architectural plans for computer lab are complete

We got the computer lab building plans in the mail and they look great! Walter is doing a great job as an employee and he is training Wycliffe. We have lost contact with Francesca so we may need a new librarian, but it can wait. The building needs to be completed!

I'm having a church "Africa Network" meeting on Wednesday Aug 12. We have a list of about 50 people who have gone on trips to Africa before. Many could be college students who have moved on...we'll see. Lindsay joins us as a leader--she just returned from Tanzania where she was instrumental in the building of a medical clinic in Arusha through Manna Worldwide Ministries. We'll help people who feel called to Africa to find a ministry fit. We'll have monthly meetings for encouragement, prayer, support and networking.

On September 19th, I'll host a fund raiser for Trinity Global Development at headquarters and hopefully people will graciously join us to serve the people in the Kakamega area.

I'm apprenticing with a local midwife, beginning a Texas Midwifery 3 year course and taking nursing school pre-requisites. It's the abundant life!

Laura graduates on August 15th at Baylor and Steve's family will be joining us. I'm not sure who all will be coming. We should have a house full!

WE HAVE TAX EXEMPT STATUS!!!

Trinity Global Development received notice that our application as a 501 (c) 3 organization was approved. Now we are completing the paperwork with Dell to receive matching funds from employee donations. Wow. I'm amazed. What a blessing to our friends in Kakamega! What a blessing to the families out in the bush!

We met with our Minister of International Ministry at Stone. We hope to develop a missional community with those who are already working on the African continent for Jesus. With likemindedness and varieties of ministry, we will prayerfully support one another and network together in the body of Christ. It is an exciting time!

I added a photo of me with Boniface reviewing the recipients of the mosquito nets. He divided the 100 nets purchased by Trinity (with donations! thank you!) between several area leaders so that they went to the pregnant women and nursing mothers with infants first.

Right now we are working towards the computer lab building and equipment. We hope to bring several more computers to the area by December. We'll have a trip in December and bring 1o people. Each of those travelers will use one of their allotted suitcases to carry ministry supplies. We want to get the foundation poured. The Provincial Commissioner of the Western Province spoke with Steve and offered to preside over the ground breaking ceremony and assured him that he will provide security or government clearance as needed. He is equivalent to Rick Perry, but there are only 5 of them and they meet directly with the President of the country regularly.

We want to help the Emusanda Health Centre, but we also know that our friend Jane can re-open her medical clinic in Isongo with a gift of $350. That is as important. Emusanda is a few miles away from Isongo and people have to walk to the clinics, so they serve different clientele. S

We are expanding the school, adding cooks and teachers. We want to sponsor uniforms for the children because all the schools in Kenya require uniforms. The students need two meals a day and school supplies for children like Paul, who is 7 years old attending preschool. Both of his parents were killed in a car accident and his older brother had to drop out of junior high to become the father of his siblings, so Paul did not get to go to school either. Now he is learning English, Swahili, math skills, and even social skills using the national curriculum for Kenya.

God is moving mightily. It is a great time in Kakamega. The country is in a great depression and the few jobs are fleeing away, yet God is graciously providing for our brothers and sisters in Kenya. There is no recession in heaven! God is on His throne reigning over His people. He is bringing prosperity upon His children.

musings

I drank two cokes yesterday, that is double the usual....and caffeine actually works on me. When I was 20, I could not get enough. I probably drank six a day. Now I drink two cokes and I wake up at 4am.
So i got up and looked up the passages in Titus about teaching younger women to love their husbands and children and to be busy at home. Yeah, maybe some women don't like busy at home...I know I used to feel positively crushed by staying at home. I wanted to GO and DO and BE....and this week? Ha! I want to stay home in my room and only venture out through computing. The long trip to Mississippi wore me out. Perhaps I was still creeping after the long LONG flights home with the endless layovers and longing for that elusive rested energetic vitality.
Staying home has been difficult for me. Penelope and Oliver have somehow made a difference and I'm thankful for it! but even when I stay home contentedly, I feel pressured to go out and do something important so i am not wasting my life but redeeming the time. A life is such a precious gift, strength is such a precious gift. when I am really listless, God has a chance to whisper to me. He can get through to me when I am satiated from my endless intercessions and declarations and petitions--and just worn out.
He speaks beautiful things. and He corrects me. and I listen. and I love Him.
Better is one day in His courts than thousands elsewhere.
One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.
All of my fountains are in you!
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my life and my portion forever.
Hallelujah!

Hey

Today I was working on the Trinity website. I was trying to post on the current opportunities page. I wanted to say something about how the computer lab is in progress and donate. of course, more needs to be said than that, so I asked Steve what I should write. He was irritated with me---"You don't just write on a website like conversation."
Oh.
yeah.
i guess that's right.
geesh.

i just want to COMMUNICATE! but it is true that you have to consider the audience.
okay, okay.
so I'm blogging to get out my "personal message" style.

I just like to talk!
and at least when I'm on here, I know I'm not interrupting anyone. No one has to listen here. It is all by choice.

alright, so anyway (conversation style here) .....this is a picture of Emily, our preschool teacher. It was Emily's initial vision that got the school started. Bishop Titus (they call him Bishop since he is a head pastor over several pastors) sponsors the school. He provides the school room. Through Trinity Global Development donations, we purchased 100 preschool sized chairs and made 6 tables and three cabinets.

We still need school improvements. The roof was repaired somewhat, although more needs to be done. The partitions are next but when baby T. J. died, the efforts at improvements went on hold. They'll begin soon.

Today is my 26th anniversary! I want a big party. Last year we had to skip party preparations because Steve's father was dying of cancer. He found out in September 2007 and began treatment. But by January 2008, it was evident that the cancer was spreading. He continued treatment but it was not successful. Steve spent most of the Spring trying to drive back and forth to see his father. He was able to spend some time caring for him. All of the siblings were involved. It was not a time for parties. His father passed onto Jesus on May 14th and so on our anniversary, we went to Florida and took little Penelope, but it was a dismal trip. Steve was dealing with plenty of emotion.

So this year, our anniversary is here, but maybe God planned it so that I could make it a fund raising party instead. I should say, maybe I want to have a fundraiser for my anniversary. I'd love to have a big dinner and encourage people to give. So instead of calling it my anniversary party and then tackily asking for donations, I'll make it plain that for my anniversary, Steve is letting me have a fundraising dinner.

I want to bless our brothers and sisters in Kenya---AND increase the Kingdom of God by lifting up Jesus and bringing in the sheaves! I enjoyed getting to know so many people and there are just people you connect with--that you want to bless--that you want to stay in contact with---get to know more and more over time.

we want long term relationships there. we want to establish a work of God and friendships that last. we have Kenyan family now. It is good.

and I'm sure there will be struggles and there will be a honeymoon period and there will be disappointments---but may it be like a strong marriage---built on commitment! even through the pain. even through disappointments because that is when the joy shines through. How thankful I am that I've stayed with Steve. How many times I was ready to quit and God persuaded me or blocked me. and now I bear the fruit of love, joy and peace! what a friend I have in steve. sometimes I want no other (of course, there are other times when he drives me crazy, but it is often just our personalities in conflict.)

i need to buy a book on Amazon. a book about doing community development rather than giving aid to the poor. help them help themselves. the give a man a fish vs. fisherman thing.

blessings!

