Today was a fabulous day! I introduced my advisor to my cohort for our seminar class (I'll be sending pictures soon) and all was well in the world.
I came home to do my economics---hoping that the procrastination would at LEAST get me started.
I decided I'd do my stats later. Like even tomorrow.
but dang, I could not focus on that economics reading. It is really horrible.
I looked over the problems, but there is no way I can do them without understanding the principles laid out in the chapters. I can't read the chapters because I don't understand them and I need someone to explain them to me.
and so I am now going to be behind on the readings.
I couldn't even START on these next readings until I got my homework back and understood that part.
That was just yesterday! I needed to let that soak in a bit.
and I had the big event of moderating the class today in our seminar---it was a big deal to me and I was very excited and prepared heavily---all week really.
and then I just sort of gave up on the stats, sent my cohort an email of "HELP" and decided nothing could be done--I'd have to go find out what happens if you fail something. Normally they kick PhD students OUT if your grade average falls below a B+. I expected that.
but I didn't expect to be able to hit the ground running on economics.
Next I started on Stats, but as happened last week, once my brain shuts down on the econ, there is a flow-over effect on the stats, which is crazy because I know how to do it. Well, I realized that I needed SPSS software in order to do these questions. and I don't have it at home.
Supposedly I have it at the office.
However, I can't even get into my office except during business hours because there is a hall door that cuts off access to my office---and the hall door is locked after hours (pain in the butt).
So I went to download SPSS on my home computer.
I went on e-academy. It already knows me. but I told it to send me the password, and it won't. I keep checking and it won't! and I am not sure what is happening.
I put in my new school email and it already knew me---that means it should send to that address and not the st. eds one. and if it goes to the sbcglobal, that is the one I use too, so man, why am I not getting my password!
It is as if the gods are against me, which is double cruel since I don't believe in gods. I believe in One God, Jesus Christ, and He is FOR ME.
So maybe this is all a figment of my imagination and I need to get over it.
someone start praying.
I go home this weekend to visit hubby and I didn't want to spend the weekend doing SCHOOLWORK, although there is likely no way around it.
I have plans to go to K's apartment where he will cook for us and to take the girls shopping (and myself!) on saturday and church on sunday before I head back here.
oh man.
I don't know what is going to happen or how this will work out, but it doesn't seem fair that I am just a couple weeks in school and already starting the "I'm going to fail" song.
I think of rocky and bullwinkle "but that trick never works!" ...."This time for sure!"......
but it doesn't.
so maybe I won't fail.
poor logic.
where is my optimism when I need it?
I am relying on my faith and pressing forward although it doesn't seem likely that I'll jump this economics hurdle.
maybe they would let me cross it off the list of required courses??? I can dream (and I can pray!)
My faith is not in myself, thankfully, it is in one greater than me.
We shall see what He has determined.
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