era not error

ha ha

I was reading my own post from the other day.

I wrote "In an error of PC and AA"

and I meant, "In an era of politically correct speech requirements and in consideration of all the people who are recovering alcoholics"

when discussing the lady at the M's party who insisted I try some wine.

(yes, when I write little stubby sentences, even in error, there are many more complex thoughts behind it that I've neglected to expand suitably. That, my friend, is a sign of a poor writer. Alas! Woe is me.)

or maybe NOT woe

Sir Dark Fin

K has become Sir Dark Fin.

turns out M has a fish named Sir Dark Fin.

K wore his Dad's new Christmas armor to become such as the fish (only kinda bigger and stronger and breathing air while standing on two feet and without fins---you know, JUST ALIKE)

Really, though, this is Mr's present which he really wanted. We weren't getting each other gifts, but he looked this up on the internet for the 27th time and found it was on SALE---which of course meant that he requested me to purchase it for him.

It was a bit tight on Mr but looked good. He was amazed at the weight of it. K came over and wanted to try it on. Now we will have to have a costume party! I have wanted to have a New Years costume party---doesn't that sound fun!
There is no way I can do it this year since I will be driving north.

I'm finishing my paper right now. Taking a break (so what else is new?). I only have to finish all the citation, but I LOATHE that part and I made it particularly difficult on myself by just sort of randomly discussing things without considering where I got them---now I must comb through stuff and figure that out.
Also, I looked up a lot of government info online, like the WIC program (supplemental food for low-income women, infants and children) and Medicaid. I copied some charts from another paper and I think I should cite them although I was just sort of copying their idea and writing in my own stuff, but you aren't supposed to use others' ideas without giving them credit. X told me that in China, you don't have to cite anything, you can just write it. That's great for writing papers, but then again, I suppose that is why Americans worry about their intellectual information. (we are so proprietal---is that even a word?)

Had fun playing scattergoris. Did I mention that already? Because I had to look up lists of trees, sports teams, and I've tried to pay attention to names of celebrities (which I usually ignore. I know Brad, Angelina, Tom, Nicole, Brittany, I can't even think of the guy from Saturday Night ...wait! I can't even think of the name of that 70s disco movie! Horrors!)

I like book titles.....Clan of Cave Bear, Dune, Emma, Three Muskateers, Count of Monte Cristo, Hamlet, Sense and Sensibility, Eleanor of Aquitaine, Desiring God, Holy Bible, Systematic Theology, Tale of Two Cities, Wuthering Heights,

I also went to the baby food aisle and looked at the product name. Go try this sometime. Things have sure changed! I was shocked! There are quite a few additions to the old pear, green beans, applesauce regimens.

Back to work. Oh bother.

barely blogging

I am not sure what I want to say on here, only that I know I haven't been writing. There is so much to do at home. It seems odd to think I actually STARTED this when I was here. It was maybe this time last year, because I remember the new years pics of "first night" downtown---what a great event and one I will have to miss.

what have I learned?
a ton.

--don't leave homework unfinished. (that paper is haunting me....I must begin work on it)
---hubby does not talk. didn't I know this already? he's an introvert. he's trying.
--I THOUGHT I was busy up there, but I was not. THIS is busy.
---my children really DO take up so much time, but I enjoy it.
--the reason I cannot get more done up there is that there is not the variety of experiences throughout the day. the effort to complete schoolwork just drones on and on whereas here there are a multitude of directions to take each day and it is easier to cycle through one and then another.
--I have to start watching TV, terrible but true. I'll need a way to change directions and control my thoughts---escapism might work.
--my eyes need the new prescription glasses because I lose my visual acuity throughout the day when taxed.
---I seem to avoid exercising although I love to be active.
--It is good to see friends and it is very hard work. I've seen them all except CH, whom I hope to see next week, but I've got to email her. Everyone else contacted me except JP, who came home from Seattle and so I went over to greet her the next day.
---I do not like wine. Wine was at the parties everywhere this year and so I just went without. At a party last night, one woman I did not know insisted that I try this certain one (I've forgotten the name). She swears it does not cause a headache and that she can drink two bottles without feeling the effects.(oh my)..that it is not dry and does not suck up all the moisture out of your body. I explained that I usually held a glass of wine when I was with insistent Italian Catholics who were unable to understand why I might not want to drink wine and with people like her. (I thought that might dissuade her from the pressure tactics, but alas, it did not). I tried the wine, it tasted fine --rather like juice---and put it back down and smiled. She relented but thought somehow that she had convinced me and had done a great thing. That was a bit humorous. I would think in an error of PC and with all the AA members walking around that people would allow others to go without, but as for ages, people cannot stand when you do not participate in whatever it is that THEY might be doing.
--I'm not as philosophical as I'd like to be, but I am rather lazy and whiney.
---I'm always tired. I worry about my health. I am very moody. I'm very demanding. I like to be waited on---like crazy! I get that from my mom, for sure. My children will undoubtedly follow in these horrible footsteps.
--I love my children's new dates. G for L and M for K. Not too pleased with S's, but I see E around her as a friend and I'm always hopeful for him. He has a good family, good grades, football star, good-looking and well-mannered. I'm always on the lookout for the family's future gene pool (good thing my children do not read my blog).
---I am exonerated socially. I recently read an article in Newsweek that blogs were not just for public consumption but also good for the writers if no one reads them but the author. Hooray! and my readers are exonerated because they no longer must slavishly conform to my wish to share. :-)

I read my 2nd neice's blog---my dad has read it with some concern--it is so speedy! I mean she zooms through thoughts. I find it interesting psychologically. Hers is the most elaborate blog I've ever seen. She spends significant amounts of time explaining her life and she's very excited and happy and speedy and extroverted. Makes me look like a slug. And so much current lingo. I'd like to really spend some time going through it. She's about to have a baby.