Home from Kenya

Oh God is good. I've just returned home and now I've gotten the house back in order. I've paid my bills and washed the clothes and posted a few pictures on facebook. I'm so thankful. We had a wonderful time in Kenya with our friends. How amazing to go back and see them so soon. Anita and I were just beside ourselves. God is so good! and how fun for Anita and I to be on the other side of the world together talking about Jesus after being friends for over 20 years. cool.

i need to make a report. i hesitate to even do it. once I've told people about it, it will just fade in their memory like an old story. Old news. yesterdays news. but it is happening NOW. The work of God is going on NOW and it continues!

I can't remember right now how much we had in donations. We have at least four people whose donations will come through their company's matching funds. We're willing to wait for it!

We purchased 100 children's chairs for the school. Your dollars at work! We purchased six tables and either two or three cabinets for books. We officially agreed on the salaries for the two current teachers. They are advertising for new teachers with certification in early childhood education. We may keep these two teachers on as aides and we have a cook hired, too.

We spoke with the architect about building plans for the computer lab and library. Eventually we'd like to have it be two stories with a carpentry school and a tailoring school on the bottom and the computer lab and library on the top. For now, we'll build a one story building with a foundation capable of expansion to two stories. The land was purchased with money we sent in January before we had Trinity up and running.

We hired three people for the computer lab. One main guy is already a computer teacher who knows programming languages. he's also going to be our administrator. We left a computer with him. Another guy got a computer and he's going to be training so that he can also teach others. then we have a librarian ready to begin once the library is there. We may be able to get the building up, but it may be some time before it is filled with books! books are hard to ship, very expensive.

We also spoke with a local clinic and found out their needs. We went to a hospital and spoke with a doctor there. We purchased VERY low cost government dispersed mosquito nets at 65 cents a piece rather than the five dollars they would cost at the grocery store. He let us purchase quinine from him to send to the local clinic. Mom got one big bottle of 1000 and we bought one bottle of 1000. each bottle has 2000 doses for children.

malaria is a terrible killer. pregnant and nursing mothers and infants are particularly susceptible. AIDS kills slowly, malaria is frequent and quick. The doctor said that prevention is the key and the nets have significantly reduced the number of cases they treat daily.

We brought the donated aspirin and tylenol, and feminine products to the clinic. Mom brought a stethescope and a blood pressure cuff, a merck manual, exam gloves and alcohol wipes. They were so thankful and grateful. Talk about a pleasure to give! wow! it just makes you want to go find more to give.

and the need is so great, it is only a drop in the bucket.

but if everyone gives a drop, the bucket could runneth over!

and so I pray that we will continue to get the message out and that God will encourage others to join us in sharing with the poorest of poor.

Anita and I really enjoyed going around to the churches. The people are so welcoming. they are so blessed to have the novelty of visitors come into their lives. they are so friendly and cheerful even in their poverty. They know they are suffering, but they really look to the Lord for provision and relief and healing and encouragement. It is such a blessing to be around them.

The camera helps make easy friends. they love their picture taken. i wish I could hand them a finished photo! i will send photos for some, but it would cost a fortune to make them all and the money is better spent elsewhere.

Little Paul had been in the hospital when my mother made the visit there. Titus and Rose prayed for Paul. A few days later, we headed up the road to Margaret's house to pray for little Paul. He was out of the hospital but he was still hot with fever. We purchased that Quinine and were glad to send him some medication.

Another boy named Paul attends the school. He is 7 or 8 but he's not been to school and cannot afford to go. both of his parents died in a car accident and his pre-teen brother was left to raise the family. There is no way they will be able to pay for the uniforms or the books or the daily meal that are required in order to attend free public school. But Paul is learning English and Swahili at our preschool and he gets a free meal each day. Let's hope he's a whiz at computers because we do not have an elementary school yet and it would be a shame for him to only have a preschool education.

On a lighter note, there was the free termite meal night. I was not there, but mom and anita were awakened by people crawling around their house and it spooked them. they finally got up to find out what was going on. people had come to the place where there was electric lighting. After the rains, the termites had come in swarms. to the kenyans, this was manna from heaven! they were out collecting them and sticking them in cups and jars to take home and cook. for the hungry, they can be eaten alive as a sweet snack. Our friends gladly demonstated. UGH! even little children pick them up and snack on them cheerfully.

and then there was the day that Anita received the amazing luxury gift of a rooster. She was blessed. She knew what a sacrifice this was for Godwin and Mildred. Mildred was pregnant when we were there in December and we gave her baby supplies because she had nothing. Godwin had been a muslim who came to Jesus and his family rejected him and cut him off. He had nothing.

But the baby died in her womb and she delivered a stillborn. We were so grieved. Anita and I were talking on the phone when she got the email. We cried and prayed for young little Mildred.

so it was with great joy that we saw she was doing well. Anita accepted the gift graciously. She and mom headed to bed early that night. About 10pm, someone peeked into the room......was she ready to get up to eat dinner? ......no thank you, she was already asleep.

when she got up in the morning, she saw the boys eating the night's leftovers. it was rooster. and not any rooster, but her gift rooster! Gone, eaten. and they enjoyed him. Oh well, you can't exactly take him home, right? mom wishes she'd have gotten a picture of that bone on the plate. evidence that mr. rooster did indeed exist. but he passed into obscurity instead.

then there was my food poisoning. should I make a story out of that? ha ha! it was very public. everyone told me wherever i went afterwards that they were praying for my sickness. hooray! but I am glad they prayed. all through my misery, i continally thanked God telling Him, It is worth it. I am glad to be here. this is nothing. it will pass.

and it did.
and I'm fine.
i lost 10 pounds and then gained it right back, darn it.
slim for three days.
oh i guess there are more important things.

we did get to go around to several churches and preach the good news and rejoice with our brothers and sisters. We got to worship with them, which is always fun. especially at Joseph's church ---and I heard that Thomas Boya's church is very lively---but I was not able to make that one. We went to Sony's church, Boniface's church, Geoffrey's church at pastor cosmos' house, Stanley's church, Joseph's church, Thomas' church, I'm sure I'm missing some. We visited the high school, an elementary school, 2 hospitals and a clinic.

oh man, at one hospital there was a 19 year old named Japeth. Japeth was in hideous shape. We laid hands on him in prayer. he looked like a late stage AIDS patient but he wasn't. He had seizures and epilepsy and other things like maybe TB or something. He was all drawn up and skinny. He barely seemed coherent and was clearly in great pain.

