In my devotional this morning--My utmost for his highest by oswald chambers (a fave of mine)---I went back to the recent 2 days (july 18/19) and the discussion was on obedience to Jesus. It says:
"Our Lord never insists on having authority over us. He never says, "You will submit to me." No, He leaves us perfectly free to choose--so free, in fact, that we can spit in His face or we can put Him to death, as others have done; and yet He will never say a word. But once His life has been created in me through His redemption, I instantly recognize His right to absolute authority over me. It is a complete and effective domination, in which I acknowledge that, "You are worthy, O Lord..." (Rev 4:11). It is simply the unworthiness within me that refuses to bow down or submit to one who is worthy.
This discussion is so relevant to some things we've discussed in our prayer group, which has really turned lunch group, due to the meeting places. It hardly seems appropriate to have a prayer session in a coffee shop or restaurant (not that we couldn't, but it is not very conducive to spiritual contemplation for us lightweights).
In addressing leadership issues among us, I've come to see some things in the light, including my own attitudes, which are wrong, and although they have come to the light, they are still so pervasive as to affect my bearing.
It's thinking you are a leader.
As someone who has had extensive leadership, in my first church it began to bud and bloom, but by the time I was at Vineyard, I was doing multiple things and it sure was another high point in my life. I love church work, I love teaching the Bible, I love sharing what I know.
When I changed churches because of some disagreements with leadership, I chose a church that was much more fundamental and strict with those that were allowed to have ministries. Imagine my chagrin when I learned it excluded me. I was told I would be soon invited to the leadership meetings, but then we never were. Neither Mr nor I were really willing to submit to the level of control that was pervasive there, but I think it may have been other things. I cannot be sure, since I did not inquire, but trusted the Lord because my duty at the time was to finish school and church ministry would vie for my attention, indeed it would capture my attention and I would likely have a divided heart. I consoled myself with the knowledge that I chose this church for just that very reason (that they be scathing in their combing individuals for ministry, making SURE they were well versed in Bible knowledge and theology) and that I was being saved from divided attention.
It was hard on the pride, though. I knew that despite personal weaknesses, I had much to offer, as many Christians do. Yet, the opportunities for women at this church were very limited. The women's ministry was more driven towards fellowship and the marriages of the church were predominately pairings where the male was the stronger spiritually and the wives were more passive by nature. There didn't seem to be any room for ministry for new people.
I had to learn to be a nobody in terms of leadership. How hard it was! To not get acclaim or esteem for my learning! I really saw how I sort of chaffed under that, yet, I knew that was NOT the goal of ministry---it is to SERVE. And I really didn't want to serve. I really didn't have the time to lay down my life for others, which is what I see as the requirement for office---there IS NOT OFFICE---it is all service.
So when I wish I could help leaders stop thinking they are so important. Especially lay leaders. It is NOT just the new ones who struggle with wanting to be esteemed. Seasoned Christians desire to be affirmed and acknowledged, to go to a higher place than others. I am not immune. I find this to be grievous, but what can I do? I repent and move towards humility. But as soon as I find myself in a humble attitude, I am prideful for having attained such, and then I've lost it again. Difficult.
As for me, I think the important lesson that I must remember---is NOT that I need to teach others this lesson so much as remember it MYSELF. We are so quick to think we know what others need. We think to ourselves that if we could just communicate this to them, they would learn what they need to know and be better for it. Yet, that is not always the step God would have us take.
All Christians know that when they were first Christians, they listened to the sermon and thought, "So and so needs that!" or they elbowed their spouse, "See?!?"......but those times when you are at church alone or that person you are thinking needs it is not there----remember who IS there---YOU!!! And so we come to understand that God is sending the message to US! Stop learning for others and take the knowledge to the depth of your heart where it can change you!
And that is where we try to be---yet, we often fall back to immature ways of thinking that others need this or that.
I go to this retreat. I planned on reading the whole New Testament. I only made it through the four gospels (and I skimmed the book of James when looking for something in particular, but that is hardly meditating on the Word). But how glad I am that I did not make it. I would have all that Bible scripture right on the tip of my tongue and how tempted I might be to show it off.