My other 2nd neice, on hubby's side, former daughter, just turned 16. I'm wondering if she has gotten the car that supposedly she is going to get. But I rarely get the news on that. I was so thankful to get a beautiful Christmas card send to my daughters with a picture of the two 2nd neices! Gorgeous!
When I get back up north, I'll scan it and put it on kodakgallery.

which reminds me to put the only pictures I have, from my L, onto kodakgallery to send out. At least there are a few!!! I need to get a new battery charger for my camera battery, which is dead.

Merry Christmas. Perhaps I'll find the time to truly focus on the Lord and the meaning of the coming of the Christ child---but I'm thankful because I gain strength to continue through His Life.

Grades

I got my grades back. I made a B+ in my proseminar and a B- in my stats. Can you believe it? B- is actually a great grade. I'm stunned.

I really could have done better in these classes. I'm working on strategies now that I know what I am up against. I'm going to finish that paper and get my B in whatever range he chooses. And then I shall begin agagin!

howdy

Feeling better.
had a fever on Monday (wondered why I was so sluggish, blamed my lazy self but was exonerated)
had an intense headache on Tuesday but was waning by 7pm and gone by 8pm when we were at Handels Messiah by the Austin Symphony Orchestra at The Riverbend Center.

Did not wake up today until 10am! now that is a bit freaky, but I DO feel better. Here I am three hours later blogging, but not accomplishing much.
well, I paid my northern electric bill, paid my credit card bill, checked on my texas bills, filled out the Baylor college application for the youngest---just to see if she'll get accepted. She could live with her sister (sis won't like it though).

Number one son is doing well with his new friend M. They spent the day together. They came over here, Son looked stunning in his new suit and very relaxed and happy. She looked beautiful, of course. He met her parents and the mom talked about grandbabies! (Even we don't do that!) But son went right along very amicably and impressed the girl by talking with the mother so long and so well and really paying attention. Sounds like they did the typical quizzing that we do---what do you want to do? Tell us about your family. Etc. K is very very happy and hopes this lasts for a very long time.

Here is an interesting story for you.

When I was here last (the time I got the girls a manicure), I was at the local Chinese Buffet with Hubby, Mom, and youngest. There I saw M's mom. I said, "HEY!" and we talked about 20 minutes. I told her to put in a good word for my son because I really liked her daughter and K thought she was pretty and since they are a good family, I think it would be a good match.

Well, that might have seemed a little forward, but I know that parents actually have a lot of influence with their children---so you never know.

Turns out M was no longer with her previous boyfriend. On our trip back from the North, we stopped to see our daughter and eat with her. K wanted to come. We told him to turn back because he had left too late and we would soon be on our way. M goes to school rather near where our daughter does, so he stopped and called her and she said, "Come over!" and he did.
He returned the next day.
(they stayed up all night talking happily within a group)

Evidently, the mother HAD encouraged the daughter and now my K had called. Turned out they have much in common and had a great time. They thought K was OLD like 28, but he is only 22. K thought M was older than him, but she is only 19. Age-wise, that is a good match, about three years apart---22 and 19.

K has his job at the big company lined up. He HAS to look like a great prospect. She is a very talkative intelligent pretty Christian, just what we say he precisely needs. He talks more than his Dad, so that should be okay. He's just got to remember that he MUST be sure to talk throughout his lifetime. At NO time is it okay not to talk in a relationship, particularly with a talkative girl. I find this to be a tremendous problem with Mr that just wears me out sometimes. He thinks Hmphf works as an answer. Or similarly, "Oh" or "Hmmmn."

But big talkers don't go too well with other big talkers, I mean, SOMEONE needs to listen.....so I suppose you must manage with a low-level talker and find some girlfriends to keep things lively!
Mr talks very well when we go out to eat, yes it does strain the budget, but when he does anything else, he tends to zone out. So we go out to eat alone frequently----not easy, though, when I am far away, but he does pretty good on the phone most of the time.

L is sad to be up at school working while her friends have gone home. She wants to quit. i'm taking mom to visit her tomorrow. Maybe we'll do it more often.

Merry Christmas! May God be praised!

Home again home again jiggity jig

Okay, so I wasn't at the market to buy a fat pig.

Instead, I was at CVS, able to pick up my prescriptions---something that had me worried about the back and forth nature of my existence.

OK again.
so I want to see all my friends.
I am too tired to try.
But I want to see all my friends.
but I wish I could see them in party groups, more at a time. less time consuming.

I want to have a dinner party for some couple friends from our other church.
it would be so nice to have a dinner party like with CH, BM (he he), CG, and TL. But TL has not really been available. So then CH, BM, and CG.

But I am planning to try JP, DG, and AH. Mr P was not available last year and we hope to try again.

I'm thinking of the Arkansas Conundrum.
I'm thinking success and fame to you bud!

I'm missing out-of-town friends, CT, AN, AL.
My Chinese friends, JXF, XL, J-----oh my goodness, I forgot that last name! (I'll remember it when I work on christmas cards)

and friends from school! L, R, A, and professors (last name) C, H, M and S.

and I miss my best neighbors who have moved out! C and S! Pastors! Gone on to further ministries.

I'm reading the Three Muskateers.
I shouldn't.
I should have read the books that Debbie suggested.....but Mr suggested it as he just finished it recently (well, recently he finished Ivanhoe) and I know I have 1,000 things to do---but they are piling up and overwhelming me....so I am running away to France (by reading).