His father used to care for him, but his father died a year ago. since then he'd been basically left to himself. The doctor, a very good man who runs the hospital in a rural area plus a clinic in kakamega and is a pastor, too---He made house calls in the area and found this boy uncared for. He demanded that the family bring him in for surgery. his bedsores were like giant holes the size of oranges eating into his hip. they brought him in a green old wheelbarrow that rested outside of his door. The pain that must have caused him! Japeth is often on my mind and I hate to consider how he suffers every minute. How he has suffered this last year! and he is just one of many who are unseen suffering in a world without treatment! But this doctor will care for him. He was going to take him into surgery that same day to remove the dead areas and put the boy on the path to healing.

there was so much fun there, though, too. i loved meeting Melab, wife of pastor Steve, mother to baby Anita, named after Anita when she came in December. Melab is a beautiful smart woman who sings and plays the drum for worship. She has a beautiful happy fat baby, which is so good to see when many babies are NOT fat. it is rare.
Steve asked Pastor Steve to stand next to his wife and get close to her. bishop titus is encouraging local pastors to love their wives as christ loves the church and to be affectionate with her. So pastor Steve sort of lays hands on his wife. My steve says, Hey, you look like you are PRAYING for her, get closer, so Pastor steve just takes a step closer but leaves his hands there on her neck. THIS CRACKS ME UP EVERY TIME I SEE IT!!! IT IS SO LOVELY AND DORKY!! He was trying.
They are a great couple, great people. one of my favorites. I look forward to getting to know them more and more.

okay, nap time. a little quick snooze so I can serve my hubby when he comes home from his first day at the office. he was sick from a cold he caught in kenya and suffered on the plane trip home. we got home at 1am on saturday morning and then went to garson's baylor graduation in waco first thing on saturday morning and did not get home until 7:30pm!!! so we crashed and then Steve slept most of sunday and the night too, and now he's had to go into work.

i've worked these past days, too, getting everything back in order, house restocked, bills paid, laundry washed, ....and so I'll get a little snooze to perk back up again.

God is good, all the time, in all ways, Amen!

Trinity Global Development YEAH!

I am so thankful that I have gotten the website posted to the web and I've gotten the paperwork for tax exemption sent to the IRS-the 1023. So I'll be a 501 (c)3 as soon as they notify me and then it will be retroactive to the date I mailed the paperwork--April 6, 2008.

and I'm gearing up for the trip to Kenya, but I've waited so long to ask anyone for donations. My friend Anita is bringing tons of stuff. She's got a huge midwifery poster set and a giant felt storyboard set, among other things. We're bringing childbirth and baby care books. My mom is going to teach hygiene and CPR. She'll take blood pressure readings and I'm not sure what else.

I'm going to be filming footage to use in a promo video so people get a feel for what it is like there.
I pray that Jesus is exalted and that people in Kenya give Him praise as a result of the generosity of those who give to see their lives improve.

My Kenyan Friends

My heart is heavy. Little TJ, Titus Junior, died yesterday. The cause is a mystery right now, but I'm sure they will investigate. He was sleeping and his brother woke him, which startled him--and he could not catch his breath. He died. He is only 6 months old.
His mother was at a wedding and did not hear about it for hours. His father was with the oldest child, Sheila, at her school. They took him to the doctor but it was too late.
I cannot imagine.

when we're in heaven

I was considering heaven. We will be past Rev 20:12 when all of created humanity will be judged before the great white throne of God. the books of our deeds will be opened and reviewed but THE BOOK that matters is the Book of Life. If a person's name is in the Book of Life, they will not be thrown into the lake of fire, the second death (eternal separation from God.)

when the books are reviewed, it is going to stink. Everyone will have to sit through their own public showing of their entire private life. OUCH! The merciful point is that this happens to EVERYONE so after many reviews, there will not be many surprises (i'm guessing at that, of course)

I am imagining AFTER that, when those who are gathered to the Lord forever exist together in oneness with God and each other. I can't imagine that we would not rank ourselves somehow. yet, i feel certain that we will not. we will be fully known. we will be fully loved. we will accept each other because there is no sin.

but if I regret not doing MORE now, or if I see that I was able, by God's grace alone, to do more than another---how will this escape my notice later? Mostly I don't want to be there before God and see all that selfishness and wasted life when He was giving me so many gifts that I spent on myself, my comfort, my pleasure, my entertainment and fun. (I love fun.)

and i went down this road of thought because I am feeling so low and inadaquate after trying to teach while scatterbrained. since I am frequently scatterbrained on my good and gifted days, it makes me all the more discouraged to be scatterbrained AND disturbed. I am grieving for Cindy and her family.

it is not so much my thoughts that bother me, it seems to be my emotions. I may be processing and overtaxing my circuitry. I like to claim I have as many as 9 tracks going on in my head at once. I'm frequently accused of thinking too much. My husband tells me, "Don't think about it, JUST DO IT!" and I am left wondering what that means. How does any person avoid thinking? what does it take to shut off the brain?

the only way I usually shut down is when I am very tired, very sick, or very angry. None of constitute a good state of mind. any other time I am likely thinking of several things at once. and I'm not orderly about it. this can get unnerving when trying to explain something to someone else---and their going to need it in order.

teaching the children today did not go well. I so enjoy them. I wish I could just have fun with them and do whatever I want to do! I wish we could spend more time on the Bible and less time doing homework. and i personally don't care for the playground time--but they really like it, so it must have some value. :-)

enough rambling.
time to go to bed.
I wish I could talk to Cindy. Because she is constantly on my mind, I think of things I want to tell her, but then I remember that I can't do that.
oh how terrible it will be for Steve or me when our other dies. it is natural and normal. and I suppose it would be a tragedy indeed if we were to die at once because it would be such a burden to the children.

is anyone reading? I bless you. I pray God reveal Himself to you. I thank my mom for bringing up something that caused me to revisit this blog. (hence the photo of my mom)
this is a good time.
blog crazy.
but sane in the world.
yeah,
works for me.
thank you Jesus

My friend Cindy passed away on the 14th. I'm posting on a Sunday and last week I was sitting in the Madison, WI airport waiting for her youngest son to arrive so i could rent a car and drive us up to marshfield.

Her oldest son is in the other picture, along with my son Kevin in the middle with his former girlfriend. Kevin was in Chicago to help me move back home. we made sure to get together with Doug. It is always good to see him.

I'm sad. I'm not sad about death. Death doesn't bother me. I even look forward to my own death--and Cindy looked forward to hers. but she wasn't planning on going any time soon. it was abrupt and accidental and cruel.

and I know she relied on the sacrifice of Jesus and He said everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved, and she trusted in Him for her atonement, not in her own works.

but the suddenness and the cruel parts are just hard to swallow. the injustice of it. I am thankful that Jesus will overcome evil with good! He will overcome evil FOR GOOD!

and the song played at the funeral was one of our favorites. we went to the newsboys concert that year. we had the CD (or rather, the cassette, but i bought the CD later). they chose, "Shine"

and I also choose, "Elle G."

the first part doesn't make any sense, and no, Cindy did not kill herself as the girl in the song, but there are questions, there are regrets. How I wish I could talk to her!

thumbs out on a desert road, I am told, leads to nowhere. any shade is as good as the next, if your shadow doesn't go there.

week seven: Did you really assumeI'd find some solace from the letter in your room?next life, could you kindly refrain from throwing yourself at the mercy of a train?

silence all, nobody breathe how in the world could you just leave?you promised you would silence that evil with good

hear me out, I have the floor I'll give you my tears, I'll listen more you promised you would overcome evil with good

maybe this world is a barren place for a soul prone to get lost, but heaven still hounds from the smallest sounds to the cries of the storm-tossed.

week nine: I am writing in the sand any little clue that could help me understand

every whispered secret, every muffled sigh every half-truth that was added to a lie

silence all, nobody move I've got to know now what you hoped to prove you promised you would silence that evil with good

shame feeds guilt, guilt needs release you took it to God you made your peace and swore that you would overcome evil with good

every old demon playing back the crime if they needed blood, I'd have gladly given mine

a Child of the Kingdom; still an invalid

forgive her, please Fathershe don't know what she did

silence all, now go to sleep

the water's free, the well is deep

how can we return

that which we never could earn?

