could stand still or if the lighting was reasonable. It is so nice when it is overcast.
Oh Rose fixed up the house nicely! I got a little video before it was done and one when it was all messed up from people. I wish I had gotten in between, but I was at the exit door and I greeted all the dignitaries and bishops and pastors. I was just standing there like a bride by the door, but many were eager to greet me. I liked it. The brief greeting was great because I can do quite well with many greetings now. and I can say many phrases so I was switching it up as each one shook my hand and I was just so proud of myself! How composed and grown up I seemed! Then I went over to the house, LAST, and got caught by Mama Jane, who decided to ask me for personal help, please. I told her I don’t do personal help or no one would have a job. I cannot. But she insisted I please help her paint her house. You know, it is the last request on my list. I wish I could list all the things I’ve been asked for--and that would be the lowest! I do love her, but she doesn’t need a painted house like some people need medical care and some people need food. and many, many people need school fees for their children. Many adults have told me of dropping out at 4th, 7th, 10th grade when a father dies. That’s the end of school. Collins has only gone to 4th grade in Uganda but he wants to be a doctor. Seems like a stretch. He’s 24 or 25. Pretty old. But he is smart. I am going to get him training with Henry and Pastor Steve. Also, Willington-who is 20, and Bernard, who is...probably around 25, maybe more. He’s finished high school and got a diploma in some kind of port thingy with shipping. I raised my eyebrows. We have a container coming. He explained that he had no experience with it, only schooling. Well, maybe he needs to go with Walter on the mombasa trip and get some experience. I wish I had tons of money so I could just make these things happen. I am going to have willington work as an errand boy but train as an office worker and accountant. He wants driving school (he’s the one who asked yesterday or the day before for that.)
i’ve sort of packed. I could have gone home with one suitcase but i have a new nice one from target that rolls well in all directions and one from Sarah’s boyfriend’s mom that she insists I bring back home. So I will because I appreciate that she let me use it to bring so much stuff to them here. I packed it with these giant pillows that I wanted to leave here, but I have to put something in there or it will crack when they throw some 50 pounder on top of it.
i bought those pillows to sleep on and they were in this bag full of air so that you could not test or see the pillow. but they are HUGE and stiff! I can’t imagine any person EVER sleeping on these. Maybe they are for decoration? not sure what to do with them. I would have loved to give them to someone. They make good back rests if you are sitting up in bed. Or you can use them as a desk. I used one of them to tuck under one bun where the bed had a massive dip in it. That way I was pinned onto the edge which had some fullness so you did not feel the slats. I didn’t mind feeling the slats at all, but sometimes my tailbones or my big pelvis side bones were not so happy when I woke up. A chiropractor would be nice. I’m out of whack. but I’m happy.
I will just really miss driving along and seeing the people. I’m not sure why. Even I love them. crazy me. that’s not love. It’s useless sentiment because that sort of love doesn’t lead me to action. But the love I have for my Kenyan family, the church, my team, my students, the children, the animals, the puppies, the chickens...those lead me to love and give and serve and work and suffer so joyfully! I can’t say I love the cockroaches. no. I don’t. but they are everywhere. and I don’t equate Kenya with cockroaches. I think of little goats tied along the road. Children carrying sticks. Women with big bags on their head or baskets or big trays. Men on motorcycles and bicycles. Matatus (mini vans used as a bus system) whizzing past and cars coming directly at you at a much more reasonable pace than in India. I’m so used to seeing little children on motorcycles that now i can stop to look at the child himself or herself. I love looking people in the eyes here. it is so personal and good. I can understand from seeing muzungus how odd we look here. Out of place and interesting. our faces just look different than normal and our clothes are different than normal. That is okay. How few muzungus go back into the bush--so how interesting I appear! Especially when I go back there driving a car! I want to drive a motorcycle--oh that will blow them away! Women don’t drive motorcycles. Even a scooter would be great here. I’d like something so I could get around better.
it will be good to see my home. my wonderful bedroom that I just love. I wonder what it will be like to review my blog! I am sure I will regret writing 10,000 things and wish I could edit and condense it all.