I have to send in my defensive driving, my driving record (which shows I got no tickets at all and then one in 2003, 2004, 2005, and now 2006!---thankful to Jesus that it is not more than once a year! but dang, I better slow down because that is so expensive!), my proof of insurance to a place in Texas so they'll let me off the rest of the hook(I've already paid a pretty sum and then the defensive driving course costs a little bundle and the speedy postage did too!).
So I guess my Christmas present was the costly speeding I did on the way to help my mom move out of her house and come down here. Oh well, good cause.

Have to tell my youngest that she cannot go to the coast for spring break. Evidently, she's even been in on the planning session with the other girls and their MOTHERS. Ran into one mother on a walk today and she questioned me about it, I said, "NO WAY! I am not and was never and will not allow her to go!" I realize she will be so upset and I hate that, but I love her enough to say no. (she's going to make me pay dearly, I am sure).
and she wants to get a hotel room overnight with her friends for prom 9how dumb do they think I am? and who are the weird parents that allow this?---NOT ME).
No, she will have to come home at 2am like her sister.
It is midnight for the 11th grade and 2am for the 12th grade---so be it.

but I am planning on bringing her to the North for spring break along with her brother, sister and father. Maybe a friend, maybe L's boyfriend. We'll see. I'll be a maniac in finals, but Mr can tote them around. DT (or BD) will be acting in a play, so we can go see that!

Tallyho, I"m off.
:-)

Blog updated

adorable cookies S made when I was here before at Thanksgiving. Aren't they adorable?Her friend K made the Jesus bear. She knew I'd love it and she was right.

Does anything look different? The dashboard to my blog is slightly changed. I had to create a google account, but I'm not sure what it got me!

I'm home. It is odd. Several things just aren't what I'd like them to be......I come home and my things are all moved. Mr took over my dresser drawer and medicine cabinet and parking space. I have no personal room in the house (but decided that I'd count the rooms I've given my mother as my own).

This is going to be difficult.

My youngest says (when I won't give her money because I gave her some the day before and she hasn't done anything to earn any)...."When you were gone I was happy."

Not a very good thing to say.....not that it is not legitimate to think, but to imply that I make her miserable and when I wasn't here ---she was always happy----well, we all know better, don't we?

But it is good for me to see it, because I think some of the same rotten stuff myself.....and it is not right. I come home and I feel like my stuff is in the way when Mr puts it all in the closet....but I remember thinking when he was coming, "Oh, he's going to make a mess everywhere!" and I had to stop myself because HEY! I WANT him to make a mess, I want him to be around. But I've got to remember those thoughts exist. So making them explicit is in bad taste, but they are hanging there in the mind, so it is not the end of the world if they come out.

and somehow, I thought he talked more. When he's on the phone, he talks enough. So maybe I should go outside and call in...(he he).

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. Robert Anderson

We are going out tonight and I hope it goes well. I am sad because just the weight of things makes me moody---not that anything is really bad. I'm telling myself---"See? You are just a moody complainer, so go back to school and try again." OK, I will.

He says I do use bigger words. I love the vocab of my friends up there. Sure there are GRE words floating around when there is a presentation (and I actually know the definition of one or two), but we actually use long words when chatting. I still am enamoured with how fast they talk, so that when a conversation is really going, you stay so alert because you might not catch it all. Very stimulating.

Took my mom to the Armadillo Bazaar in Austin. Each year I enjoy going and THIS YEAR I FINALLY BOUGHT SOME ART! I only bought a print, but I love the work of Chris Long, Jay Long and Deborah Dupont. I bought a Chris Long print for $100. No, I cannot afford it, but I can't afford not to. Deborah's work evolved to a point where I am not as fond of it, so I want to get the ones I really like while they are available. I thought that one of Jay's works, called "Literature" was gone. I passed it up last year and then this year it was not on the website. But after I bought one from Chris Long (more in a minute), I saw that Jay Long DID have the literature one. Well, I can't afford to buy another one, so I may contact him to make sure it is available later. Maybe in the Spring. It would go well in my bedroom in Texas, it is very muted. Even in my family room where I currently have a historical texas map and S's v-ball tournament medals in a shadow box (and several hanging off the corners of the box).

The one I bought is a brightly colored Austin, Live Music Capital of the World with the capital building in the background, 6th street and musicians in the foreground with news text visible through the colors. He also showed me where the congressional bill that named Austin in 1991 is there, as well as the alternative arts paper, The Austin Chronicle and some of the Statesmen headlines like, "Rumsfield Walks Out" and more. It will be a wonderful reminder when I live through the february winds on my daily jaunts. WAIT! Good news. I only have class two days a week next semester! That means more time home (if I can afford flights) or else tons of solitary (ouch). All in all, I think it will be great. And I'll be able to get more done by not having to spend time gearing up to walk up there each day.

I decorated the tree! It's almost done. I ran out of hooks. Mr and I put it together last night. The youngest is so not a worker, so we weren't going to hassle her to try and make some memories. He got the lights on, so I put the rest up. We've got ribbon for garland and then crosses and Texas Stars. Next is silver and gold frosted large globes (balls) and lastly is the adorable felt characters I bought at the London Tower on our trip to England. (man, that was too cool!). I haven't gotten them up. I need to get more hooks.

Then we searched and searched for my address book so I could prepare cards. Bought the cards. Bought the stamps. Bought a nice gold pen. Figure I'll use the picture of all of us from Thanksgiving to send everywhere---need to get those from Kodak Gallery. I was afraid I was only going to send them as I received them---and you never know. Someone might not do it this year, then I couldn't send them one, then they think they are off my list--OUCH! It is so hard when you pare the list down. I suppose it is a fact of life.

