Article in the New York Times

There was an article about a California psychotherapist using the torah and talmud as her guide to parenting. Her book, first put in the jewish area and barely published, is now all the rage.
The article is a long one, so here is a small passage:

In her work, Mogel often sees children and teenagers who are petulant and awkward — young people who refuse to extend the simple courtesy of a greeting, or who feel too uncomfortable to respond to adults’ well-meaning questions. As a template for reasonable expectations, she looks to the Talmud’s instructions on social obligations. The rabbis came up with detailed guidelines for derekh erets, a phrase that means “way of the land” and basically describes an ancient version of etiquette. It includes the mitzvah hakhnasat orkheem, or hospitality. People receiving guests at their homes should greet them at the door and escort them inside; be cheerful during the visit; offer food and drink; ask the guests about themselves; and escort them to the door when they leave. Mogel urges that teaching children accordingly counters a “culture of narcissism,” as she puts it, in which children are encouraged to express their feelings even when the result is a show of bad manners. “The Talmud says the mitzvah of hospitality is as important as Torah study and a way to honor God. That’s because all of this trains us in the habit of thinking about other people’s feelings,” Mogel says. “The rabbis understood how we learn compassion.”

I thought of Juanita's children. How politely they meet me and greet me. How are you? Fine, how are you? Good manners.
This is an excellent article. I was just telling Mr about daughter's view towards church---don't yield to the resistance---of course she is going to resist. She is tired and would rather sleep. But she doesn't REALLY hate going and will go willingly, if you just allow her a mood here and there.
So I don't require my children to FEEL the same way I do about things, but there are many things we must do whether we feel like it or not. We can allow them the liberty of their private emotions, we are not seeking to CONTROL, merely direct. There is a difference.
Some parents want their children to THINK just like they do---and really, this can't be done. At best, you shut them down, and at worst you merely get someone parroting what you say, but walking away in another directions. So for your own selfish interests, let the children feel.......but don't give in to them because they are as inherently selfish as you are!
:-)

and if my friends do not write more emails or make them longer, I may resort to listening to NPR. Which is "all the rage" (there's that cliche again Dad) around academic circles. I'm trying to hold out and measuring how long I am able to do it. I've been able to hold out against TV for years---we'll see.