This post-doc who works with my advisor was presenting some of his research directions at a forum yesterday---and he said one theme in his life is going for the underdog.

that resonates with me.

I have always been for the underdog.

this is my little k.

the computer doc

they love him (computers love him)

if computers ever become sentient, I'll be related to their fav human

I got these off some guy's blog.

I should read my Bible, my texts, my interviews (to code them)---but instead I took a trip down random blog street. I really like the "next blog" button on blogspot. Give it a try!

I saw these. My first thought is "my brother loves these!" and then I remember loving them myself. I was pretty young when we watched these, though. Seems I was way earlier than age 10--maybe 5 or 6?..... Bro would know.

I can't remember how it went, but it was a good show and I really really liked the intro song. And the way they would take a sharp breath all the time-- and everything was pretty hyper compared to other shows in those days.

hhmmmnnn....

I watched Scooby and Fred Flintstone. LOVED those shows. Bugs bunny, pink panther, and ...............

anyone remember Sigmund the Sea Monster? That wasn't a good show---but I LOVED the one with the sleestacks, or however you say it. The Land of the Lost.

Where the Dad with his son and daughter fall through time and end up living with dinosaurs and aliens. You couldn't have high standards for realism when you watched, but I liked the story lines.

I also liked the Partridge Family and the Monkees. I was an music video girl from the start! Disney helped with Cinderella and Snow White, two of my faves.

Then I would never let my children watch those movies because I didn't want them enamoured with magic.

Yeah, but then my youngest ended up watching MTV shows that I can't even stomach! like, my gay date or something like that---oh it is sick. Or this show where these guys do funny stunt type stuff and one shows his behind quite frequently. They are crass and rather vulgar, although humorous---Mr gets a big kick out of it anytime he manages to catch one. and there is this really weird show that is like a japanese show where they have to do hard things like go through a maze and then swing across water or something and I can't remember but it seems like someone dubs over it in English---or maybe not--but either way---you do not know what the people are saying in their own language --and people get hurt. It reminds me of a hyper America's funniest home videos.

Today I drove around doing errands. I LOVED driving. I never get to drive. Only every few days. Maybe next year if I am still here, I will move somewhere else a couple of miles away and then drive in and park near campus. That way I will get to drive each day and maybe won't have to wear comfort shoes all day every day.

Went to a party last night. The second years put on a party for the first years and all years come (no faculty). It was fun. It was at a BEAUTIFUL downtown home. Beautiful, elegant, and artsy. They had a porch where he had a grill out there, a mondo grill (which made their son a house) and they could see the library and other downtown sights. It was so awesome! I don't have a porch at all. I have a grate in front of the sliding glass door! So it has the EFFECT of porch, but if you open that sliding glass door, well, it's a long drop if you are a paper doll. Since I'm a tad chubbier, I won't fit through the space between my doorway and the little railing stuck right onto the wall on either side of my door ---a faux porch. uhg.

But that's okay because I am not the type who sits in public anyway. I don't like my neighbors to see me. I'm so private at home! I'm gregarious in general when I'm in public, but when I get home---TRANSFORMATION. Grouchy girl--leave me alone.

But it is my recouperating time. Hey, I was raised by introverts. I know no other way. Full extroverts exhaust me. Even my baby L can get over chatty when I'm at home---but when I am out, she is so fun--keeping up a non-stop banter. Her and her friend Carrie.

The Lord bless you and keep you and make His face shine upon you and give you peace.

Interviewed participant

OH I finally got to do what I've come here for.........well, I suppose I've come for many things.....but I got to do a FULL LENGTH life story interview with someone AND with
two subsections ---one on faith and one on politics.
It was so good.

what a rush!

How awesome to hear someone spell out some of their life's most pivotal moments! I love when people talk about some of their important memories. I love "story sharing" where you get together with people and some topic comes up and then everyone ends up telling their version of a story on that.
like when someone says, "Oh that's nothing! Listen to what happened to ME!....." that's always a good story.
or if someone says,
"Oh my gosh, that's happened to me, too." and then the circle continues.
I always enjoy hearing those (and telling them!)

I enjoy the little kid stories. Oh my goodness, kids are fun and an endless source of humor and joy (among other things!)

I finished my Economics homework, too, for those who heard of my dispair--Did I put it on here?). I hope I get it back on Monday and then I'll know if I'm just crazy and way off OR if I am merely stupid. One of those (no, hopefully not---but for the sake of a lame line--I wrote it).

Heck, I have to keep a pace going or else who is even going to WANT to read this thing (well, I will---ha ha!)