I knew this one friend (not a dear, close friend---more like someone I knew--or a friend of a friend) and she sent out maybe 250 or more Christmas Cards. That seemed excessive to me, but it must have been a joy to her. I don't think I've ever even met that many people. And while I think I may have nearly liked that many---I can't get that many to like me, so I save on stamps.

:-)

Seriously, though, it IS hard to stay in touch with people you like! It is so hard to get together with people you do not naturally come across! So I hate when classes end, we change churches, we move, people move away, etc. But it is the ebb and flow of life. We are such a mobile society.

I worry I'll lose all my friends in the next five years due to busyness. (sniff sniff)

GEESHK, am I being too morose here?

I didn't think I was in a bad mood, really, but when I look at what I am writing....hmph.

I think I'll lay down and take a bit of a little nappy (a nap) so I can liven up a bit!

This is Christmas and I worship the Lord, I am thankful that Emmanuel, God With Us, has come to unite us with Him forever.

Rejoice!

Contentment

Okay, much happier. I'm at home.

The drive was long...about 10 hours the first day and then 9 hours the next day, but we stopped to look at my mom's house, our old church, the restaurant where Mr worked for something like 7 years. We stopped to see our middle child for dinner---she took a thirty minute break to come eat with some tex-mex with us--yum.
Our first born was trying to drive up to meet us, but he didn't get out of town in time. So we told him to turn back around because we were soon to leave the restaurant. He ended up stopping midway and visited a girl from our old church who goes to a college about an hour from home. They had dinner and a movie. I haven't talked to him yet, but he probably thought that was more fun than seeing his ole mum.
But I came home and watched "Iron Chefs" with my youngest and some plastic surgery show after unpacking. Took a walk. Went to bed. I'm still not ready for the day and it is 11 am. Nice slow pace. I've got a lot to do and if I were really up on things, I would sure love to meet my friends for lunch and prayer, but I am too lazy to call at this point.

I still haven't finished the quarter (we don't have semesters up there, we have quarters, only 10 rushed weeks to finish an incredible amount of work) because I turned in a final paper unfinished. I never would have thought I'd do such a thing, but there you go---I did!

I really really tried to quit my last week and Mr would hear none of it. I accused him of callousness and so he relented. But now that I am out, yep, I am okay with going back. I really think that the next semester will be more fun. My classes will be Field Methods, Social Bio something and Child Development.

Field Methods is where we go somewhere----this particular professor has an education focus, so say a 1st grade class, a community college, high school class, or it could be a bar (I wouldn't do a bar, but some classmates wanted to), a church (more my style), or a playground. You have to observe everything for two hours as a participant observer meaning you are engaged with the other people doing the same things or something (so how could you do that in a 1st grade class??) and then you write copious notes on and on for about four hours a week. Then you write an official report. All of that should be fun and interesting. I observed my friends children one day, four of them and it DID take hours and hours to write up the notes! I video taped them, which helped. But it was a final project that took a few weeks, not just something I did every week for 10 weeks, but that is how graduate school is.

I really thought that the classes would only be about twice as hard. And while I cannot give a sort of measure, sometimes they are about that and sometimes it is worse! Then every now and then there is some light week. But I don't think I ever actually completed every single thing I was supposed to do in a week EVER. In the 10 weeks, I was always short----whereas normally, I am ahead. I learned a lot about myself---all bad stuff.

I suppose the hardship builds character. We'll see! I think I have humiliated myself. I whined nearly the whole time.
but supposedly, all the other graduate students have a similar story. They all cried in their first semester.
I don't think my cohort all cried. M might have cried, I don't think L cried and I don't think D cried. I can't see C crying, she was always composed. and the guy was always fairly even keel. He doesn't likely cry ever. (can't be sure about that sort of thing, but I know my guy just never cries! quite unlike me....)

I only officially cried maybe three or four times. Two big ones and then some snivelling at the end. Now I can laugh about it. I'm so dramatic.

I think I'll take a nap. AFTER I call the people about my speeding ticket in August when I went to help move my mom. I was supposed to complete the drivers education course before December fourth and well, today is the 7th.
I'll go call them now.
Blessings! It is warming up to be a Merry Christmas! I love the warmth here and I enjoyed the cold there. It was so complex and new!

22 degrees Feels like 11

Today has a high of 32 and a low of 13. If it is 22 and feels like 11, what does it feel like at 13? The sun is out so maybe it won't be too bad, but I am so sure the glare will be horrendous. I have my ski goggles and they are polarized, so I may wear them on the way to the airport, won't that look ridiculous!?!

I seriously cannot sleep. I was awake every single hour, although MAYBE I slept through the 3am hour---so I am pretending that at a minimum, I DID sleep from 3 am to 4am. But it was awful. I cannot get comfortable. I cannot breathe. My dreams are scary. My legs are very very restless.

I thought I went to bed calm. It shouldn't have been so bad! I don't know what to do for it. I read an article by a professor here as I went to sleep. It was a good one, so it was enjoyable reading. I was pleased that Mr would be coming today. I guess it is the paper and two exams still just making me crazy. I am very afraid of the stats exam. It is 15 questions and I can't discern which method I should use for each one, although I am supposed to know.

We get a word problem and some of the clues. Those tell you which method to use. But I'm not clear on the various formulas. Often, even when I have it right, I will think it is wrong because the number looks weird. Too high or too low. But in class we have some examples that end up that way, so I try to trust myself. Anyway, I must be diligent to do it and then just trust that everything will turn out as it should. I definitely have serious problems concentrating and applying myself to my work. I'm sure if I could sleep well, I would have fewer difficulties.

