just got home

Not much time to sort things out yet, but it was so good to have Sarah and Nicole pick us up at the airport! And Nicole's little belly is growing with Raynor inside. I took a look online hoping to find some midwives in the Jackson, MS area, but to no avail. Well, I did find SOME things, but it was terribly hard to really get information. I don't think there are just stand alone birthing clinics there as there used to be. I went to midwives when I was pregnant with Kevin and I know Cindy delivered Doug somewhere about 30 minutes out of Jackson--did she say Meridian? There may be a birthing center there.
and there is no birthing at home in Illinois, either, because Anita is a Doula who would love to be a midwife. I'd love for her to be with Nicole, she is so matter of fact. of COURSE you can do this! Push that baby out! :-)
My puppies were glad to see us. They both went right to Steve and Penelope peed all over the place. She still does that sometimes as a submissive greeting pee. Yuck. She managed to spray Steve's shoe. Oliver did his special dance. I showed Sarah and Nicole some things I brought for them. I am not a big shopper so they are blessed to get anything! I bought something for Laura, Mom, and Kevin, too. Steve bought himself some new large collar dress shirts. I got myself a purse. We ate a lot of food. Meat, potatoes, cheese, wine. Steve had beer. I had milk. It's good to be home, as always. We have some house guests who came before I got home so that will be interesting when we run into them. They are here in Chicago for the Jesus Culture meeting at the Allstate center by the airport. I'm sure it is awesome and I'd love to be there but there is only so much running about that a wimpy soul can take.
I really pushed to make the trip to London include deeply spirtual aspects but I do think it pulled me down into the flesh in plenty of ways. So much human viewing, so much judging. At first, I was praying. If I saw anything untoward, I said a prayer. I blessed passersby. In the end, I was thinking things like, Oh I like that dress. Look at her hair. I'd like a purse like that. Oh she is so beautiful. Oh goodness they are an ugly couple. what were they thinking when they went out in THAT? I don't know. I think so many people ---just SO MANY PEOPLE sort of wore me down.
but in the quiet of St. Elizabeth's chapel, I spent a beautiful hour praying. It's just outside of Westminster Abbey. The tour through there is so disappointing as it is more of a shrine to man. Obviously, we all want to be praised and remembered. God deliver us from desiring praise from Man and let us work for your praise. I know when I left out of there, my prayerfulness was restored and I felt cleansed by the work of Christ on the cross and I know He makes peace for me. God's wrath, His justifiable wrath against me is removed as I look upon Jesus in love and faith. and I'm so thankful for the silence in there.
I wanted to go through Westminster, though, to this place on the inside where the cloisters were. There is a garden and I thought I could access it without going through the tour, but I could not. They had another little museum in there, something like what the clerics wore through the years maybe--I can't remember now, but I remembered my delight from the past. I had hoped to sit outside in that courtyard and just be silent before God (yes, I always find that hard unless I'm really blitzed mentally. then I am mostly unable to pray which is quite different from silence before the Lord.)
but I loved the history of Christians, even though it is torrid and we're horrible people and the faithful fall even as bad as the weeds/goats that grow up among us. It shouldn't be like that.
on the way home, in the plane, the girl sitting next to me was horridly annoying. She dominated the arm rest and continually spilled over into my space. I prayed a thousand times for grace. Shifted myself away suddenly as a subtle hint which she never seemed to care about. I thought about what would I seem like if I TRULY loved God and was able to really access His Love for me and allow His grace to generate love for her. what would that be like?
well, I likely wouldn't be reading the Economist and Marie Claire. I mean, can you see Mother Theresa or a Tibetan monk reading a fashion magazine? No. Does that mean I shouldn't? unsure. Diana was a precious soul and she read fashion magazines---not that I use her as an excuse. I know JESUS did not read fashion magazines because they didn't have them.
but I do know that he had a form such that you would not desire him. so he wasn't charasmatic or a dandy or slick.
I just know I don't EXUDE Jesus. I think about Him all the time. I love Him most of the time (the other time I'm not thinking of Him, that's all.) I eagerly await the grace to be given me when He appears. I appropriate the grace for living TODAY.
I just wish I were more.
you know. I want to be the perfect Christian. Probably just to get the praise of man, which is sin. so let's not go there. I want to glorify GOD!
Even as I set about to serve Him in one way or another, I was thwarted. So then I realized--hey, I obeyed, right? I think it is this American Thing about PURPOSE. We want to be efficient and have PURPOSE.
So I laid it down and said, okay, so I made the effort because of what I thought you wanted and it didn't happen and that's okay, right? because it is between You and me. and then what happened??? The follow through. I DID get to do that thing (unmentionable here--but you have this experience, too, so just fill it in with your attempts to serve Him in Love.)
and then I was happy all over. Take it in because it is fleeting! Happy all over. Thank you, Jesus. I run in the path of your commands for You have set my heart free (is that in Psalm 119?) That's how I feel.When you love someone, doing something for them is so delightfully easy. When you don't love someone, it feels like slavery and so burdensome. Same with God. Loving Him makes everything easy!
(even tolerating someone taking up your personal space repeatedly for over 8 hours.)
well, maybe I didn't make it on that one. I'm still sort of miffed.
Forgive me, Lord, and cleanse me with your blood. Your precious blood that saved me --I died with you on that cross. and You raise me up. Hallelujah!