the students would probably really appreciate some cologne like antiperspirant. I brought so much stuff not knowing how long I use things and knowing I could give it away. Steve left deodorant and Sarah did, too. So I had several. Plus many other things. Little soaps from each day at the hotel. I wish I had told doug and sarah to bring them to me so I could give them away. Dial soap. They picked that first. then deodorant. and I had combs and pens and they just had a fun time picking things one at a time in order of best performing students first. I tried to give away some shoes and some scarves and Bibles ahead of time, but some things just had to wait. I bought some flatware for myself but I thought Rose might like to keep it--and she did. Today when it was on the head table for the Deputy Prime Minister, I was so proud! Because I contributed to that! and they looked great. and they are heavier than some others you could buy. I’m so glad I bought them.
If I can establish a household here, what fun it will be to pick out stuff like I do at my USA house. I’m finally able to pick what I like. I still hesitate to spend on tangible items (except i do like clothes.) I prefer restaurants and trips, definitely. I like to explore and do new things. I am not big on keeping things or accumulating and I cannot stand “collecting” --I just don’t see the value in it, although I know it is related to how God made us. Different people see things differently--I’m totally into the differences and love exploring THAT. But I don’t like collecting. I like throwing away. But I’m actually NOT that generous. Often when I consider giving something away that is valuable, I’ll think....oh! but I LIKE this. So I do better not to get a thing in the first place because then I might get attached to it. Coming here puts things in perspective for me, though.
ONE THING that was interesting is Steve’s recent trip to India. Now, he WAS in Bangalore. Granted. But he said that after spending two weeks in Kenya and then two weeks in Bangalore, he could sure see a difference and compare. People in India were as poor as they’ve always been, but to compare the two--the India people were well off. The level of poverty is not as severe. Even the beggars were so much better off and were clearly having food. Here sometimes you see terrible evidence that someone doesn’t always eat. Oh it was terrible to have one orphan child, Trofosar or Trophosa--I don’t know--she said she needed food. She looked good, though, so I am not as alarmed as I am tempted to be. I always have to pull back and remember I cannot save the world. But I really like trying to save one person here and there over and over. and it is working. Jesus does it. and I partner with Him in His work, the work of the Father. The father is always working and so I, too, am working. Jesus is working through me and I guarantee it!
I know when I go home, I will revert back to my more common self and I will probably hate myself (which is also wrong!) but I give it to Jesus. He sees me here, He sees me there. I am serving Him in every way and at all times in all I do. My life is unto Him except when I veer off and make it about me or about my culture. and I’m guilty of joining in this culture, too. Which is not God. We need biblical culture--we are not of the world. and going back to the USA is the WORLD at high speed, even when I am sequestered in my home (which is lovely, by the way, and very comfortable, which my flesh loves. So it was good to give that flesh a kick in the butt and throw in a few cockroaches to show who rules this body. MY SPIRIT MAN!)
hallelujah! Bwana asifiwe! (amen!) Bwana Asifiwe TENA (AMEN!) it is funny how I have that down now and say it on accident. Like, God is good--All the time. (i add- in all ways!) or Christ is Risen-He is risen, Indeed! ( i love that! He is risen! Hallelujah! Jesus is ALIVE!) I love Him with all my heart, soul, mind and flesh and I just praise God I feel like I have a chance to prove it--except that with all the praise you get around here it can spoil the work. i want eternal rewards not the fickle praise of man. Man (including me) will praise you in one breath and then complain about you to someone else in the next! Poor Henry has probably seen my true character because I’ve gotten tired and grouchy and disappointed with some people and then I’ve no one to talk to in native English all day. Then he is so good and always at his post and considerate and ready to serve.....so I’ve complained to him without realizing it and then tried to spiritualize it by making it positive in some crazy way--but it is really a bad attempt to cover some sin.
I love Jesus. He forgives sin! What a bargain! He gives eternal life. He gives strength! He gives wisdom. Oh Glory to my Lord Jesus!