It is 9 am and Mr flies in about noon. He will likely be in line on the ground. I was waiting on the ground on my return flight here. It took maybe 15 minutes to get to the gate. Maybe more. It is so hard to wait when you are already on the ground.

A news report said something like 2500 flights were canceled on Thursday/Friday and some huge proportion of them were in or out of my airport. The snow was so beautiful and I would have enjoyed it immensely, except that I had just learned that Mr's flight was delayed AGAIN and so I trudged through the snow to school.

It was fun. My boots ARE waterproof. The snow was slush in many places. My coat is more than adaquate. There were high winds blowing and I still had to unzip my coat because I got so hot. I didn' t need my face mask or goggles or even gloves! Boots and coat were enough. I didn't see any snowmen. I hope there are some snowmen out there! I had my hood covering most of my face and I kept my head down staring at the ground 5 feet in front of me. When I stopped to look straight ahead, the trees were so beautiful, reminding me of that tree in Lord of the Rings---all white. The campus was gorgeous. The pond and lake looked so nice (view from a third floor window), I read that the lake was 47 degrees? maybe 57---and so it was keeping my area from the worst of the cold. (poor little duckies, though)

Oh, I need to lay down AGAIN! and I am having a piercing pain in my head. GOSH I cannot wait until MR is here! I sure do like that fella.

BURRRRR

Weather says 28 degrees feels like 16. and in the morning....it will feel like 12 degrees. So it will be cool (very cool, a bit o pun) to experience this. What if I fall down on the ice? I wonder what I should wear?
I will be sure to shower early in the morning so when I go to school at 11am, I won't have any wet hair.

I went to the garage tonight to get my cell phone out of my car---and my ankles were exposed--and they got a little chill---and the garage is HEATED! That was weird.

I just looked out my window and we've got maybe 1/2 to 1 inch on the cars and the plant beds. There isn't any yet on the sidewalks, they are all wet.

The wind is going to gust at 30 mph even up to 40 mph. I am not sure what that feels like. I may have experienced it, but seems like 20-25 is the usual bad ones I'm familiar with.

Not able to do my stats. Thinking I'll try to finish out this year and then take a year off. Even if the schoolwork goes well, I sure miss my honey. This is far too long!

Off to bed and hopefully, peaceful slumber. I am not sleeping good at all. and eating way way too much ---which is not common for me at all. I may eat poorly, but I don't usually eat frequently---but currently, I feel starved inside and out. So my mouth wants to munch and my stomach wants to be FULL and neither one is ever satisfied. I know it is an emotional thing. So I'm blaming my parents for their DNA they passed along and that way I don't feel so bad. (real productive, right?! NOT).

But everything is going to be alright.

Snow ---pic is just one from google images

Here is the weather report......WINTER STORM WARNING IN EFFECT FROM MIDNIGHT TONIGHT TO 12 PM CST FRIDAY
Tonight...Cloudy with snow developing in the evening. Snow May be heavy at Times after midnight. Snow accumulation of 4 to 6 inches. Windy. Temperatures nearly steady in the lower 30s. Northeast winds 20 to 30 mph. Gusts up to 35 mph. Chance of precipitation 100 percent.

Friday...Snow in the morning...Then a chance of light snow in the afternoon with areas of blowing snow. Snow May be heavy at Times in the morning. Snow accumulation of 4 to 6 inches. Total snow accumulation 8 to 12 inches. Windy. Highs in the lower 30s. Northwest winds 20 to 30 mph. Gusts up to 40 mph. Chance of precipitation 100 percent.

THE WORST THING IS THAT MY HUSBAND'S FLIGHT WAS CANCELLED!!! and so I am spending tonight alone when I thought my honey would be here. I was at the grocery store and locked my keys in my trunk. I called the police and while I waited for one to come, I learned that the flight was cancelled. It is a good thing I was in public and about to have to interact with the police or I would have had a major drama cry moment right there. As it was, I started crying anyway. Just WHAM, the tears flooding out. But I got control of myself. ....yet I feel as though I've been holding myself together just waiting for him to come.....and then to find out he WASN'T coming!?!?!
But I'm okay now. My baby S needs him there anyway because she is sick. He took her to the doctor today and then by the grocery store so she'd have good food to eat while he was gone. At least he'll be there to check on her tomorrow and see if her fever is down.

I guess I'll work on econ and stats. oh fun.

ok, so I'm not a youth, but isn't this sufficiently dark?

Depressed again

Weird. I was feeling okay yesterday. Last night I could not sleep. Wanted to go home.

I only have this tiny bit of time left ....just this one week! But it is too much.....I so want to go home.

I keep trying to figure out ways to make it hard to leave. I've brought a bunch of stuff up to my office--so it would be difficult to unpack, etc.

and the McNair program is always haunting me. I want to succeed for all the McNair students. We count on each other succeeding. They've invested in me. I don't want to let them down.

I was so sure this was what I wanted---and I still KNOW it is what I want---just unsure if I should keep plugging on. What price is worth it? and is this the flu shot talking? Did the flu shot make my mood pit?

I keep hearing all these weird sounds, like the train is running by over and over. That cannot be. The train runs by at intervals. Maybe I am hearing the cars go by because the condition of the air makes the sound convey or amplify or something. Maybe I'm crazy (with hispanic accent, like on Happy Feet---CRAY see).

I don't want to give the presentation today or tomorrow. I actually don't want to do any of the things I need to do---but I am sure I will.
I wish I could just go home---that I didn't have a lease! The lease is very serious and expensive and I cannot afford to go home unless I can get out of it. So it is a sort of anchor here.

but with my blood pressure (which I'll take to be sure it is okay!) and with my weight and I'm such a baby......
well, I'll just keep going and hope this stops.

but I want to end after one year. If I can even make it that long! My advisor teaches a personality class in the spring session (which is 10 weeks in April, May, and June because we're on the quarter system). I don't want to miss that.

