If you were an angel

If you were an angel standing watch over me, this is what I would look like.....


.....my friend Juanita took this picture---thanks Juanita! (you're an angel!.....figuratively speaking)
:-)


If there is one thing I appreciate, it is Juanita and Debbie and Dora! (oh wait, that is THREE!) My three friends went with me to a cabin for 24 hours where we fellowshipped and prayed and worshipped and chatted and laughed. You ladies are the BEST!!

See the smile on my face? I appreciate those who make time for me! My love language is attention, I love to be talked to and listened to---Woo Hoo! We did it up right.

And it is so rough that in this day and age we are so cut off from each other in our lives. We have to build communities. Relationships are no longer about proximity.

In fact, MY WONDERFUL FRIEND AMY who actually lives quite close to me is someone I rarely see now that I've changed churches. and that is the most horrible part about changing churches!
The ones you LOVE!
because we tend to see those who are in the circle we are existing in........those outside those circles fall by the wayside.
Let it not be so.
As I move away from dear friends.........I dread losing touch. Their lives will all go on busily as mine narrows into a small island of isolation. God will be there, and I will learn to rely even more on Him. I will spend time with Him.

But my friends that have moved away---Elaine, Allison, Cindy, Anita, Dawn, others. We rarely communicate because of distance and lack of current common ground. (sniff sniff)
Even those of you still here (oh, but if you are reading my blog---LOVE TO YOU MY FRIEND!)
(.....and love to YOU Dad----cause my Dad reads fairly regularly! Thanks Dad!)

and off the subject, Juanita is so dear to me---she told me she RE-read my poem from my blog! OK, major brownie points with me!! (not that we'll get to redeem those somehow--but maybe)

Wait!
I wanted to write about the retreat because Amy said she'd check my blog.

Amy was going to come with us but then her husband had to go to San Antonio to help move his parents because they are around 70 and he's still a young strong under 40. Well, she was checking on her little ones indoors (Caleb 3, David 1) when her big ones......Joshua (7?) and Hannah (5?) were jumping on the trampoline and they tried one of the illegal stunts they've worked on----and whoops! Hannah's chin crashes into the back of Joshua's skull and off they must go to the emergency room for STITCHES---yes, double emergency room co-pay on that one.
We missed you, AMY! But I'm glad you were there to mother those babies!

D, D, J and me got out of town around 3. We stopped at Starbucks in San Marcos (yes, I drink coffee now, finally old enough....I think). We drove around San Marcos a while looking for a certain grocery store and got to see some of the Texas State campus. Nice scenery, too.

Then we got to our cabin....We got there right before a big thunderstorm. The wind was kicking up the leaves and the ions in the air were fabulously stimulating! My hair was getting blown in 30 directions and I ran out to the fence to look across the pasture and see the majesty of a deluge! Oh, but once the big drops came, I ran back to the cabin before I was drenched. With a tin roof, we could hardly hear to talk--that was pretty fun.

So I think we got out some food. We had tons of stuff! Salmon! turkey, ham, hard boiled eggs, graham crackers/milk, lettuce, olives..........well, tons of stuff.
We ate whenever we wanted to and only had to fix our own (the other ladies have more children than I do---I've never had more than four). We went down to the river after the rain. We talked in the clubhouse. We came back and talked into the night. We prayed together until midnight.
In the morning, Mr called me at 7. Juanita figured she could get up if I did. We ate some breakfast and the others got up too. Debbie went swimming and I went out there and prayed at the pasture. Dora tried swimming but there were serious bugs in the hot tub. When she turned on the jets, tons of bugs came out---YUK!
So we played some worship music and did our own things together. Sometimes some took walks while others got ready, some ate, some were reading the Bible, some journaling, it was really wonderful.
We had hoped to stay until 3, but we had to be out by noon. So we packed up and explored the rest of the property by car then drove along the River Road to Gruene. We took the really long way to Gruene so we saw New Braunfels, too.
I took pictures at one stop when Debbie suggested we stop the car so I could take some. Well, that was just what I needed! Hooray! I love taking photos in nature (I only sent out a few, but I took hundreds).