God, I long to see her face

we haven't a hopebeyond Your grace

I know that You will

overcome evil

for good

welcome to my blog, mom!

this is just in case mom logs on.....

Africa

I don't think I've posted for Africa. I don't send this out. Dad, are you out there? let me know if you get notification that I've blogged! :-)

I've been working on getting AID to Kenya and working on community development. I want to help them help themselves through education. The church there is opening a pre-school for orphans. I think tomorrow is the first day of school there. I want to get desks, curriculum, school supplies, and teacher support over there. We also want to build a computer lab and a library.

but that isn't all they need!

I'd like to be sure there is medical assistance, such as malaria treatment, AIDS antiretroviral medications, antibiotics, immunizations. I suppose I don't have to try to get these things there, but I want to do it.
We considered starting a non-profit. it is likely too complicated for our desires and means we will not be in the drivers seat. But a personal foundation needs at least 100,000.....and really more like 1 million. we don't have that.

Trying to find a 501c3 that can we can give through is another tough road. In order to do it ethically, we would need to find someone who already had OUR goals as their stated goals to the IRS. There is the church in Illinois, but they only fund per project. Of course, there IS the chance I could get them onboard for the computer lab, but currently they are working on a community tractor.

i checked with the CDC and I looked up some government grants. For the grants, I need to be a 501c3 or a research institution or higher education or something I'm not. For the CDC, I already need to be a medical person or someone with more education and experience than I have. oh bother.

However, the CDC is working on a program in Kenya, that it wants to bring to Kakamega, related to computer training for medical workers. They want to train them about infectious disease control and use e-learning. I could participate in that. They would not actually benefit my purposes, but I could be a benefit to them. I'm going to look into that further.

I've contacted CHF International to see if they will partner with me. They have some initiatives in Kenya, mainly centered around HIV, but I could possibly help in that arena as well. There are so many people with HIV and many have died from AIDS. There are so many orphans.

I know the government in Kenya is working on water sources and on increases agricultural technology and has money to award for those purposes. I want to learn more about those programs to make sure our friends are applying. We can work on biodigesters of manure and human waste that turn waste into gas for cooking. There is water reclamation or wind or solor power technologies. The biodigesters also have a by-product of a natural non-toxic nitrogen fertilizer. There's plenty of poop to go around, so i think we need to bring these plans to our friends!

I've been asked to come speak in April. I'm so happy about it. Rev. Kutima asked me to come speak at his church's youth conference. I am trying to finalize plans with Steve. I'd like to bring other people with me. I need to get a notice out about that.

it was interesting to read the NY Times and see an article by Bono. He's going to be a regular contributor now. I also want to work on his global initiatives. End poverty! there are millenium development goals of the UN about reducing extreme poverty by 2015. I'm all for it and want to participate.

It always seems you cannot do something unless you already do it. I never quite get that concept. but I am glad that somehow the world goes around with plenty of people who are already doing the things I want to do and so they continue to get to do them. I'd love to be a nurse, but I neither want to work at the education nor work at the job (12 hour shifts, UGH!)
I suppose I never like being tied down and unable to travel. That has its limitations.

but I am so thankful that I have gone to Africa and it is something Mr. can get excited about. He agreed to be open to China, but never quite got it. He's good with Africa and will be going with me in April. I am so excited!

added a blog

I added a blog today, MercySearch, as recommended by Jolene. MercySearch added her on facebook because of their common interests--now I want to contact MercySearch because she does work in Africa.
i haven't posted work in Africa---well, I haven't posted really anything!

God is good, though, and faithful and merciful and wonderful. I pray I bring Him glory!

I'm looking for curriculum to share with the new school there. I'm talking to CHF International about a partnership with them for Kakamega and rural area, Western District, Kenya.

Without absolutes revealed from without by God Himself, we are left rudderless in a sea of conflicting ideas about manners, justice and right and wrong, issuing from a multitude of self-opinionated thinkers. John OwenBiography-Website

If we would talk less and pray more about them, things would be better than they are in the world: at least, we should be better enabled to bear them. John OwenBiography-Website


“The custom of sinning takes away the sense of it, the course of the world takes away the shame of it”
John Owen quote


“Do you mortify? Do you make it your daily work? Be always at it whilst you live; cease not a day from this work; be killing sin or it will be killing you”
John Owen quote


“In the divine Scriptures, there are shallows and there are deeps; shallows where the lamb may wade, and deeps where the elephant may swim”
John Owen quote

from johnowen.org ....a puritan theologian

Oh how todays society hates the Puritans! and so it behooves us to admire them.....


Let our hearts admit, "I am poor and weak. Satan is too subtle, too cunning, too powerful; he watches constantly for advantages over my soul. The world presses in upon me with all sorts of pressures, pleas, and pretences. My own corruption is violent, tumultuous, enticing, and entangling. As it conceives sin, it wars within me and against me. Occasions and opportunities for temptation are innumerable. No wonder I do not know how deeply involved I have been with sin. Therefore, on God alone will I rely for my keeping. I will continually look to Him.

John OwenBiography-Website

12 sins we blame on others

1) Anger

I wouldn’t lose my temper if my co-workers were easier to get along with, or if my kids behaved better, or if my spouse were more considerate.

2) Impatience

I would be a very patient person if it weren’t for traffic jams and long lines in the grocery store. If I didn’t have so many things to do, and if the people around me weren’t so slow, I would never become impatient!

3) Lust

I would have a pure mind if there weren’t so many sensual images in our culture.

4) Anxiety

I wouldn’t worry about the future if my life were just a little more secure—if I had more money, and no health problems.

5) Spiritual Apathy

My spiritual life would be so much more vibrant and I would struggle with sin less if my small group were more encouraging, or if Sunday school were more engaging, or if the music in the worship service were more lively, or if the sermons were better.

6) Insubordination

If my parents/bosses/elders were godly leaders, then I would joyfully follow them.

7) A Critical Spirit

It’s not my fault that the people around me are ignorant and inexperienced.

8) Bitterness

If you knew what that person did to me, you would understand my bitterness. How could I forgive something like that?

9) Gluttony

My wife/husband/roommate/friend is a wonderful cook! The things they make are impossible to resist.

10) Gossip

It’s the people around me who start the conversations. There’s no way to avoid hearing what others happen to say. And when others ask me questions, I can’t avoid sharing what I know.

11) Self-Pity

I’ll never be happy, because my marriage/family/job/ministry is so difficult.

12) Selfishness

I would be more generous if we had more money.

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness. Eleanor Roosevelt

Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give. Eleanor Roosevelt

Quote of the Day
To us there are dark places in the truth. But who can say, in this brief vapor's breath of life, what light might break upon the soul that looks, unwavering, and long enough at some dark spot, with prayer and pondering and hope that it may turn into a portal for the sun?—John Piper, Taste and See, p. 179.