I know, I know. Everyone will be disappointed in me. But I am the one who must live my life and I must make the choices. Mr is worried I'll be all depressed---which is true since this is what I wanted to do ---and the only thing I've wanted more is to be a missionary in China--which hasn't gotten far. But I'm not dead yet, so there is still time.

and I'm more of a generalist than a specialist---but I was hoping the PhD would change that! It is such hard work and so much pressure and so many things they expect and I am ready to be done already.

but you know, I'll probably be aching to get back after Christmas (I hope so). Because I do love it here. I love the people and I love the talks all the time and I love the weather! and I love my little apartment. I haven't gotten enough chance to explore here.

and I don't know why God won't just keep writing in the sky daily for me. Cloud speak would be nice. I suppose I should spend more time in prayer so I could actually hear Him. I know He is speaking and I know He'll get through to me one way or the other.
So in faith, I'll put one foot in front of the other and be faithful to do my work.

Not sleeping well sure does not help one's mental outlook! I need some sleep!

FLU SHOT!!

I GOT MINE!!!

I went and got a flu shot at the grocery store. $28 yikes! But I am on the plane all the time and here with all these different people coming from different places and Mr flying around the world and such. I suppose it is better to be covered.

It is my first year to get it. I've never had the flu. I hear it is horrid, though, so I'd rather not risk it. I'll get it for how ever many years I spend here. Then we'll see.

I've had so many shots in the last couple years, geesh.
I got the MMR recently for school. That was a live virus and OH it stung. OUCHIE.


On another note, I realized that when I walk, I do not push off enough. I spend energy on the bounce UP, but do not propel myself forward, instead...I sort of switch legs. I'm going to work on that. More PUSH when I am switching to the other foot, so that instead of bouncing up, I will PUSH forward and extend the length of my gait.

Around here, people walk so FAST (and they talk fast too, but I like that one).
Today, a small man, shorter than me, whizzed past me when I was going as fast as I can. Not that this is unusual. When I am walking to school, even at my fastest pace, inevitably someone passes me. I'm used to it. I couldn't figure out exactly what they might be doing, but now I think it is that push. I'll letcha know.

Today I was worried about my feet. At REI (while home), I bought some silk liners and (today) wore double layers of socks to reduce friction like hikers. My feet are soft when I get here because I have that nice whirlpool bath at home. Often I don't even use that whirlpool feature at all, but it is an awesome soaking tub. Well, that gets all the dead skin off the ole heels, but I NEED that tough skin up here. So.....

I promised myself I'd wear my ecco comfort shoes for the next four days and wear the silk liners with another pair of socks over them to give my feet a chance to toughen up. It worked today anyway---NO blisters today. The last two times I went back home, I returned here and suffered (which is fine) but I am getting wiser.

I also am much more comfortable and at ease, in general. I knew my way around the airport this time and understood where I was parked and how to get there. I had my mental map working, just like at home. Makes life much easier. I was more calm today in my econ class too. I did econ reading on the plane trip home (yes, while on dramamine, but better than nothing) and I just sat and absorbed all I could in class.
I was late getting there because I just resist going. But I went. One foot in front of the other, one at a time. I went. and time passed and I was OUT! Now I just have one more week until the final exam. I have to write a 10 page paper analyzing a program from an economist's view. But in one week, that will all be over. On Tuesday, I take the exam at 9am and I am done.

Before that, I have to give a presentation tomorrow. I've already turned in the paper and powerpoint and tonight I'll finish practicing. Then Wednesday I think there is a discussion for Stats, then I'll do another presentation (my Chinese research) for a cultural workgroup, then Wednesday PM classmates are doing an econ study session. Thursday I study with a 3rd year grad for econ and then pick Mr up at the airport in the evening. Then Friday is a econ session with the professor and the class. I'll spend the weekend writing the paper. Then turn in the stats LONG LONG final take home exam on Monday along with my econ analysis paper. Then Tuesday I take that econ final and I AM HEADED HOME!!!!!

Very excited.
I loved going home for Thanksgiving. It was great.
The weather was so great! It was about 75 degrees in the day and 50 at night. We had the windows open. Sunny every day. Crazy.

I took my girls shopping (they love that) and I went with Mom and her friends (em and ol) to the thanksgiving parade (oh that was so cute! I'll add some pics on here ---they are on my baby S's computer at home and I've got to load them up on Kodak to get them).

My kitty did great while I was gone. Litter was decent and there was still plenty of food and water. She was happy to see me. Purr purr purr and meow.

Oh, I've got to go do work. Horrors. It can be very fun up here, but really, it is so hard without mr. I love him and miss him and he's just good to have around. We drive each other crazy but we wouldn't have it any other way. We're pretty used to each others idiosyncrasies.

Ta-ta, that's all for now, darling! Love to all!
(and I sure loved my baby's S's fantastic decorated sugar cookies! Yum!)

forgot to tell you!

I bought some serious gear! I got a ski mask for kids at REI so it only cost about 10 dollars on sale==also bought some hiking socks...well, sock liners. To keep feet from getting blisters. I've come home and taken a bath in my fab tub and it makes my feet so soft that I go back and get rubbed raw each time---but I don't care! I can take it! I'm learning to put up with them. --and finding ways to make it not so bad.
So the socks will help. Double layers. and when I go home this time, the whole first four days will be the SAME pair of shoes (black ecco's that are great and comfy).

Seems like there was something else, but I've forgotten already!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Ok. Spent the day with these guys. and my mom!