Whew! Mr comes home from Brazil tomorrow, so I didn't go to church tonight, as much as I wanted to.....I knew I might be tired tomorrow if I didn't quietly get everything back in order before he got home. I want to be rested to help HIM rest. He'll be tired.
I had a nice retreat, but he's been working.
My trip was restorative, but his was taxing.
and all those flights! Oh, he does NOT like flying. (beats walking, though)
and he was in economy, so he'll be stiff from being cramped up for 12 hours.

Blessings to everyone. I miss everyone already. Shoot, I miss myself! I will not be able to be how I've been while on summer break. It has been fantastic.

We'll soon see how whiny I am----or if I am strong and courageous!

which reminds me that they gave me gifts! I think I've gotten more gifts this year than ever. My friends are really gift givers. I'm really TRYING to be---it is not my strongest point, for sure.
THANK YOU EVERYONE BECAUSE I LOVE TO FEEL LOVED AND YOU'VE MADE IT HAPPEN!!!!!
Congratulations to Cindy Tyler, who now has a Masters in Biology---Way to Go, Woman!

My baby

Yes, this is my oldest child.
Child?
He is definitely a man.
All of my children are so grown up!
It is an interesting stage of life.
When I can go to my children who know more than me on this or that subject.
I go to K for insurance questions, technology questions, anything with electronics.

I say that if the machines become sentient, I'm in good hands because they love him.
If something is acting up, sometimes I just ask him to come near the machine,
they seem to bask in his glow.
It is somewhat akin to worship.
I do not dare tell them that he is not their maker.
They seem content to do as he commands, joyfully.

I, however, can sit at a machine and ask it to do one thing, using proper procedure, to no avail.
When he comes and does the same thing, it works.
That is beyond the range of explanation.
But I am thankful for it!
I praise God that He has put such a one in my family.
He is a tremendous blessing.

Really like pics

Doesn't THIS look cozy? MMMmmmm.

I really like pics, so I was browsing through mine. First I found a heritage pic with N's birth mommy and she is with her paternal grandfather. Then a picture of all his children. The first one by the first wife is the father of N's birth mommy. Then a girl and boy by a second wife, then a boy and a girl by a third wife (and fourth, since they married twice) and then a step daughter by a fifth wife. That is plenty of children! So then that was too heavy to put on here. So I was thinking of sticking a jokey one. But no, I came across this! and it is no joke. Perhaps I will see this particular place. I'll let you know.

But since I like Pictures AND WORDS.....I thought I'd add some text in here........... from thesaurus.com
Main Entry: inherent
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: basic
Synonyms: built in, characteristic, congenital, connate, constitutional, deep-rooted, deep-seated, distinctive, elementary, essential, fixed, fundamental, hereditary, immanent, implicit, inborn, inbred, inbuilt, indigenous, indispensable, individual, indwelling, ingrained, inherited, innate, inner, instinctive, integral, integrated, internal, intimate, intrinsic, inward, latent, native, natural, original, resident, subjective, unalienable
Antonyms: acquired
Notes: the word innate means 'inborn' and should apply to living things; inherent is 'essential, intrinsic' and applies best to nonliving things like ideas

Main Entry: inner
Part of Speech: adjective 2
Definition: mental
Synonyms: central, concealed, deep-rooted, deep-seated, emotional, esoteric, essential, focal, gut*, hidden, individual, inherent, innate, inside, interior, internal, intimate, intrinsic, intuitive, inward, personal, private, psychological, repressed, secret, spiritual, subconscious, unrevealed, visceral, viscerous

Main Entry: life
Part of Speech: noun 3
Definition: being
Synonyms: animal, animateness, animation, body, breath, consciousness, continuance, creature, endurance, entity, essence, existence, flesh, growth, human, human being, individual, living, living being, living thing, man, metabolism, mortal, mortal being, organism, person, personage, presence, reproduction, soul, subsistence, substantiality, survival, symbiosis, viability, vital spark*, vitality, wildlife
Antonyms: inanimate object