Penelope

Penelope Puppy. a reminder of how God is changing me through HIS effort just as I am changing Penelope by MY effort. She just starts with her puppy DNA and I can either ruin her or mold her for the good.
and God takes me and molds me for the good. For His good. so the onus is upon Him. I remain the eager puppy.

Mister is driving home from MS and I'm praying he drive safely. He's in the new car he bought me, but even though I managed to get him to purchase an automatic transmission (and in another color rather than the RED he was choosing AGAIN. not my fave. it's silver. hooray--black, white, and tan are good too)

tomorrow is mothers day and I'm thinking of my little baby N who is far away. we're going to go to her honey's celebration. we have our 25th anniversary coming up. I want a party but I want my house remodeled as well. we have so much work that we have to do on the house. i was so busy for a few years there. time to clean, repaint, renew and update.

dang, there are so many current fads. like outdoor living. of which i wholeheartedly approve. i always think i'm going to go out there. now with penelope, I do! and we eat dinners out there. we were eating dinners out there when k's fiance would come and when N was here. those were fun days. all the family around and my mom too.

what a blessing that was.

and now things are more quiet.

s has moved out.

mr is calling....

I'M BACK!!!

after so long, my friends, i am secretly blogging.

i went through and read some of my blogs. it was interesting to ME. (maybe not you, but I am SO interesting to ME.

I got on MySpace and another relative is on there. Misters half sis by pops has a pic on misters ex wife of half bro by pops. How's that for interest?

this beautiful flower is a peony I bought at the jefferson and 34th street flower shop when I thought I'd be having so many parties.

22 feels like 8

drove up into the cold after a great time with the N's. No time to write, just to say I am here to pack up and go home. This place is small so it seems as though a move would be easy, but it does take so much thought.

brought a friend with me, makes it fun.

excited to see K/M coming up on Thursday--hope we get to visit DT together.

have had a chance to put more pics on MySpace. weird medium. hoping to get a comment from N.

My baby S has not been feeling good AGAIN. I'm not happy about it. Not sure what I need to do. All those headaches and stomach aches. I'm praying for her and will be home soon.

Bless the Lord, He is good. I feel the abundance. I'm pleased.

staying home today

Today I was going to head up to LR to stay with C and then on to the conference tomorrow. Instead, I am staying home today and going to drive straight through to the conference tomorrow--about 11 hours.

S came in and got in bed this morning. She had a terrible headache all night. I also slept VERY poorly, alternating between too cold and too hot. Mainly I was too cold and when I put on a hat, socks and pillow over my head I would get overheated. But the overhead fan is too much for me and not enough for Mr.

I suppose I am questioning if I should go to the conference. I desire to go and I desire to stay and I don't know which is better. But I think it is better to stay and so I might. Yet I will miss the conference and all the neat people there --all the ideas. I will regret it. So I should go. Waffling. Hmph.

working hard on the ireland tickets for spring break has been a pain in the (body part) EYE! (head, arm, leg, foot, ear)

I guess everyone is going to Ireland. And everyone is coming home. The flights are all booked and we want 6 tickets on one flight and at a low price. ha ha.

but we've got some on hold at Dillards Travel. Mr is calling about that now.

trying to coordinate with K about going up North to get the stuff in the apartment. M wants to go but she cannot take a Monday off. So we have to fly up on a Thursday, pack up on Friday and leave on Saturday? kind of hard. but maybe.

I was trying to make the dates be across Friday feb 2 so I could go to the HDSP party at my advisor's home. should be great fun. I'll miss that too.

If I went to the conference and the party, that would be a nice ending.

I'm not worrying about the future right now. I know I want to keep going to school and that I would like to get a phd and teach. I am still young (always young!) and I'm not dead, so maybe there will be an opportunity.

If I want to use my GRE scores, which are very decent, then I have to enroll somewhere by Fall of 2009. I took the GRE in August 2004 and the scores are only good for five years. I'm not taking that thing again unless I feel desperate or something.

There's a job as an academic advisor at where L goes to school--I wish I'd hear from them about S. There is the MA in counseling where I got my undergraduate. Mr is going to check about jobs at his company---but it is far from his reach of influence. I'd like to work in orientation there or in training. but I'd miss academia. I love being in the school environment...particularly where I was. There was always interesting things to attend, far more than you could ever take in.

Those are my main thoughts. I checked on tuition remission at L's university and you have to work there for five years before you get that. You get it for yourself within one year, but only 20% off children's or spouse's education, but then 40% 2nd year, 60 % 3rd year, something like that. It seemed to stay that no tuition remission benefits begin until after 1 year, so maybe when they say 20% 1st year, they really mean 1st year of elgibility which is 2nd year employment.

More later.

ALL FIXED

These are my "know all about it" culligan water friends. M came over and explained the molecular activity of the resin. It's a chemical reaction (i'm probably describing it wrong) where the calcium binds to these granules as the hard water flows through them. Over time they wear out so they need to be recharged with sodium. Something in the water softener broke and the resin came spilling out into the plumbing. It is safe and harmless--HOORAY! and we just had to flush out all the faucets and such.

THANKS M! WAY TO GO! (really appreciate these guys!)

HELP please identify problem if you recognize this...

Not sure what this stuff is.

Is it granular like sugar except that it doesn't melt into the water. it is in the cold pipe but not the hot water. It has no smell. It is just like the stuff in a coke icey in appearance.

Little piggy

My S is dissecting little piggys. ouch to the little piggy.

I'm at home in texas. nice.

lots of details to attend to.

and in a few days another long drive to memphis for a conference.

checked out MySpace of s and her friends. enlightening, discouraging, not too bad. but didn't like s's photos and didn't like one girl's photos of her and her friends always drinking. she's not 21.

gotta go shower. miss my schoolwork--NOT.

I'll try and post later, my heart is just not in it!

Ed and Anita Nenonen

My friends....I've known E since 1986!! That would be 20 years! He used to work delivering Pizzas at our pizza delivery restaurant--Pizza Express. At the time, he was so depressed wondering what God was doing having him deliver pizzas when he'd gotten his masters in divinity. But HEY! We're in the KINGDOM NOW!

and so all things work together. E remembers me in my pre-Jesus days (ouch!). A met me after I got saved when I visited their church in 1988. Long time ago, eh?

But I went to visit them since they are in the southern part of my school state. Since I will be returning to Texas, I felt it was imperative that I visit them. I had a glorious weekend of fellowship!

Saturday A took me to a youth basketball game where she gave her testimony. Their daughter B also went to a different one. I was like....wow, what a thing to do on a saturday morning. they get up to go give their testimonies! and to think that they do this at a secular event. It was an interesting phenomenon to me. Curious. Blessed!

Then we went to visit her friend J, who does flowers for weddings. I loved her of course! We ate at Tequilas (minus the tequila) and then went and looked at her wedding books full of flower arrangement ideas. OHHHHHH delightful.

