9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I'm trying, really, I'm trying.
I watched some praise DVDs I have of worship music showing nature scenes. I went to Target for a chance of scenery. I managed to get the NY Times article broken down and read a couple of the supporting reference articles. I made hamburgers, ate some oreo thin crisps and talked to K online. I've written a couple of emails and done some web searches (I googled my own name and there I was---and not just the horrid McNair Scholar photos with my hair dark and short when I was trying that look in case it was more professional--and it wasn't--just made me look washed out and old--oh well).
It might be the isolation. Mom and Ms C.T. both told me I'd be lonesome. I didn't really agree, but maybe that's some of what this is. It doesn't exactly FEEL like lonesome, but it could be that. It feels like incompetence without reassurance or no social support so that I can get my homework done. I have to actually GO ASK people to help me AGAIN and I'm not sure how often I can do that!
and its funny, because I really thought I'd matured to the point where I could give help or ask for help whenever either one were required. But here I am resistant to asking for help again. It is hard to be openly NOT getting what everyone else seems to get.
and they try to be nice "Oh, that one was hard for me, too" but that is such a bunch of bologne!
well, this is how I process folks. I complain, I whine, I get dramatic. Where is my picture of a girl laying in the road? I love that picture.
the good thing is that I do NOT have a migraine, but I DO have a sore throat and a zit on my chin.
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