Sunday

Seriously distressed that I am choosing to miss church. I was hardly able to attend in the month of January due to volleyball--and now here I am voluntarily staying home. The reason is my schoolwork. Church comes during the most productive parts of my day and I am seriously behind. I suppose the thing is that I work best under pressure and I always manage to get everything in on time----but I seem to take myself to the brink of disaster ---and it takes that to force it out of me. Another aspect is my vague perfectionism. It could be much worse! This is how it works for me......I begin wanting to write something super-duper. I want to give it my best. So I research and ponder and let the ideas soak a while. Then I start off working, but it all seems so stupid. So stupid, in fact, that I refuse to continue along that line of thinking. But before long, I find myself nearing deadline--and suddenly I drop my standards and figure--shoot, anything beats failing--and I pump out the stupid stuff (but try to keep it very organized). Then I review it to be sure it has all the correct punctuation marks, formatting, and ideas presented (according to whatever the professor wants--gotta conform to them and be versatile each time). When it comes back to me, it is usually an A with some excellent comments--but not always. I recently had my first B paper. OUCH!!!!!!!!! And it was an important one, so I am going to push through and perfect that baby.
But for now, I have a paper due to a group project today. I am determined to do it. I will. I am going to focus. I AM! And my friend Cindy is praying for me! (THANKS CINDY).