Then we went and picked up daughter R and headed over to the bridal shop to look at bridesmaids gowns----OOOOOOOO! super fun.

then that night we (E, A, B, and me) to the Watermark Concert!!!! GOSH I WAS IN HEAVEN! First this boy they know, who is only 13 and goes to their church, opened with 2 worship songs, one was "I can only imagine" Amy Grant sings that, but it may be a regular song that lots of people sing, I heard someone else sing it too. Then he sang another common song and he sang the "Selah" version---I have their worship CD with the song--"You Lift Me Up" and I think some american idol singer sang it too. OH MAN, he was good. He's won some awards and was in nashville, maybe to do a recording? Lord bless him. I met his mom at church on Sunday. Reminded me of best buddy CT. (Love ya honey!)

Then there was a guy, John Cox, and it was good. Then Watermark. She was pregnant with number 3! Woo Hoo! Dead crowd, though, they would clap with a fury that said they loved it, but no one raised their hands or stood up. Every now and then someone would. I didn't stand but I had at least one hand in the air most of the time worshipping. I wanted to hold up a lighter at the end. B told me these days you use a cell phone----but I didn't bring mine, rats.

oh, i'm too tired to go on! must go to bed. tomorrow I'll tell more except that I talk to my advisor tomorrow to tell him I'm going home. I do have a replacement for his team, however, CS would love to work with him and is afraid he doesn't want her, but he will after I talk to him! :-)

God loves me and I love Him---what a bargain!

watching tv again

Watching "all the kings men" about Huey Long in Louisiana. Lived in Louisiana once...didn't like it. Corruption. Trying to do good by doing it badly.

I downloaded my readings for one of the courses. I got a book in the mail for another course, but it is the book that I don't need this week. I hope the OTHER book comes tomorrow! There were several packages in the mailbox area on the first floor today. Several Amazon.com boxes. Other students like me in the building. Supposedly there are several MBA students in the complex.

I'm going down to the southern portion of the state where my friend A.N. lives. I get to see her Grandbaby! Yes, my friends having grandbabies, imagine that. I won't be going until Mr gets into town in Texas. He arrives at 8:30 on Friday morning. K and M will go pick him up and take him to breakfast. Wish I were going. But I'll be going to see A.N. and I'll go to church with them on Sunday where E.N. pastors.

Somehow I'll read all my stuff in the meantime and come back here on Sunday or Monday. Can't decide. Depends on how much I can get done while I'm there. If they are able to put me somewhere that I am able to read and concentrate, I might stay longer. It will be nice not to be alone. It is so hard not being at home with S, she is stressing out. It makes me stressed out just worrying about it. But Mr will be there, that gives me a measure of peace. He's been gone from home for 2 weeks and it is just too much for S. She's used to us being there and maybe she's not ready to be independent. I don't believe children NEED to be independent until they are about 25. If they CHOOSE to be independent before that, so be it. But we've still been there to cover for K. We want to see them get a degree. Now that he's got that job, it is nearly as good. If he can do a good job over the next year, the experience will get his foot in the door for many years. Oh how Mr and I wished for the foot in the door when we were young! and we had no connections.

But the world is different for our children.

Steve told me about Mississippi Burning. I read that book when I moved to Texas and took a History course. YEP, I had to move to TEXAS to learn Mississippi history. When I took MS. History in the 10th grade---NO ONE mentioned ANYTHING about the civil rights movement. Neither did I learn about it in American History even though we went from Native Americans to the President at that time! (it was 1981).
In fact, I took Civics in Louisiana in 1979 (?) in the 9th grade from an African American Teacher ---but I don't remember learning anything about it then either! (but in that course, it may have been that I wasn't paying attention, so no valid argument about it).

okay, it is almost 1am. and I am awake. Haven't even gotten ready for bed. But I am not sleeping too well, so it is hard to just head there. but I'll do it anyway. I am able to fall asleep good enough, but it is a crazy sort of sleep with such frequent wakefulness, doesn't seem right. I'll read some of my Field Method text reading and that should be good and enjoyable.

Good night. I pray we all sleep well in the Love and Grace of God.

trying to watch another video

Cold here.

It is something like 24 feels like 17....I checked the home temp---it was 40 degrees feels like 40, clear with a full moon (and I suppose the moon is the same in both places, eh?)

Trying to watch Agnes of God, never seen it, but dang, can't get the subtitles on. I can read a movie better than just watch it.

I also got "All the Kings Men" about Huey Pierce Long, the famous Louisianna Gov.

and 13 conversations about one thing. Seems like an interesting piece. (the lady at Blockbuster squealed, "OH it's got my boyfriend in it!" meaning mathew McConaughey. I was at Frye's (an electronics store) with Mr and watching the giant tvs just to see what was on them. I thought I recognized Matthew McC in this scene where he is running with a gun and acting like he is tough guy. Now, my baby S tells me that he IS a tough guy (when I criticized him she set me straight. Glad she wasn't there to see me laugh at him on the screen). But with the sound down, it LOOKED like acting.

I call it bad acting when you are not drawn into the story but rather notice that they are acting. Now in the old days, you had to really suspend reality and use your imagination for the special effects in Star Trek. But today, well.....I saw Lord of the Rings and didn't Gollum LOOK real? You don't even remember he is fake! (creepy) and the elf princess, ah, so pretty and ethereal.

But not McC! So I had a good laugh. I'm not sure I've ever seen him acting, but it seems to me I might have and that he was good enough. He is nice looking and that always works well for actors. Folks around Texas (central parts anyway) are prone to like him.

As for school, I got plenty of homework for this week. My soc-bio class is deep with heavy readings----but the child development course. Whoa Bessie! It is intense. With about 10 weekly scientific journal articles of around 25 pages each----and we will be having a 2 hour final exam!

If I lived through Econ, though, I can live through this (I have not received my grade for econ yet, though, since I turned in my paper after Christmas---it is still incomplete on my transcript). In fact, since I enjoyed many facets of Econ, I am bound to love this. I LOVE child development research. I did seriously consider going that direction for my PhD program---and I still COULD because this program is multidisciplinary and I could do anything I wanted to do (within reason).

It's midnight.

tomorrow is the viewing of 49UP and then discussion in the faculty lounge of the library (OH COOL!) I' ve totally loved the discussions of this past week. Brain candy all the time. (and sometimes brain sledge hammer, but that's okay!)

32 feels like 21

The sky is overcast, but there is usually enough sun here.

I am not motivated. Motivation is one of the interesting things about humans..their motivations--which are sometimes obvious, sometimes obscure---sometimes both for varying situations.

I am tired, I guess. Tired of working up all the effort. I suppose by human comparison, I am perhaps lazy. Lazy in certain areas, because I can be very tense and aggressive at times. And very determined. But I think I want the easy life after a few great years of work. This is what I really wanted--I wanted to get a PhD and teach in the University. That much I am SURE of. It is right up there with other things I am sure that I like.......MBTI, China, Pregnant Moms, Jesus (not in that order!)

I wish I could have this in my hometown! What a fun world THAT would be---because it is mondo cool here (is that even a phrase?). I mean, big time cool. I will undoubtedly long for it. But I am longing for home in such a great way, I will simply have to find my contentment there. Contentment? I am rarely "content". The Bible encourages us to be content in every circumstance (well, Paul says that he is, whether well fed or hungry, rich or poor in Philippians--that he's learned that, so maybe I can learn it too).

It is just that I like complexity in life. Home life doesn't lend itself to complexity, dishes and bathrooms are SO MUNDANE!!!