When Moses came to the microphone today (my old friend moses from the first trip) he said, “It will break my heart if I do not see all of you in heaven.” I loved that! and when I talked to him later, I added; “and Jesus DESERVES everyone because Revelations says with His blood He purchased me from every nation and tribe and tongue...” and it says more but i forget now. I love Jesus! i love Him seriously. I am so excited to see Him in heaven, like I am excited to see Steve again! and my puppies! My puppies don’t understand that I’ve been gone but I’m coming back.
Steve said Penelope would lick him and then run around crying and then run back and lick him and she did it for 10 minutes. Precious little puppy! Oh and I will miss the poor puppies here. Rexana really needs some kind of medicine. He has an open sore that will not heal. He may have some pain in another place or he may have a nervous condition (very likely) but i’d love to bandage it. and then the adorable Labrador retrievers that Titus bought are going brain dead by being in a kennel where they cannot see anything. Such expensive and intelligent dogs just staring at four walls all day. It is like putting your child in a cage. Those dogs are not like sheep, even they are better than most dogs! Better than my dogs! and so beautiful. The little black girl is already slower to learn. The bigger blond one is so precious with eyes like Penelope. He’s a boy and he steals all the food but I taught willington to feed them separately so the black one has a chance. But those dogs would be amazing if they could go on a walk each day and have some lessons. I just managed five times with them in my four weeks at the house. I wish I had time for them because I’d walk them each day in a leash. Probably I will see if I can send Titus leashes and training books and get some of my workers on it. I hate to see such intelligent brains go down during their prime development.
I love them and didn’t even mind how they would bark all evening until fed, but it made me pray for them. I think at home I would go hit some dog that barked like that. Just an example of the miracle grace of God. I think we can all relate to barking dog irritation--but I never had that. Only compassion and prayer. Ha ha!! I’m so holy for now. thank you, Jesus.
I started to type a story that I can’t tell because it would be bad--darn. Especially to post it. but if you ask me personally, I can tell you! really.
I’ll end with that. Anita! people send you greetings. mama jane, for sure. I can’t remember who else. I love you, sister! Hallelujah!
BLOG--IN LONDON. PRAISE THE LORD.
I’m in a different world again. For some reason, I didn’t go through customs. Not sure about that. You never know. You just have to ask and follow the rules. Sometimes you have to get your bags. Sometimes they go through. In Kenya, the woman at the counter told me to get my bags in London. I get to London, they tell me no, they go through. I get to the United Airline Counter in London, she says pull them in Washington Dulles Airport. Okay. Fine. No new London stamp.
I was really sick yesterday. It was awful. It was scary. I started the morning at 5am hoping I would go to the bathroom before about three days worth of travel. I texted Steve saying as much but in private language. and since it was 5 am and was not wearing glasses, I sent the text to Walter. Alright. Good for a laugh. ugh. But then I went to the church and before long, my stomach was acting up. I hurried to the house (Titus’) and nothing really happened. Hmmmn. Big gurgle. Quite ominous. I prayed.
I went back upstairs to the TGD office (2nd story of Cornerstone Church in back left corner.) I spoke with the team. Then I was not sure I could handle saying bye to everyone or taking photos with the students. Frank or Joseph suggested I sit and they come in. It was a good idea and I was able to sit and get a photo with every morning student and all the staff. We headed out after prayer with the team and then prayer with the students. I went over to Shibuli market to get gas (using the local station to infuse my money into the area) and suddenly I started breaking out in a sweat. Oh no. Serious. Panic attack coming. Meant my stomach was acting up seriously. What to do? I told the guys (Frank and Henry) to hand me my bag--I had xanax ready for this very purpose. Oh man, waves of panic--but I’m knowing in my head I am not dying, it is just my stomach. I call Steve quickly, PRAY! and when we get the receipt, I head back to the church quickly to run to the bathroom. God was helping me. I was making it. I was not sure how this trip was going to go. If this starts up, I am usually sick for days--at least 3. But i have to drive to NAIROBI--7 hours away, the first two hours are extremely damaged roads so you are constantly bouncing. It is too jarring for sick tummy. But i have no choice. pray. Pray. beg. pray. work on trusting. work on faith. Lay myself into the hands of God to be ready for anything.