If you read this blog, maybe send me an email about what is your favorite picture on this blog. Favorite picture since I started it.

Sometimes I check out other people's blogs on blogspot and it is so interesting to see the anonymous (or not anonymous) stories that people put out about themselves.

major mood tornado

Doing econ problems and they are hard. They are not hard if you are up on Economics at the moment, so I feel dumb for even saying it.
and I know I remember how to do this somewhere in my brain, but this is no intro class. You are supposed to already know economics.

After all, I have a college degree, right? and I did take micro-economics and enjoyed it----and actually made an A!
but it sure seems hard to believe.

I'm discouraged, though. I am feeling less optimistic. To think I have YEARS of this stuff ahead of me!
yet, I don't want to go home and work at some dumb job.

I want to TEACH.
I want to make a difference.

So I pray for persistance, diligence, stability. Good sleep and a head that feels good and thinks well, with attentional strengths (I pray against headaches and discouragement, in the name of Jesus) and I focus on my future goals and my wonderful husband and my great children and all that God wants to do in us and through us as we fix our eyes on Him.

Trying to figure out what rent controls do to the market, price supports.....

Wait. Here are some pitfalls in decision making. Avoid these:
1. Ignoring implicit costs
2. Failing to ignore sunk costs
3. Measuring costs and benefits as proportions rather than absolute dollar amounts (I cannot convince Mr on this one! drives me nuts)
4.Failure to understand the average-marginal distinction (I'm not as good at this one myself)

Okay, those were the easy ones.
It's the equations that get me.
more on that later.....

SCROLL THROUGH TO THE BOTTOM

Lots of pics of my babies on this page. K, L, and S!
Love to you guys!

My Cat Lily (AKA Lilykins)

You can see that my cat is really enjoying having her person all to herself. She revels in her queendom. I wait on her hand and foot. Brought her a little pillow of catnip today, fed her, pet her, keep her litter clean. What a life. She's chilling in the living room.

Little K, all grown up

I was GOOD!

I was good. I wrote my paper.
Isn't this little puppy cute?

Thank you anyone who might have happened to read my blog and then pray for me! I am actually going to send a link because I feel too guilty overloading all my friends with long emails and I'm in a chatty mood!

Here's my paper.
This is a dumb one. Then why am I sharing it? Well, it will make more sense when I talk about how everyone ELSE's paper was.