I mean, those are COOL WORDS! I looked them up when I was looking for a word that mean people or individual so I could find one that started with the letter "t".
Instead, I found all these cool ideas----inherent, inner, and life? Those are profound words. It's like....................oh, I want to write something intellectual after reading those words!
but what do I do? I write this drivel. (it felt good to THINK about writing intellectually though)

Mind Blank but mouth running/fingers typing

You know, when I look at that pudge on my jowels, I just cannot believe it is on me! This is a no make-up picture from back in may. I was looking at a thumbnail sized pic of it and it didn't look as bad when it was that small. Blown up as it is here? well, not too good!
and that nose. gee, thanks Dad.
my little S has a ball on hers too. we wish for pointy type noses but nothing changes.

I have been so busy. I am always busy. what is new? but I am more of a different kind. I have been making sure I am not on the constant go---I make sure there are down times. but I am not getting enough, still.

Yesterday seemed so very busy. I can't even remember it now. It was friday. oh yeah, I went to lunch with gabriela from brazil---in town doing work here and I met her there. Then I came home and prayed for Cindy who was presenting her thesis research---she now has a masters in biology! WAY TO GO!!!!!!!!!!! and I was praying for K who was interviewing at his Dad's company. He has another interview next week.
Then Mr came home and after talking with K, we went to see "Invincible" with K and Mom. It was really good. A 27 tear jerker. I liked it.
Then home and Mr packed for Brazil. Then K came and did some stuff on my computer. (like putting my old pictures all on this new computer and my old documents). Then up this morning to take Mr to the airport.

Then I ..................I cannot even go into how complicated, rushed, crazy and confused everything was for the next hour or more.........but I am home now and settled and I may nap or read.
Later I will go to my friend Christa's housewarming across town and take my mom. Today I saw Brenda and her mom Sandee at Pf Community Church.

tomorrow is church and the evening is actually open. I may rest again actually! Then monday I have an appt. around lunchish, then a dinner with a friend. Tuesday I get my hair done (a three hour ordeal!) and then off to a little town to stay in a cabin with three friends. We are praying, fellowshipping, worshipping and relaxing. Another friend will drive down and visit with us in the evening. That is my birthday present from them. Woo Hoo! I love that one.
Then Wednesday night is church, I cannot wait! I've missed two mid-week services recently and I mourn the loss.

then thursday Mr comes HOME!!! and then after I pick him up from the airport, I go to meet another friend for lunch.
Then Thursday night is actually open! (but i haven't really looked at my calendar, so it might not be.)

There is so much to do, but I've done most of it. The rest has to wait until I am up in my little apartment. I can't imagine how I will be away from him. I miss him right now!

God will show me the way and give me courage. .......and if it just is NOT there---then I'm coming home! However, I know that you don't get the grace you need until you need it, so there is no telling how I'll feel later when I NEED it, for now it seems impossible.
Not the school work, oh man that part sounds so fun and interesting and challenging and stimulating!

But trying to manage a long distance relationship with my husband..............well..........I am really serious about doing the hard work of it, and I do believe we have the strength and maturity----but as I always say......TIME WILL TELL.

Any mouth can talk the talk----but time tells the tale.

(I wanted to create a better phrase like, "any tuna can talk the talk but time tells the tale" except that tuna doesn't exactly fit right there.
Neither does tribe, together, glitterati, or intrinsic, but they do have "t" sounds)

Oh it has been a wonderful summer. I am winding down things and it is all coming together. Mom has retired. She got her party and her parting gift and she is at home waiting on the realitors to come assess her home.

I go up there next week and I'll get to see my friend Cindy! Woo Hoo! Happy birthday girl! and I just have way way too many friends having birthdays right now. Mom, Nell, Camilla, Christa, Norma, Cindy, Mr and S! then me, Amy, her children, Anita--her hubby too, yikes! What a ton!