I come out and get in the car. Let’s go. It will be fine (It is sort of a lie, but I’m working it like truth. I will be fine, IN JESUS NAME!) and we head to the bank. I’m making it during the drive to town (about 20 minutes.) I’m trying to talk to distract myself, no, I’m trying not to talk so I don’t get sick. Wait. Don’t talk to me. Please Jesus help me. and then we’ve done it. We are at the bank. I’ve taken a xanax and maybe 2 immodiums. They are starting to work. I worry about the fatigue from the xanax. Can I drive? Can Frank even drive? He says he has learned before. (okay, forget that.) I tell myself I can go to the Golf Hotel (we are just about one block away when at the bank.) God is with me. I start to recover. I see Eunice at the Bank. She helped me make a new account so Henry can access it. We check for the wire. It is not there. WHAT? She says it is not in Nairobi. This is very serious. my stomach churns. Oh the stress isn’t my fave when tummy hurts. But okay. Just one more part of Kenya. Suck it up and go on. Don’t stop. Don’t worry. Don’t waste negative energy on the system. It will all be fine somehow. My family is alive, so all will be well, these are just challenges to overcome.
I withdraw more money from my personal account so Henry can pay some folks. I’m wondering if I am overdrawing myself. How will I go to Pappadeaux when I get home if there is no money left? Worry about that later. (ummm, credit card.)
We send Henry off with public transportation and here we go. Frank calls his wife. She was sick today and in bed. He helped get Ethan off to school. How awful that he is leaving her to go to Nairobi for TGD when she is sick. God bless her and protect her and heal her. We start off on that horrible road. I am feeling better, so I start talking, and talking and talking. (hey! I like that part!) and then I give him the repeat of our staff meeting that he missed (since wife was sick.) That whole conversation takes us to Kisumu (2 hours later) where we stop for the bathroom. Hey! I’m doing so much better. I’m making it! we go to the big Nakumatt (grocery store/walmart) and use the nice mall facilities. They have stalls and toilet paper! nice. I like that bathroom. We go get some cookies and water. Then we go out on the Nairobi road which is much smoother. ahhh. and nice scenery eventually as we go through the rift valley area to Nakuru. I do a pretty good job driving, even if I am on the right side of the car and trying to gauge the left. well, i run off the road maybe three times which is QUITE startling and then overcompensate to the right (which is into oncoming traffic) because I am this car doesn’t GO where you tell it to go and you have to really move it and it wobbles as the weight of the car shifts. But it only happens when there are no cars around--like a miracle.
We go through Kericho and I have to remember....stay left (to drive on the left side) then to take a right on the road, you have to swing wide and stay on the left side of the new road. As we enter a new area street hawkers come right up to the car offering bunches of carrots, looking right into me beckoning me to buy. Now this one with corn, now that one with greens. It is a good plan, but i don’t need market food. I need to catch a midnight airplane. and i’ve got to make it to Nairobi in time to get through that unbelievable stopped traffic to check in.
I ask Frank to tell me about his life. He tells of hardship, but always how he overcomes it. That’s good thinking. Dan McAdams would approve. I enjoy the stories and of course I interrupt from time to time with some similar story (who me?) It keeps my mind off my stomach and the time passes well as the scenery changes. I saw some camels along the way, wow! and some zebras. That’s fun. No baboons today, darn. and we couldn’t stop for the nakuru safari or to check out the view at the top of the rift valley. SO BEAUTIFUL! But I’ve taken a picture before only to be gravely disappointed at the results. No, that sight is just for the eyes. And then you have to be someone like me who just drinks in the majesty. Some would just be like. Okay, let’s go. and I suppose that’s about how I felt about Niagra Falls. I’ve been on both sides, I think, and you know, it is this giant waterfall that is really too giant to be beautiful for me. but there are some in yellow stone that took my breath away. I enjoyed one in India so much. and I love seeing the rivers in Kenya. (i love seeing my Rivers--Steve.)