You don't have to read it----
My interests in human development began in the spring of 1982. Although my school record was dismal, I sparked to life when I embarked on the study of psychology, a half-credit elective that I took following government in my junior year of high school. Suddenly, I could not get enough of the course readings, I relished my homework, I aced every test and the teacher that once seemed horrendously boring became my favorite. I realized that I was onto something. Clearly, I was able to accomplish a heavy workload if my interests were engaged.
I applied this new work ethic to the monotonous classes and they came to life for me as well, but nothing on the same line as the psychology class…until I came to the child development portion of a home economics class in my senior year. We were given a special textbook about child development for one portion of the class and I read the whole thing, even asking my teacher if I could purchase it. Delighting in babies was new. I had never really been around any, but their developmental paths seemed incredibly engaging and I toyed with the idea of having a baby myself.
It was not long before that was a reality. I was supposed to graduate and move with my father to California for college, but as my parents divorced, I chose to marry my high school sweetheart. My college plans were put on hold when I was pregnant after four months. Cheerfully, I decided I would have my family young and return to school when they were older. I read an American Baby Magazine special publication for new mothers to track my baby’s intellectual, social and physical development month by month.
When I had my third child, I studied midwifery and was reading books such as Your Baby and Child: Birth to Five Years by Penelope Leach and The Complete Book of Pregnancy and Childbirth by Sheila Kitzinger. I was involved and surrounded with people in my local church. I was present at friends’ births and was a doula for some of them, but I was most invested in promoting good families. I taught marriage and parenting classes at church and I mentored teen moms in the community, educating them as a volunteer prenatal educator through Any Baby Can of Austin and through the Teenage Parent Council of Austin.
I was critically aware of the development of my children and the many children around me in my life, even as they became teens and went off to college. But my husband brought substantial changes in our life when he went back to school in 1990 and then began working for Dell in 1995. I knew then I wanted schooling to be more accessible to the lower classes and minorities because of the discrepancies between the working class and the middle class.
My early years with my husband exposed me to families that were on the edge of poverty and I witnessed first hand some of their struggles. My community work exposed even greater disparities between what most Americans consider a normal life and what some people were enduring. I wanted to be part of the solution.
As for my disciplinary heritage, I come from the general psychology major. I have written papers based on attachment theory (psych of religion), social learning theory (research on Chinese women’s identity as women in America), and Erikson’s psycho-social theory (compared to McAdams narrative identity theory). I had an excellent course called Children’s Thinking (Siegler & Alibali, 2005) that delved into socio-cultural theories of development (Vygotsky ..and Rogoff), Piaget (of course), language, memory, social cognition, it was fascinating!
My personal framework would begin with the genes. There is no doubt of the heavy role of genes in the development of the person. On the light side, I have witnessed my own children have odd behaviors of grandparents they never see (walking tip-toe as infants, for example) and I’ve seen the radically different behavior of adopted children, both in other homes and in my own. I raised my half-great-niece for three years, ages two to five. It was a very interesting observation in genetic differences, down to smell. Each of my birth children’s idiosyncrasies can be traced to someone, but hers could not…she enjoyed pulling stickers off of things, crooked socks made her extremely uncomfortable, her hands and feet sweated profusely. From the womb, children come out differently and some of these differences persist.
I view genetic tendencies as a blueprint for the individual. There are potentials there within the person. Certain environments may trigger these potentials, whereas other developmental paths may not. Particularly with the children who are not as resilient….good, stable environments can support the best in these children. Although some children are not going to fare well anywhere, optimal environments impose the least harm.
To explain, suppose there is a child with strong genetic aggression. A good environment will not change that, but it may support cognitive or social learning of other ways of expression thereby neutralizing the worst of that potential. Conversely, a child who is in an adverse situation may not be able to overcome some of their weaker potentials. We each have a general nature that can be expressed at poles. While I may be gregarious and friendly, I can also be overly talkative and insensitive.
Then upon these blueprints, social learning occurs. A child learns from what they view, what they hear, and what they are told. If a mother tells her child that rain is God crying, then the child believes that is true about the world. Children begin to form their idea about themselves from what others tell them and from all the things around them, they form their own ideas about how the world works (the reflexive nature of the self). Their minds are incredibly equipped for this, such as with language learning. Later, as with McAdams narrative identity theory, individuals reformulate their story to make sense of their life.
Regarding self-selection of environments, one point to make for the poor is that they do not always know of alternatives. They may be full of positive potential and not understand their inherent skills waiting to be developed, thereby retarding their own growth inadvertently. This is why I am interested in Human Development and Social Policy. My intention is to teach at the university level and to partner with programs, such as the McNair Scholars program, to increase the underrepresented in academia.
As a McNair Scholar myself, I heard firsthand from Hispanic young women about the barriers to education that they face. Their families are frequently against higher education, believing it to be a waste of time so they encourage their daughters to come home and get a job. Somehow, these girls have gotten themselves into college in spite of their family’s stance on education and I want to help first generation college students get through the maze of obstacles that they see as they approach graduate degrees (even getting their undergraduate degree).
Although over a century of social work has not put an end to poverty, Jesus said we would always have the poor with us---and so we will continue to have a social and moral obligation to care for the orphans, the widows, and the poor. Housing, health care, and education will continue to bring some hope to a hurting world. I persist in optimism and idealism because it generates energy to keep fighting for solutions for the next one coming. I hope that learning more about policies and programs of the past can bring us into greater awareness of focal areas for the future. That is why I am here at HDSP. And I will bring that learning to minorities and first generation college students in my future work in the universities and communities, both in the USA and abroad.

Whew! At least I finished! I'll correct it tomorrow before I send it via email and bring the hard copy to class.

but it got me thinking about the real theories. and so I was looking in an Adult Development book that was an online UT class that Mr. took. It talked about Jane Loevinger's theory....like the conformist stage, self-aware level, conscientious stage, individualistic level, and autonomous stage.
I can see myself going through those. I am not exactly autonomous, but one hallmark is the capacity to deal with inner conflict and that other people are accepted and cherished for what and who they are, with no attempt to make them over.

That has been a good thing to attain. I am not fully immune and I've always got advice for everyone. Both of my parents are the same way.....so it comes naturally to me.....but I don't expect that others have to TAKE my advice. I've even begun to let my own CHILDREN find their way. That is a rough and difficult choice that takes letting go of my own ideals of who I am and what I impart to my children. But it is worth it. I always think of how furious I was with K for not heading right into college---what a waste of relationship! I regret it! I'd rather support him in what HE wants to do.