This is always a busy time for my family, but since S wanted the car to go to school and I was supposed to meet B for lunch but she forgot---I have spent the day in prayer and on the internet looking at sites of prophets and such. People who move in the supernatural. What is really cool is that many of the people who were "cutting edge" in the early 90s are still out there....and many of them are connected! I just learned about Todd Bentley, but he is linked with Jill Austin. There is the Elijah list which had a bunch of people---such as Aslan's place which is linked with plumblineministries.com which I have been promoting recently. I only learned about them in 2000 when Norma took me to a conference. They are all connected with Bill Bright, Haglin, Paul Cain, Rick Joyner, Bill Goll.....just a bunch of familiar names. Even Beth Alves! ( that promted me to look up David Alsobrook who is still ministering).

Anita came talking about prayer rooms and her daughter who is involved in IHOP (international houses of prayer). I've been in prayer frequently and I am so thankful for the opportunity to draw near to God on a break. So many times during school I feel like I am just saying, Oh please God! Give me this or this! and I do not spend any time with Him (not quality time) and He is the Lord of the Universe! But this season of refreshing has been so good for my soul. I feel so revitalized, it will be hard to have it slip away as I get busy.

But I am not one of those do-it-all super women. no, I am sorta regular. God has empowered me to do all I am doing now.....and I am grateful. I know to stay focused. If He's called me to teach in the university, then this will succeed. If not, then I drop it. It is so exciting, though! I am determined to give it my all.

Mr has it in his official file that he desires an overseas assignment within 3 to 5 years---so I've got to be ready. Can you imagine? Teaching in the University in China? Woo Hoo! Actually, I could still teach English there....I have my BA, so they would let me. and so I am already prepared. But we'll see what God does. I am the one always thinking I am going to fail and laying on the floor crying thinking I cannot do it--it is too tortuous (or I am too lazy!) but then here I am all graduated Summa Cum Laude and wow, I sure enjoyed it.

It is funny how people do not expect me to be intelligent since I am so cheery flaky. But I just like to go with that side of my personality. Who wants to be a stick in the mud? (some people do!---they call themselves realists--ha!) Well, I live in reality too, and I live IN FAITH! and I just try to let things slide off of me (most of the time). And now I am working towards a goal. My goal was teaching english in china and perhaps doing Myers Briggs seminars (oh i love it), but now I am trying to teach psychology in the university---what I conceived of when I was 18, but didn't know the word "research". I knew I wanted to study and talk all day about psychology and people. Then in my early 20s, I longed longed longed to be a preacher or missionary. I told everyone about Jesus and how He came to earth to die for us and He came BACK TO LIFE! He is coming again! It was so exciting to me to know God and to feel Him and understand Him even just a little.

But I knew I would never be doing missions with my man. He was not even slightly interested. But that has changed somewhat. He is willing to support me anyway.

But the thing with ministry is this.....you cannot just decide to do some ministry.....it has to be in your life. and I have never been a successful evangelist! My whole natural family does not believe in Jesus Christ as the One True God who created the earth, the three in one. Actually, am not sure where my brother actually stands and my mother is really close.....but has no fruit of regeneration. (however, I stand firm that we cannot always know who is born again. God alone is in charge of who is one with Him.....we cannot judge with earthly wisdom).

So I have been very fruitful as an intercessor (seasons of fruitfulness) and as an evangelist to the heart of the believer (like the Haglins). In the church, I love to lead groups to a deeper call in Christ, to repent, to serve, to love, to forgive. These are tough things for many people! and many who call themselves Christians are not. Yet, they've come in among us and so we have the ability to call out to their hearts! This is my cry.

I want to see the captives set free.

In fact, I'd like to see all those healings and deliverances. I know I cannot manufacture those things but there have been some healings in my life through the laying on of my hands or through prayer. And Mr would like to see God move in this way. It really opens people's eyes to the power of God because it just shocks you out of your natural senses! And the receiver of the healing is always so grateful!