I got to the airport and my flight was delayed an hour. Another wait. and I’m already American again and getting impatient. No--just resist that. Won’t help. --I’m sitting in heathrow now and some older man is strolling around a massively screaming boy. So after 20 minutes I think I better put on headphones. A headache that was retreating came back to the front. I notice my socks have rubbed my toes, which shocks me. I have not been able to soak my toes and they have aged substantially. How can there be ANY soft spot on any toe? But I haven’t worn any closed toes shoes either and I’ve gone walking all around heathrow and the little maze of tunnels to get to your next place.
I made it to the airport and Frank was going to do the special returning of the rental car. Wow, now that’s nice. what a luxury. someone you pay just sort of takes care of you. I enjoy it, I confess. Even on Sunday, Henry was such a blessing to take care of me. and the Sunday before last, Catherine had been so servant hearted. I do like help. In the USA, you just have to be independent. and I do fine. but I do love when someone can hand me this or that or fetch things for me. Oh yeah. My children know it! I tell them they’ll do it, too. I thought my mom was mean calling me from the far side of the house to get her purse just a few feet away--and then I did it to my children, too (but I was far sneakier. asking them what they were doing, giving a hug. as they left, as an afterthought, I say, “oh! can you hand me that?” but we can laugh about it now. I don’t ever do that to my big adult children! If i ever get that orphan house, my poor little new children. “Hey, Cynthia! Cynthia! ......what are you doing? ok. Well, come give me a hug. oh! can you hand me that on your way out?” God help me. Let me grow in my old age. ha ha.
It’s 10. I have 2 more hours. I can’t use my phone. man, I do one little text and the thing dies. Jeff B tells Steve it is because the phone uses tons of charge searching for that network. Oh. poopy. I want to lay in this airport. I have a great seat. A set of four without any arm rests which means I could lay down. I chose a set across from a youngish (25-35) attractive girl. She sits on her -----WELL FORGET THAT. some guy just came and sat on my end right across from her. and there she is sleeping thinking she was safe because it was just me and her and not even facing each other. whatever. Dude could have picked another whole row but he wanted to sit across from the pretty girl laying down. Okay, trying not to judge.
In the Kenyan airport--it is HOT. really hot. I made it through customs, dripping, or whatever it is when they check your passport to see your dates match your visa or something. I don’t know. I just stand there and smile for the camera. I go up the escalator and praise the Lord, I found a seat. It was more than four hours wait. I turned on my Ipod to watch Jesus movie. Nope. eyes too crazy. okay. so I sat listening to music. Checking my watch every FIVE MINUTES. I couldn’t seem to stop.
then this whole row of people dressed in the same tennis shoes and the same bag marked with International Immigration written in French on it plus someone wrote numbers and letters with a marker on each one. The women had similar long skirts and even scarves that held the baby on the back. A man was fussing at them. I pulled out my plugs to hear him, but he was not kind. Treating them like cattle. I put the plugs back in and caught a baby by the eyes. Then a little boy. I keep staring in their eyes smiling. it is fun. I like when I’m up to it.
then a another little boy. He comes right to me, he’s about 3 and skinny little arab boy. He pulls his gum out of his mouth to share. I laugh and shake my head no. So he pulls it apart in a long string as if to tempt me that it does tricks. Okay, that’s really cute but don’t get it on my pants little boy (Jesus, send the parents over quick because I do not want to discourage him.) Here comes mommy. We smile and connect and laugh a tiny bit. She likes that I’ve adored him. She adores him, too. his cute little curly hair. She pulls him back into the line adn I look away to end the interaction. But it was fun.