Be sure to email any comments.

okay, I just don't want to write the paper! It is 4pm and I only work well until about 10pm. papers can take me as much as five hours! that means i only have one hour to kick in with the attentional focus. arrg.

i already took my nap.

aren't these little paws sticking out from under the sheet cute? don't you just wonder who is under there?

today in econ, we had this article.....

Reading the Coca Leaves By JOHN TIERNEYThe most enlightening speech at the United Nations this week, I’m sorry to say, was the one by Evo Morales of Bolivia.I don’t mean it was a good or even a coherent speech. That would be too much to expect from the world leaders’ annual gasathon. The rhetorical bar is extremely low. Morales, like his friend Hugo Chávez, spent much of his time ranting about a new world order based on the economic policies that have worked such wonders in Cuba. But Morales at least brought a visual aid ­ and thank God, it wasn’t a book by Noam Chomsky. Unlike Chávez, he didn’t assign reading homework to the U.N. Instead, he held up a small green coca leaf, and when he talked about international drug policies, he made more sense than anyone in the United States government. We’ve sacrificed soldiers’ lives and spent billions of dollars trying to stop peasants from growing coca in the Andes and opium in Afghanistan and other countries. But the crops have kept flourishing, and in America the street price of cocaine and heroin has plummeted in the past two decades. Meanwhile, we’ve been helping terrorists and other enemies abroad. The Senate has voted to send Afghanistan more money for programs to harass opium growers, whose discontent is already being exploited by the resurgent Taliban. In the Andes, American drug policies made Bolivians so mad that they elected Morales, a former leader of the coca growers, who campaigned for president on the kind of anti-American rhetoric he spouted this week.At the U.N., he denounced “the colonization of the Andean peoples” by imperialists intent on criminalizing coca. “It has been demonstrated that the coca leaf does no harm to human health," he said, a statement that’s much closer to the truth than Washington’s take on these leaves. The white powder sold on the streets of America is dangerous because it’s such a concentrated form of cocaine, but just about any substance can be perilous at a high enough dose. South Americans routinely drink coca tea and chew coca leaves. The tiny amount of cocaine in the leaves is a mild stimulant and appetite suppressant that isn’t more frightening than coffee or colas ­ in fact, it might be less addictive than caffeine, and on balance it might even be good for you. When the World Health Organization asked scientists to investigate coca in the 1990’s, they said it didn’t seem to cause health problems and might yield health benefits.But American officials fought against the publication of the report and against the loosening of restrictions on coca products, just as they’ve resisted proposals to let Afghan farmers sell opium to pharmaceutical companies instead of to narco-traffickers allied with the Taliban. The American policy is to keep attacking the crops, even if that impoverishes peasants ­ or, more typically, turns them into criminals.Drug prohibition in Bolivia and Afghanistan has done exactly what alcohol prohibition did in America: it has financed organized crime. The only workable solution is to repeal prohibition. Give Afghan poppy growers a chance to sell opium for legal painkilling medicines; give Andean peasants a legal international market for their crops in products like gum, lozenges, tea and other drinks. As Ethan Nadelmann of the Drug Policy Alliance proposes, “Put the coca back in Coca-Cola.”That’s what Morales wants, too, and he’s right to complain about American imperialists criminalizing a substance that has been used for centuries in the Andes. If gringos are abusing a product made from coca leaves, that’s a problem for America to deal with at home. The most cost-effective way is through drug treatment programs, not through futile efforts to cut off the supply.America makes plenty of things that are bad for foreigners’ health ­ fatty Big Macs, sugary Cokes, deadly Marlboros ­ but we’d never let foreigners tell us what to make and not make. The Saudis can fight alcoholism by forbidding the sale of Jack Daniels, but we’d think they were crazy if they ordered us to eradicate fields of barley in Tennessee.They’d be even crazier if they tried to wipe out every field of barley in the world, but that’s what our drug policy has come to. We think we can solve our cocaine problem by getting rid of coca leaves, but all we’re doing is empowering demagogues like Evo Morales. Our drug warriors put him in power. Now he gets to perform show and tell for the world.

and when I read it, I thought,...well, we sure wouldn't let anyone tell us not to grow barley. Darned imperialistic of us. But do I want to increase supply of coca to the U.S......no. I am hardly one who is for legalization, although I see some good points to taxation and such. Still, although they discussed coke and meth in class, I was thinking of crack! Since crack became the cheap way to get high, it has destroyed people because of easy access. So I suppose I would want the price of drugs to stay high.