We did have a guy at our church come back from the dead. He died of a heart attack, they took him to the hospital. So all the church prayed and they put him in that cryto--whatever --they froze him. When they warmed him up, he was absolutely fine! He came to church and talked about it. He was pretty stunned. He was not a strong believer prior to that time.

it was hard, though, to see Brandon die. It was the first time I have NOT seen someone healed in that way. Our friend Tim died of cancer, but he really wasn't even praying for healing anymore. He was a very godly man. I really respected him. He really had the love for the saints. True compassion.

anyway, I pray the Lord release me into intercessory ministry up north. He knows I'll have plenty of time to pray. and I'm not getting a TV so there won't be that distraction. But I HAVE to have my computer---there's my real distraction!

But I thank Him for the summer of renewal. Now if I can just get to see four friends who have asked to get together before going. I've seen everyone else for the most part.

Mom comes next week.

N.A.B. my daughter/neice/half-great-neice--LOVED ONE!

The most exciting few hours has passed, but it was great.

N called S yesterday. She was crying. S told her to call me and she did! I was overjoyed!
She was miserable and she wanted to come live with us. That wasn't surprising, but what WAS surprising is that she was fighting with her mother saying she wanted to come live here---and C handed her the phone and said, "Knock yourself out."

so she called.

Well, she's probably going to pay dearly, but what is new? She's been difficult and said she was going to run away---so C was worried that she would do it and be out on the streets.

I won't say anymore except that it was a very strange interaction when I called C. But the Lord gave me such patience and faith. REALLY!
I mean, it was as something had broken in the spirit---and freedom is coming!

So I am encouraged and I will continue to rejoice and be patient. All of this is going to work out, I know it. I did ask to speak with N and told her to hang in there, her day is coming! I would pray for her mood, as I know she was very discouraged. I wish I had said, KEEP PUSHING! but I didn't. So it is likely not the time for that.

Still, things won't be the same. Even N saw the glimmer of hope that was almost in her grasp. If she were here, she could have ALL her family---no restrictions from people who love her. She's been told that her birth mother is not ready to see her yet and that's why she has not met her---BALONEY! If she comes here, we'll contact her mother and her grandfather and we'll say, "Let's all rejoice together!" and she'll be surrounded with love on all sides.

Anyway, God will need to work all of that out. He is able and He is willing and it will come to pass!

Blessings,

Girls traveling today

My baby girls are off galavanting to see their estranged relatives.

I spent too long on Art.com just browsing pics and saving them in kitchen PC picture folder. So maybe I'll try to blog here more before I go.

I suppose I should not get on here if I do not really have anything to say!
I'm thinking of my friend traveling from Wisconsin to Arkansas in a 23 foot rental truck.
I'm praying for her sanity, strength, perserverence and safety. I'm so glad her daughter is making the trip with her. Her Dad went up there to help as well. So she's also got her son with her. One son is staying in Chicago and one son is staying in Wisconsin. One son will be staying with her. I cannot remember if he is in the 10th or 11th grade. He is 9mos younger than S. So he is about 16 and she is about to turn 17. (my baby!)

My friend Anita is coming and I cannot wait to see her and give her a big hug! We can go to my church service tomorrow night, then doc on thurs AM then my coffee friends, then my church membership class thurs night, then we can do something else on Friday morn. I'll have to think it up. I've got the guest room clean (thanks Mr.)

I am thinking I should get a red ruby slippers magnet for my fridge up there.
(There's no place like home, There's no place like home)---Elaine would like that one!

Reading Youth Aflame by Winkie Pratney.....sure is a good one!
and Lord, Give Me a Heart for You by Kay Arthur---a Bible Study on 2 Corinthians.
and of course, the Bible.


Had K make a yearbook page for S, would like to post it, but I'll send it by email to friends instead.

I pray that we live a life worthy of the Lord, please Him in every way, grow in the knowledge of God. I pray our love abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight so we can discern what is best and be pure and blameless. I am thankful that we can come before the throne boldly to receive mercy in our time of need. He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son He loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

I also ask for a higher paying job for my friend's husband (and their seven children). I pray that the family at camp be refreshed, renewed, and revived and are given special endurance for this season in their life and a blessing on their marriage, I pray that my mom friends are able to set aside time to read, mediate on the word and pray to the Lord and even to listen for Him. Center us and focus us Lord! I pray that my friend who wants to move to the Northwest would find things coming together and that they would be able to get their house in order and prepare for a move. I pray for employment there and smooth transitions.