By the time they are all processed, it has been a couple of hours. so I go ahead and step into the bookshop that is across from me. I’ve watched all the people go in and look, some buy. Now I’m going to check before I leave. Uh-oh. I see a book on Doctors without Borders (medicines sans frontiers.) which is for 20. Then one about the writings of mother theresa. Okay. I want those. and I go to check in. At the nairobi airport, they put you in the isolated HOT room after taking your water. there is no bathroom. at least there are chairs, but not enough. People line the walls sitting on the floor. families camp in circles. It’s an international set. Maybe not too many asians in this bunch. I pull out my book and sit as still as possible to cool down. many are fanning wildly.
when I finally get on the plane, a man and his wife sit next to me. Not bad. they’ll talk to each other and leave me alone. I’m on the aisle, praise the Lord, since I booked late--just the other day and the flight is full. I’m so tired. It is 1am and I am usually asleep by 10pm. A guy sits in front of the man. The guy leans his chair back, the man shoves it forward. shocks me. steve doesn’t even do that. seems mean. the guy is surprised and tries again. the man does it again. the guy gets the message. I am embarrassed. that is not right. It’s not even a big man. but okay, nothing for me to deal with. i doze off (praise God again) but the man wakes me to go to the bathroom. oh darn. I was already asleep. okay. i can handle it. then we are getting a meal. I begin to eat and the man next to me starts to wretch. Oh man. His wife gives him a bag. I think of Steve just getting sick on his way home from India. I think of how I was so sick in the morning. Oh man. and all the people who have been coughing and sneezing all around me in the small airport spaces. Now this. at least he caught it. but it was that way the whole flight. Somewhere in the middle the wife wants to change places with him. she climbs over him to go to the bathroom. I guess he wasn’t up to getting in the aisle. I just went to the back and let her work that out. I waited until he moved all the way over, she came back from the bathroom, and got settled. I was so thankful I still managed to doze off. The women wants to talk. He can’t talk and I just give short answers. I was way too tired to be chatting. I was not upset though and did not say much about it. If it was a woman, I would have cooed and petted but since it is a man--well, Steve would NOT appreciate a lot of sympathy from a woman, it would have made him feel weak. So I just remained respectful and polite.
okay. 10:30. I’ll be able to get my gate soon.
I’m reading that book about the young doctor going to Sudan. He was there with the dinka. That is where the Ramirez are located. a big area. It is a good book and I’m eating it up. I’m thankful that God called me to Kenya. It is so overwhelming and full of life and pain and death. how will I even live in our artificial happy little lives knowing the heartache going on daily. Instead of parties, how about conversations about starvation and orphans. How about babies dying but not marked in the records. How does that even happen? and why? What about working in an area with no supplies, no resources, no medicines, no money. How about need so desperate, little girls who have to ask men for money so grandma can drink. How about wives whose husbands drink all the money away so that they are begging for food. Children who don’t get to the doctor for minor ailments and die from lack of treatment. how about doctors leaving gauze inside of patients. Malaria killing randomly, frequently, and not just pregnant mothers and babies, but ESPECIALLY those. How about men breaking their back all day for $2.50 and praising God. Women cleaning all day for $26 a month and actually liking the housework and thankful. Women who lose their husbands having to marry the husband’s brother and become the third wife, just to survive. Or a woman living with a man who cannot provide her father the cows, so she is not allowed to marry, even though she has four children by this man. Dad waits for the cows. How about children exploited to work in the tea fields and they cannot go to school because they are forced to work. Orphans having to take care of someone else’s children just so they have a roof over their head and always getting things last, if at all. Maybe the other children get the food. It is so far removed from reliable cars, paying the electricity bill, planning birthday parties, sending birthday cards, going on a movie date, listening to favorite music, checking facebook, buying Christmas presents, and going broke paying off debt that keeps growing because the balance keeps going up no matter what due to new spending, just being sure that retirement fund is protected, or eating organic foods. I will wander around my beautiful house and the strength that God gave me in Kenya could leave me and I will cry. I will cry for how I could not change things for everyone. I sent little Diamond some fungal medicine for her head, but she needs to be de-wormed. She’s not even an orphan and why did I bother? when so many need me? because sometimes you just have to reach out no matter what. and somehow you know you cannot solve it but you can make it better for one. and do it again. and again.
Thank you Jesus that you give us endurance. Thank You for Your light in the world. I love you. when I rest in you, I am made whole. No one can tear me down because you have made me whole. and in Your Wholeness I can be a problem solver. Love gives. and I thank you that you took this heart and made giving a joy. Only by your grace.