The weather here? Perfect. We slept with the windows open. Very California. 50 degrees at night and 75-80 in the day. Ahhh. Lots of sun. But actually, we get a lot of sun up North, too.

I came home Tuesday night. I was so tired! I barely made it to the airport in time. That afternoon, I was fatigued and asked mr to call me in one hour so I had time to nap and then get ready for the airport. He was so busy at work, that he forgot to call me! Which is my own fault, I should have set an alarm clock, but I was glad it happened that way. On the hectic frantic way to the airport, I was stuck on the tollway going 1 mph. I was so frustrated just sitting there and looking at the cars and trucks creeping along that praying wasn't much consolation. Mr said "Just park in the expensive lot, then" Good idea because even parking in that darned expensive lot (again---this time for five days!), I just barely made it to my gate 2 minutes before boarding. I hadn't even caught my breath yet (I was doing the O.J. through the airport). I even had to stop and buy water to take my dramamine. I had not brought any to the airport because they just take it away ----but then I didn't take the medicine in time. We ended up being delayed on the runway as we waited for the other planes, and so by the time we headed up into the air--I was covered! Hooray! Because it is a rough and sickening flight when I haven't taken dramamine, it has worn off or if it has not taken effect yet.

Ok ok. That's boring. and maybe you haven't been to the blog lately! I am so boring, I know! How to think of something interesting!?!? Constant dilemma. You know, it is ALL interesting to me!

Did I mention I went to dinner at my professor's house? His post-doc came with his family. Wife and two children ages 8 and 2. Oh they were so cute and fun. and she had another on the way. Did I mention the cello? Professor's wife, who is a federal judge, plays the cello. Or is learning anyway. I told Mr and he said, "I WANT A CELLO!" in a loud whiney voice (I loved it!) Yes, I agreed. We NEED a cello. Really! They are too cool!
but they had football on and the TV going at one point. HORRORS! It is everywhere.

I'm pretty sure I wrote about that, so scroll through.

L came with her new man of 2+ months and they are very close. It looks long term to me. You never know. But L was so picky and wouldn't go out with anyone for 6 months after she lost B, so ......she would only consider the best. And she wrote out a list and told God she wouldn't date again unless he fit a list .....because the last one fit a list I had her create when I told her to be careful who she dates at this age because she may want to marry him! Better choose wisely!
She upped the standards after she lost B and this fellow fits the list.

K is still working at the store while he waits to hear about the big job. The big job was supposed to come NOW. So it is getting scary. The rec is supposed to open now and so we hope he gets a call soon.

I'm supposed to do my economics, but it is soooooo hard to look at. It is so nice here, everythign familiar. Hooray! and my family (even when they drive me crazy, they are so cute!) and so much yuckiness---dog peed on the couch and my bed. Cat peed on the bathroom rug. I got a new rug--but the couch? We washed the cushions and the covers. He is SO LUCKY WE LIKE ANIMALS BECAUSE I WANT TO SHOOT HIM, but I restrain myself, of course. and he is so cute. and my kids would hate me, but you know, sometimes we have these terrible impulses.
(forgive us!)

I miss my friends but it is too complicated to see them in such a brief time. But over the holdiays I have to come up with SOMETHING. My man is so so so NOT social. UHG. But he has many other good qualities.
It is so good to be here, so good. Man, I am thankful. Thank you God! I bless and praise YOU!

More of the Same

Today I had a library learning session. It was great. I was going to go to a church here with a participant in the study I'm helping with....but now I'm going to need to work on pulling articles for my Tuesday presentation (and 30 page paper) on myadvisor and the historical path of his research interests.

It's cold here. (more of the same)
It's about 34 degrees right now and the wind gusts to 24mph according to weather.com. I went to school today in some new Bare Traps boots. Brown suede ruched in the back with furry tops mid-calf and very flat sole with a nice rubber bottom. Comfy. They zipped up the back and had two little pom poms each dangling from a rope. I thought it was cute.
I wore regular jeans and a brown silk 3/4 sleeve v-neck sweater with my fushia down jacket (with removable sleeves so that it is a .........whatever that is called --vest isn't the word I was looking for). I wore gold/brown dangling earrings (but short dangle, nothing tacky, maybe just over an inch total), gold watch (from India), and two gold rings (one from Mr on my 19th birthday and the other trigold from my mom) well, and my wedding ring, of course. I had my fossil purse brown with designs---it is so cute! I got it at the outlet. And then my creme ann taylor cashmere scarf. I didn't wear gloves or hat because I didn't have any to match that nice scarf (I didn't know last Christmas that I would be here needing them!).

I say all that because L complimented me today. She said, "For someone who is new here, you sure do winter nice!" She loved my boots, coat, scarf---she taught me how to tie the scarf in the local way the other day. You fold it in half and hold the two new ends and then put the scarf behind your neck. You pull them both to the front of your face and you loop the two loose ends through the one loop and pull it tight up to your neck. I saw it on a manniquin but didn't know how to make it. I'd never seen it before in Texas. THAT DOES NOT MEAN IT ISN'T THERE!
I am low on fashion savvy and just try to keep up a little here and there. Scarves have not been my thing. It is usually too hot to wear them in Texas, although many people wore them anyway as fashion items-----but it is rarely really cold. Maybe about 14 to 21 days a year!

I found out I had econ homework. OH MAN. I was wondering how come he was being so nice as to give us a week off. I don't know HOW I'm going to complete the special paper for him. Geesh. I wanted to do a thoughtful analysis, but my cognition just will NOT ramp up! Well, actually.....did I mention that I noticed some thoughts occurring while I was reading last weekend???? Very hopeful, yes. Very hopeful.