This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!

Lord you are good and your mercy endureth forever

I was listening to the song by New Breed and Israel, "Lord you are good and your mercy endureth forever....people from every nation and tongue, from generation to generation--we worship you! Hallelujah, Hallelujah..we worship you, for you are good."
It's very uplifting and active.....I think it loses a bit of that energy in type---but it is there. God is good!

Today I have done a thousand things. My mother also, who has just put in for her retirement. My daughters, as they travel over 400 miles to see their cousinsister. My son is still in process for his apartment and said he was going to be studying--he's left to see his friend, though. He's going to make a yearbook page for me today for S's senior yearbook. I still haven't quite come up with something catchy to say in that---I have a couple of quotes and/or a couple of scriptures and then the usual "We love you, You will always be our baby but you've grown into a lovely woman" that sort of thing. I want it to be SPECIAL, but I am not poetic enough. I am at times, some kind of mood has to come over me and I'm not in it. That's okay. We tell her we love her daily. Told them today, hugged them big. God carries them. I'm aware of how fragile life is and I am thankful for them. I hope I will have a chance at reconciliation with N's family. Maybe sing Kumbaya?

I have packed a ton and there is more to go. It is hard to leave stuff---to pack HALF. I don't know what I'll need exactly, but I sure will NOT need all that I have. The Bible says that a man's life does not consist in the abundance of things----also that we should not store our treasure up here. So today I thought.....ok---no rental storage for me! ha! Reduces that decision, right!

I've been going back and forth on getting a storage, but I know what people do---they continue to spread out beyond the need---and I don't want to go there. I want to minimize my stuff, like my Dad. I think they make sure they NEED what they keep and are very choosey. I want to do that too. It is hard to let go of things sometimes though. I have a million photos. How to decide which ones I don't need? I decided I need them all. Time helps to sort through them. If you cannot remember who that is in the picture--then it is better to toss it. Sure, you may lose a relic, but you won't puzzle the next generation, either! I want to prepare stuff for my children to pass along.

Looking forward to my friend Anita coming from up North.

Saturday Morning Sunshine

trying to get ready for school.

went to office max and bought supplies (love that store)

got some groceries.

L is going to have to learn to live on a budget! Pray for a miracle please

Down at the kitchen computer because it is so hard to go upstairs to type! ha ha

I keep going back and forth on getting a storage. If K is moving out (not til sept 15), then I will give mom 2 rooms and I will still have a room---so that is where the storage will go.

I wish I'd be here so when L moves out (aug 15) I could unload the rest of her room to the dump! Man, she is messy and cluttered and so is K---when mom comes, she is going to have to minimize that in her rooms (please God).

Mr is going to maybe lay some wood floors and paint some. We'll have to totally reconstruct S's room because she has pictures and magazine photos all over her walls, plus anything else she wanted to stick on there. But the walls are purple underneath that. She wanted purple, she wanted purple and she wanted purple. I relented and then she hated purple. Who wouldn't? The room is depressing that dark, uhg.

So she's got to go back to light and airy! and she wants to, she's asking to, that's good.

I have 1000 details to attend to. It is making me crazy, but not. Slowly but surely, it will work. But dang, rough!

and S will need so much money this year for senior year.

and I won't be here to take pics! But I bet I will take them whenever I am home! I was working it out on the calendar--I will hardly be home at all! We are purchasing flights right now. We have some credits from Expedia from the cancelled Omaha flights because Brandon died and we didn't go play volleyball there. That was 1000 dollars worth of tickets! and then I purchased the wrong dates for the SPSP conference in Palm Springs in January and there was no way to get there on such short notice because the conference flights were all booked! Completely! I was so upset that day. But I ordered them when I was working on all those grad school applications, so I was probably on detail overload.

Let's hope I don't get detail overload this year!

Blessings, I'm off here. Guess this entry wasn't worth much, but I just recently got up and my brain isn't quite working yet.

:-)