But what I have seen here is that I am so simple by comparison to them. Not simple totally, I just mean that I am more easily satisfied than they are whereas in church, I usually feel so much more complex than many others (not all by any means! I love my complex friends).

I am an ENFP conservative Christian almost fundamentalist evangelical (rather liberal and feminist for that designation). I am a Wife and Mother and altruistic to some degree. I enjoy intellectual stimulation and abhore manual labor unless I am sure it is helpful to someone. I am extroverted (already said that) and that mediates my neuroticism to a great degree (helps me be optimistic E which negates the pessimism of N).

I'm about to have to explain myself a million times over. I am concerned how my boss will take it. I am sad that he's invested in me and I will be leaving. I will be sure to find out if there is any way I can work for him in Texas! I would like to continue doing interviews and coding the transcripts. I would like to continue on with his work somehow. He is so interesting and I enjoy his work! He's a regular guy, too, not just an ego.

Mr is happy, though. He's happy that I've come to a definite end. He found it very hard not to try to persuade me to come home, but rather to support me when I was traumatized and encourage me to keep working at it (as he knew I wanted him to do even though I felt hopeless at times).

I'm happy to go home. I'll enjoy the conference, the broadway show, the movie night (wed) and the party (feb 2), but beyond that ....I wish I could just go now! But I managed to make it and will continue to work here until the proper time. Maybe I can get my blood pressure back down again!

Happy

Have I used this picture yet?

I have definitely decided on going home. I know, I know. Some people will be disappointed in me, but I am the one that must live my life.

I can deal with my own misery (well, half-heartedly anyway) but worrying about S, my baby.....that gets tough. As long as she and Mr are doing well than I my angst is limited to self.

But if I am spreading angst around--that gets to me.

I feel that the time is too long. Even now that I've made a firm decision (I will have to keep the program from talking me out of it), I hate to wait until March.

I have to give 60 days notice and it costs me two months penalty. As if I haven't cost my family enough already! But this was a chance of a lifetime and worth every penny. To decline or to refuse to try would be the antithesis of life! We MUST try and we must move forward. I'm thankful that I have choices. I'm thankful that I had this opportunity.

But it does make me miserable to be away from home. And it is making S miserable too. She's there by herself so much! My mom is there, but she stays up in her rooms. And even when Mr is there---well, three introverts in the house do not make for much livelihood!

I am sad to see how simple I can be. To my church friends, I suppose I am complex and liberal and ambitious. To the people here, I am simple, conservative and mild. It is a whole different world. Sometimes I LOVE that--and other times it is uncomfortable--but I do love the stimulation of all these ideas floating around. AND getting to dispute them ....something I have not really done because I just was able to start thinking critically last week!

I have so many fun things coming up.

On Jan 10th the F forum gets together to watch "7up" or "49up" ...I watched "35up" which is a documentary about a group of seven year olds from 1958 or something. Maybe 1957. They are just a year older than my brother, I think.

A journalist chose them at age 7 from a range of social classes in London. He's gone back to film them every seven years. Great longitudinal stuff!

We'll watch it and then eat deli sandwiches and discuss.
Sometime else this month, we go to a broadway play and then out to dinner to discuss! Then on the 24-27th is the Personality and Social Psychology APA conference. WOO HOO! And I get to go as my advisors student---which is very prestigious.

Then on Feb 2nd, there is a party at his house for the whole department and spouses (or intimate consorts, he said).
Then I go home on Feb 7-11.
Then my family all comes here March 12 + for a few days for Spring Break. K will bring M, L will bring G and S will bring a girlfriend E. (we aren't bringing boyfriend E). Girls will be in one hotel room, boys in another. But Mr will take them around, plus they can go explore. We'll have two big guys with them all if Mr isn't there---and three if he is.
They should have fun.
I'll be finishing so I can't be sure what will happen.

Then I'll move out in March. (sniff sniff)
but I think it is the right thing to do. I do not feel I can sustain this length of time away from home no matter what. I don't want to live a single life here....I'm decidedly a family girl. But it has been fun and tormenting in a dramatic interesting way.
I am so past the worst,
but also.....I think the loneliness part is about to get bad....so I've been watching TV. Citizen Kane last night while Mr went to bed.

He arrived last night 3 and a half hours late due to plane trouble in Ireland. We took D to a nice Hotel in my suburb and we went to an elegant restaurant. Then home and Mr crashed right away. He hadn't really slept in a couple of days. He had gotten some sleep, but not nearly enough. It's more than 10 hours since we got home and he's still asleep.

I got him to unpack and I've washed all his clothes and hung them. I am not ironing because he might wait until he gets to Brazil (they leave today for Brazil) and I also don't do a good enough job for him anyway. He likes a military press or something. Very intense ironing. I just get the wrinkles out and make all the seams smooth.
I'll take them to Bob Chin's crab house and then to the airport. Mr is exhausted, I hope this long sleep does him good. He doesn't sleep well apart from me and I guess I don't really sleep well ANYWHERE! But I've learned a lot about myself. (and some of it is good)

How to be happy and well rather than sad and sick

Seven ways to predict how well you will age Researcher George Vaillant and his colleagues at Harvard University Health Services have found seven predictors, which are at least partly under personal control, and, if adhered to before age 50, can lead to good physical and mental health at ages 70, 80, and older. Some of them are old news, things like quitting smoking, exercising regularly, and not abusing alcohol. Others turn out to be surprises. For example, education trumps money and social prestige as a route to health and happiness. The other controllable predictors are marriage stability, weight, and coping mechanisms. Uncontrollable factors that affect successful aging include parents' social class, family cohesion, longevity of ancestors, and childhood temperament. However, by age 70, these factors are no longer important. High cholesterol before age 50 also loses importance after a 70th birthday.

Read full story (Harvard University Gazette, 6/7/2001)
Email this story to a friend

Born into Brothels

Wow. Just finished watching this. Very heavy. I didn't cry until the very last scene, but it is heart wrenching.

Having been to India, all the sights and sounds were familiar. The music was familiar. It is a complex culture (I suppose they all are at some level).

Definitely makes me want to go to India (but no, because the food is so distasteful to me---but I could afford to hire a cook) or China and open a school. I could do it. Like an orphanage, but more like a boarding school.

I checked on my lease today because I'd like to get home. My S baby is having stress symptoms and it is hard on me being away from her and with Mr in Dublin then going to Brazil....well...I hate it!

and I had the greatest day today. We had a meeting with the people that work with my advisor. A fellow came over from a nearby school. He was doing longitudinal work with a cohort from the Murray Center. The Harvard Study. The men are 60 now. and he went back and followed up with 41 in depth.

Then a certain number of us went to lunch together and had the most divine (well, maybe not the right word)....a very intellectual discussion. SO COOL! It is what I love.

and my homework was so cool. I was reading about qualitative research and the history of it across the last century. All the best words in there about subjective experience and lived history and phenomenology and epistemology and post-modern (I'm not always that big on post-modern--depends), existential (love that except for the godless part which I don't think has to be a defining concept within the term).

BUT

in order to get out of my lease, I will have 2 months rent as a penalty, must give 60 days notice and must pay back any reduction in rent they gave me (I may have had a small reduction).