When I am teaching or studying regularly, I know so much of the Bible by heart, but I've learned to stop that. I've learned ---actually from my recent church that would drive me nuts because they would talk in Scripture references ("well, at least there is Romans 8:28! They said that one ALL THE TIME) How can new Christians even understand such nonsense--not to mention NON-Christians! God didn't write the references, the Holy Spirit wrote the WORD: All things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His Purposes-----that what matters is faith expressing itself through love.
Jesus says, You eagerly study the scriptures...but you refuse to come to me to have life! It is all about Jesus and loving others, forgiving others, considering others. That's not as easy as knowing the Bible! I know so much, but how much can I WALK OUT????? Not much, let me tell you! I fall on the mercy of Jesus.
and leaders would do well to do the same.
Let us not see ourselves as leaders, let us see ourselves as servants. Servants do not demand to be asked politely, servants run for their master and give and give. I want to see myself as a servant, and if I do not have the grace to serve, than what business do I have trying to be "over" others.
Let God be glorified in my life as I work out these truths. I am not at a place of service and I bless those who are. Yes, it is a hard job because you can never satisfy the hearts of the people you serve. So they grumble and are discontent, which is why we must point one another to Jesus. Good heavens, there is not a person in this WORLD who can meet my standards, so why would I ever think I can meet someone else's.
No, I've learned I cannot. And really, that is why I am glad God has NOT called me back into service just yet. It is a tough road and you must be hidden in Him. It is a lot of work, like parenting toddlers and teens at the same time (some of my friends actually do this, whew!)
Again, may God be glorified. I am praying for humility. I am praying that I go to this meeting as a child, with hunger in my heart for God, not trying to "be somebody". I pray that I do not fall back on my Bible knowledge to show that I am a person of worth. I am a person of worth because God created me! All His created people are worthy! We are all made in His Image! and we should serve God in every man as a service to Him.
(but the shoulds, the shoulds hold us back, the shoulds bring condemnation, let God breathe LIFE to us and then we shall serve Him with gladness and great energy!)
YES! It is so obvious I am filled with Him, right? I am not gripping about garage sales or back aches or my weight or school.
I am filled with trust and I will walk in the gift of it!
and some difficulties, some storms I am facing right now, pale in comparison to my joy in Him. I am so at peace in that regard----and focused on Him changing ME not me working on everyone else to get in line with my improvement program.
When I delight myself in Him, He gives me the desire of my heart---which is HIM! How I wish I always chose this place. How thankful I am that I've had some time to spend at His Feet. I so wanted some revival in my heart before I head North and try to exist there apart from my family! It will be a challenge, but if God is for us, who can be against us? I am willing to lay it all down or complete the whole thing. Whatever He shows me, that I will do.
Previously I had told God, "Please don't let me quit and please don't ask me to quit! I'm afraid that if I think I 'hear' You tell me to quit that it will really only be my fear talking. And if I can't hear you telling me to go (as I know you are) if it turns out that I made all this up out of my own will, then how will I ever trust myself to hear You? Your sheep hear Your voice and I am Yours. I will follow You wherever You go, but didn't Peter say that?"
But now as the time approaches and I really DO fear going and I really DO fear failure, I have to fall in His arms again. "I am willing to go or stay. I am afraid to go! But I know You go with me. You said that even if I go to the depths of the sea, You are there =psalm 139= So I will trust in You. You know my past and my future, You hold those in Your hand, but I do NOT know them, I just walk in faith. Thank You for this opportunity and I pray I accomplish all that You have purposed. I know when I am there, I will continue to know whether You are with me or not, I know You will speak to me. It is like jumping off a cliff in the dark, but with You, darkness is as light. Darkness flees from You. So I am safe."
and since I so fear failure, yet I know I am not supposed to fear (perfect love casts out fear), I tell myself I am allowed to fail. I will not be ashamed (oh right, yes I will, but okay), I will trust You. I really do not want to "fail", but I so want to obey! I am only safe within the Will of God. That is when I can trust that everything that happens to me has a purpose for my benefit. Outside of the Will of God, I make myself available to the enemy to steal, kill, and destroy, and even though God will turn it around for my benefit in the long run, it is not necessary. So in this place, I can trust that everything has a purpose and a lesson and a meaning and I will look for the blessing, trust for the blessing.
God is worthy to be praised.
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