Blessings to all! My love to everyone! I miss friends and family!

have i used this one yet?

okay, I don't even remember the last time I blogged.
I might be just barely starting to get adjusted---am I just getting used to misery? Not sure, but I think I am expecting less. That has come about through prayer. Not so many demands on myself. Trying to take one thing at a time. Trying to trust. Praying more.
and my prayers are more than the first "HELP!" ones, which were quite limited in scope.

Talked to prof about failing the test. He said...."You didn't get a zero!" Oh....so that was the point? (no, I didn't get a zero, but neither did I get an A, not even a B, and not even a C). He said to come see him next week, he'd go over test with me, help me learn what I don't know (oh great) and give me some extra problems to try again (yipee....not).

But I'm just being rather sarcastic (probably wrong use of word, oh well). I'm not feeling as dismal as I am saying. It is such a bad grade that well, I don't even know what to think about it except, "whoa".

My place is a MESS! But I cooked a dinner of little thin steak, small yellow potatoes, small french roll and a large portion of brocolli previously frozen (not so yummy). um...well....i tried to hit the spell check on brocoli, broccoli, broccolli, some one email me, ha ha.

Also, I took some books to my work office. and a plant and a gift from Debbie and one from Dora (and Juanita, if you read this, send me an email about how to reach you! Thanks!). I took a space heater up there and my lecture brain and some boxes and some snack bags of almonds and some water bottles. Trying to make it all cozy. I've got some collages that I want to take up there but they are in poster sized frames, very hard to carry....I'll have to wait until Mr gets here on Nov 30.

I called Allison for her birthday. She's doing great in Florida.

Sister has a new job.

Mom got sick, Mr got sick, K got sick, and I think S, too. I was home for the weekend last weekend but so far so good.

We choose classes this week for the winter session. My stats prof suggested that I wait until next year to take STATS 330-2 (session 2) because he commuted before and it is too hard on the brain until you are settled and the next class is VERY MUCH HARDER, he said. You can imagine how excited I am to take THAT class.
Next year, it is.
Then I learned about the Fields Methods class I want to take. .....3 hour observation sessions per week, which take about 6 plus hours to write up, then you have to write a report on them. Two different students said it's like a 20 hour a week class----and take it now because I'll never be this UNbusy again. (ME? UNBUSY????? NOT!)

And then for Child Development, it is the same prof who is teaching the proseminar.....One student said, "The reading load is unbelievable" and I said, "Oh, about like in Prosem?" and she said, "Equivalent to twice the prosem packet each week."
She suggested getting a study group because there is no way anyone can realistically even read it all, but every word has to be read by SOMEBODY, so you can assign someone to each week and they can make reports for the others to review.

and now that I'm not taking stats, I thought I'd take this biomarkers, health, and social somethings.........and I already know that would be a very heavy class.
It is unbelievable to me. Every class is like 3 undergraduate classes put together. It is an insane amount of material. And to think that they can require people to do this much work over and over and over each year! and people DO IT!

At least getting on the web cam has been nice. To see my sweetie. I miss him and I miss my children. I'm not usually one to miss my children, but now I am. I can't say I'm either bored or lonely....neither one of those describe the feelings.
More of awed and overwhelmed and wading through so much.
I think boredom might be nice about now. To think I have underrated boredom! Next time I am bored, I think I'll just sit there and FEEL it. I've forgotten exactly how it feels. I know I didn't like it, but I'd like to experience it for a while.

I feel like my to-do list is 10,500 items long and I get to about 2 each day.

Yet, with all this, I've been sunny and optimistic. I can't believe it, either.
but I did go to church yesterday. I went to an African American church downtown with a friend from my department. I had such a great time!!! and no one looked at me funny either. I was completely welcomed as if it was completely normal for me to be there, although there were only about 3 caucasians in a group of about 2000 African Americans.

Today I went to economics and ended up with a migraine coming. Afterwards I went to a Policy talk and then went home. Later I went back to school at 4 for another policy talk. Then D took me home and we dropped off C at the train station on the way.

This was probably an incredibly boring blog for anyone who waded through it, but THANKS! At least I feel like someone is listening out there. I love when any of you guys email me a comment or an encouragement (or a question). I need more pics on here, don't I?

I'd like to take a pic of the office as it morphs into a real place. One of the tech's put Endnote on my computer and another one is going to put SPSS on there.
but ya know, I STILL can't see staying here year after year. I cannot. I cannot.
But one day at a time. I can see being here tomorrow.

Love and Hugs! S

weather

47 degrees "feels like 41" here right now (10pm).
My indoor little weather thingy says it is 77.7 degrees with rain (there is no rain--it is clear). My air conditioner is blowing---crazy, eh?

At School Right Now

Can you believe it? I'm at school right now. I'm online with my laptop, totally cool.

So today I am working towards trying to stay. I've turned my office desk so that my back is to the window and I'm facing the room. Much better psychologically!

I've got my computer orientation correct. I was reading sideways! my cat stepped on it or something, but the tech here fixed it up. My little K has been sick and so he hasn't gotten to it.
He asked me to reboot at 4am, I got up and did it, but I guess he fell asleep.

I have so much work to do and the doctor didn't refill my blood pressure meds. How crazy is that? Do they want me to keel over? I'm going to leave here in a moment so I can call. I have such bad phone reception here that it only works about 30 seconds sometimes---if that.

I am trying to relax.
I took a bath last night.
but then I got blisters when I walked to school today! OUCH!

and my brain still doesn't work, but my advisor has some things planned that sound fun. A 10 year project gathering change and stability of 55 year olds and 65 year olds.

better call the doc.
blessings!
Stephanie

CT write me an email---and J, too, if you get a chance. Have fun in Seattle!