So 2 months is $3000!!! Nah....won't be going anywhere soon. I guess I'll have to live out the lease. But it will end up with an extra 2 months charge ANYWAY because I won't be here over the summer.

I doubt that Mr will be feeling that generous especially since my whopper loans will all come due and who knows if I can find a job that I like with just a bachelors (but I could try working some reasonable job because I have a few skills).

I love this world here and I think if I had Mr here and my children, I would flourish. So I may go ahead and try for some lesser program close to home. We'll see. But I do hate to give up the academic environment! (I suppose I could go work as a secretary at a college---horrors! I hate that).

But the girls in the red light district. They need help.

max

my mom's sweet little kitty-catty.

since embryonic cells differentiate in new environments, why not study using chimpanzee embryonic stem cells? It would be less controversial and supposedly we are 99% like them. Yes, that one percent accounts for huge differences, but embryonic cells are great at presto-chango. I'd be willing to try it if it didn't include my brain.....say for a hand or a bone or skin.

Sweetie

Chinese Artists

Father and Son by Zhang Xiaogang

The market for Chinese art is soaring, according to NYT.

I think I'm going to check out NPR.
(checked---boring)

I'm downloading a podcast from Joyce Meyers ministries.
I used to enjoy her when she was still sorta raw. She was from a rough background and she was so real. Now she's gotten a bit ....I don't know.....she's more of a regular churchy preacher in the limelight now. Sort of like artists or musicians that have such edgy artsy stuff and then when they become famous...well they just don't have that angst edge that really gave them their flavor.

But hey, I rejoice that joyce is free and I want to see where she's at now and I am thankful she is always speaking to the women to come up higher, don't be bogged down. She's definitely part feminist. Pro-female. More on her if I ever end up listening.

Met a girl --Jennifer Trowbridge who is going to email me about guitars for people with pudgy hands. She's a music graduate who was at the copy store, like me, buying graduate course materials. We struck up a conversation.
Actually, I started talking to her on accident--more out of reflex. We headed into the store at the same time, but I had been there talking to Laura and trying to get her off the phone so I could go stand in line without yelling in everyone's ears. She headed in ahead of me, I was upset about it, she noticed and let me go ahead, and I said, "I've been standing there trying to get off the phone with my daughter and four people have already gotten in front of me!" So then she said, "and I almost got a ticket so I had to go put in another quarter." so I wanted to say, "My daughter just got a speeding ticket --but that would be dumb. But I think she saw that I was ABOUT to talk, and so she said something else. and she kept up the conversation from there (so nice to see chatty people are still in the world--Brenda and Laura and Christa are all I have--well Debbie, hooray! and Allison if I would ever remember to call her).

okay, no joyce meyers. the darn thing is STILL loading and I have to get back to reading. Maybe I'll figure out when she's on the radio. I have to use distractions that are stimulating but don't require READING!

Blessings.

The Walrus

Yes, I know. You've already SEEN the Walrus. But it is so cute that I had to put it up. ( I accidently typed "hate" instead of "had" ---do you suppose I secretly hate this photo? Nah...)

Today I got my first syllabus in my email inbox. I was pumped. I was ready. I was up for it.

Several hours later, I am only on the second article! and wading through slowly. It is a 1983 article on genotype affecting or causing a selection of environments which affects development. It takes plenty of dictionary.com and slow reading. Dang it.

But hey, I'm optimistic! I can do it! God is with me! and I'm now used to being slow and not so stellar. I don't want to lower my standards, but if I expect to get through---they gotta go down.

I have some FANTASTIC news! S is going to begin dating E!!! Hooray for E!!!

Now I have K/M, L/G, and S/E---I am ONE HAPPY MOMMY!!! I love this younguns. I definitely am welcoming these three children into my family. My quiver is full (biblical reference). I can't wait to see the man in N's future. I don't ever see her.....but I will in a couple of years. She turned 16 on Dec 20th.

I'm making a photo book for her family. I know her mother values photos very very much and of course she'll want to see her nephew and neices---so I'll send one when I get a chance. I was able to fill one with pictures today, but not titles to the photos. Her family does not get the emails from Kodak Gallery, so I send them in different ways.

Oh I could say so much more, but I won't. I'll get back to work. I'm trying to watch America's next top model marathon on VH1 through the slingbox which sends a signal from the TV in our Texas upstairs weight room TV. But something is interferring, so I can only listen. But it is a replay of a series I watched before, so I know the girl who is going to win. I know the last few girls. One of them (third place) is going to marry the middle brother of the Brady Bunch (we'll now she's married but when the show was filmed, she was no one and now she's still gotten a big contract and I see her in magazines even though she was third).

Blessings!

Proud of these little guys

okay, so they aren't little.

Happy New Year!

what a nice way to begin!
My older two children have some quality friendships and my youngest is preparing to graduate and hopefully, she'll head off to Baylor U.

Baylor is 41st in colleges in the nation. I read a ranking of my university is 14th. So I say we are all about fours and ones (usually we are about threes and ones as in God is three in one, but okay we're talking education not religion)

K and M went to a wedding in Spring. how cute is that....."Spring" as a city name? I love it. Very romantic.
Mr is being very very good and we're getting along quite well. Poor guy. I berate him all day, it seems. He got used to going without my direction and well, I'm quite liberal with suggestions. I DO try to be tolerant and patient. horrors.

I went to M's New Year's Party today! Hooray for parties! I love em. I got mr to go with me. God rewarded him. The football game was on. My professor came and they chatted sports. Horrors.
but I chatted with a pregnant mom with two boys already and a third on the way. She's due Thursday or she'll be induced. Her sister came to stay with her since she usually delivers in her 38th week, but here she is at 40 weeks and the sister had to return to work.
Horrors.

Yet in spite of all these horrors, there is only an abundance of rejoicing!

and I am back at school with a will to win and a determination to succeed and a prayer that my attitude will make it through a week or more!
I am going to watch TV and try to make phone calls.
I am going to ignore myself when I misplace, drop, lose, can't find, forget dates, come in late, etc.
Mr blows those things off, I get even MORE uptight.......its not gonna happen.
I am going to speak Southern and enjoy myself.
I am going to love and encourage others and stop thinking of the impression I am making.
I am going to let myself end sentences with prepositions when I want to.
I will still make sure I am careful when emailing colleagues (we all know how quick to type i can be!)
I will pray every morning and every night MYSELF VERBALLY ( I often skip the morning prayer or let Mr pray for us in the evening and count it as my prayer too)

Notice there isn't anything about health in there. No exercising or dieting---however, I will be flossing and rinsing with listerine. I will love myself fat and see if that helps. The most important thing is stress relief and so I don't want to get so uptight about what I eat and if I'm exercising.

and I'm really so happy right now.

and I bought some art at the Armadillo bazaar and I'm so happy with it. I have some art on art.com in the cart along with a couple of books at Amazon and a trip home on expedia. I hope to buy all of that later.

I missed seeing two friends and I plan to try to see them sometime later.

But I loved the parties of the season! It made me feel GREAT! and normal. and happy. and loved.

so I'm trying to plan my travel for the year. and I'm rejoicing in all the GREAT things that have happened in my family!
We had such a rough time last Valentine's but oh how far we've all come. How hard we've all worked and how thoroughly we have loved.

Blessings to all.....