okay, I don't even remember the last time I blogged.
I might be just barely starting to get adjusted---am I just getting used to misery? Not sure, but I think I am expecting less. That has come about through prayer. Not so many demands on myself. Trying to take one thing at a time. Trying to trust. Praying more.
and my prayers are more than the first "HELP!" ones, which were quite limited in scope.
Talked to prof about failing the test. He said...."You didn't get a zero!" Oh....so that was the point? (no, I didn't get a zero, but neither did I get an A, not even a B, and not even a C). He said to come see him next week, he'd go over test with me, help me learn what I don't know (oh great) and give me some extra problems to try again (yipee....not).
But I'm just being rather sarcastic (probably wrong use of word, oh well). I'm not feeling as dismal as I am saying. It is such a bad grade that well, I don't even know what to think about it except, "whoa".
My place is a MESS! But I cooked a dinner of little thin steak, small yellow potatoes, small french roll and a large portion of brocolli previously frozen (not so yummy). um...well....i tried to hit the spell check on brocoli, broccoli, broccolli, some one email me, ha ha.
Also, I took some books to my work office. and a plant and a gift from Debbie and one from Dora (and Juanita, if you read this, send me an email about how to reach you! Thanks!). I took a space heater up there and my lecture brain and some boxes and some snack bags of almonds and some water bottles. Trying to make it all cozy. I've got some collages that I want to take up there but they are in poster sized frames, very hard to carry....I'll have to wait until Mr gets here on Nov 30.
I called Allison for her birthday. She's doing great in Florida.
Sister has a new job.
Mom got sick, Mr got sick, K got sick, and I think S, too. I was home for the weekend last weekend but so far so good.
We choose classes this week for the winter session. My stats prof suggested that I wait until next year to take STATS 330-2 (session 2) because he commuted before and it is too hard on the brain until you are settled and the next class is VERY MUCH HARDER, he said. You can imagine how excited I am to take THAT class.
Next year, it is.
Then I learned about the Fields Methods class I want to take. .....3 hour observation sessions per week, which take about 6 plus hours to write up, then you have to write a report on them. Two different students said it's like a 20 hour a week class----and take it now because I'll never be this UNbusy again. (ME? UNBUSY????? NOT!)
And then for Child Development, it is the same prof who is teaching the proseminar.....One student said, "The reading load is unbelievable" and I said, "Oh, about like in Prosem?" and she said, "Equivalent to twice the prosem packet each week."
She suggested getting a study group because there is no way anyone can realistically even read it all, but every word has to be read by SOMEBODY, so you can assign someone to each week and they can make reports for the others to review.
and now that I'm not taking stats, I thought I'd take this biomarkers, health, and social somethings.........and I already know that would be a very heavy class.
It is unbelievable to me. Every class is like 3 undergraduate classes put together. It is an insane amount of material. And to think that they can require people to do this much work over and over and over each year! and people DO IT!
At least getting on the web cam has been nice. To see my sweetie. I miss him and I miss my children. I'm not usually one to miss my children, but now I am. I can't say I'm either bored or lonely....neither one of those describe the feelings.
More of awed and overwhelmed and wading through so much.
I think boredom might be nice about now. To think I have underrated boredom! Next time I am bored, I think I'll just sit there and FEEL it. I've forgotten exactly how it feels. I know I didn't like it, but I'd like to experience it for a while.
I feel like my to-do list is 10,500 items long and I get to about 2 each day.
Yet, with all this, I've been sunny and optimistic. I can't believe it, either.
but I did go to church yesterday. I went to an African American church downtown with a friend from my department. I had such a great time!!! and no one looked at me funny either. I was completely welcomed as if it was completely normal for me to be there, although there were only about 3 caucasians in a group of about 2000 African Americans.
Today I went to economics and ended up with a migraine coming. Afterwards I went to a Policy talk and then went home. Later I went back to school at 4 for another policy talk. Then D took me home and we dropped off C at the train station on the way.
This was probably an incredibly boring blog for anyone who waded through it, but THANKS! At least I feel like someone is listening out there. I love when any of you guys email me a comment or an encouragement (or a question). I need more pics on here, don't I?
I'd like to take a pic of the office as it morphs into a real place. One of the tech's put Endnote on my computer and another one is going to put SPSS on there.
but ya know, I STILL can't see staying here year after year. I cannot. I cannot.
But one day at a time. I can see being here tomorrow.
Love and Hugs! S
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