but when I was at my apartment, before class, all I could think of was.....shoot. I never think about drug trade except in school. We are always talking about drugs in school. But my children haven't had any probs with drugs and while they are around it, none of their friends have been arrested or gotten sick or whatever. So the drug thing is kind of far from home for me. So I just sort of listened on this discussion. It was funny not to have 25 things to say. My last classes in school were in my psych major, so I ALWAYS had TONS to say (one of those big mouths in class), so I don't have any trouble being quiet because it won't be for long. When we get into teen parenting and such.....then I'll have plenty to say (maybe?)

but for now, I need to write that paper. So I'll go try again. If you read this ........say a prayer for me! It's "paper prayer" time again. I feel like such a Jesus-User. Just selfishly praying for myself and for help all the time when I'm in school......but I am glad that Jesus daily bears my burdens and He gives me rest and leads me beside still waters and restores my soul! His yoke is easy! and I am glad to be working for the King! Praise the Lord!

cutting sodium and calories

So today I've got my calories at about 1600 and my sodium under 1000. I've got to manage the weight and blood pressure. I'm trying to write a paper on...."Where are you coming from intellectually and personally vis-a-vis human development and social policy? Where do you hope to go?" I am to describe the disciplinary heritage that brought me to this program as well as personal motivations....comment on how I wish to strengthen and expand my scholarly expertise regarding HDSP and why this is the case. ....Include possible topics in which I will specialize and add comments regarding my perspectives on and interests in various methods."

I really thought this would be easy, but now that I am upon it, I am getting all anxious! And this isn't hard at all. I mean, heck, I already KNOW where I'm coming from and I know what I am interested in, I know what methods I prefer. Therefore, it should just be a matter of blah blah blah. ..........but suddenly my "blaher" is stumped.
How to start?
How to format the paper?
What will everyone else's look like?
Mine should at least be a bit better because I have a psych background which includes some developmental theories, like Erikson, Freud, and Piaget----even Bandura social learning (wrote my chinese women paper on that) and Bowlby/Ainsworth attachment theory (wrote a psych of religion paper on that).
So.........I think I'll shower. Yeah, that will help procrastinate!

severe weather site

Here's a site my dad sent me that might be useful to you too!
and you can just click in your zip code to see your local weather.
http://www.wunderground.com/severe.asp

Homecoming

My baby and 25 girl friends and 16 guy friends participated together as PHS seniors for homecoming. My baby designed the girls outfits and my mom sewed 25 special order skirts! WOW! and my baby decorated all the shirts and overalls and such for the others. What a ton of work, what great organization! I'm so proud of them both! Wow! So impressed! Wow!

Mothers Against Ignorance

Here is my friend C, whom I am uber proud of, proud with and taking pride in. She's another mom my age with a passle of kids whose gone through a ton, but come out with a Masters in Biology. Woo Hoo!

Great encouragement as I begin work on a PhD. I found out I do NOT get a Masters on the way, as I formerly thought. They aren't doing that now. It wouldn't help me anyway because I've got to have the full PhD to teach, but DANG. I would have liked a sure thing if I needed to withdraw.

Today was my first day to do real work---I was interviewing a participant for a faith and politics study. It was really hot out---I did not expect that---but I knew I get really hot walking all the way to the university, so I wore something light and had an overcoat. I brought my umbrella because there are thunderstorms today.
well, when I walked outside,YUK. Horrid humidity and it was very hot. It said it was only 70---this did not feel like 70. In Texas, 70 degrees is pretty cold. Not here. Whew, it was HOT. VERY muggy. Way more like Arkansas. I took the overcoat off and stuck it in my bag.

So it felt about like 80 to me or worse, with a slight bit of coldness in the air. but with the humidity that thick, that slight bit of cold was no comfort whatsoever.
I was immediately sweating.
by the time I got to the school, just short of a mile later, I was drenched! I had sweat popping out in beads on my forehead and running down. And my back was no different. That was not going to be good for the interview!

I headed to my office where I have a small fan kept just for such a moment----bu tthere was an entry door to the offices area. It was locked. My key didn't work in that door. No one was around. DANG.

I headed upstairs to get the interview room ready. I tried my new key in the door and it did not work. I tried again. Okay, how about a miracle? I prayed and tried again. Nope. Okay. Problem-solving. I tried my other key. I tried other doors. Other doors would not really help, I needed a recorder to do an interview.

I called the lead investigator. She was in Highland Park shopping and wouldn't be able to get to me any time soon. She suggested I call another person who had a key. I tried him, but got a voicemail. I continued sweating profusely because the building was heated (very very unnecessarily, I might add) and I tried to drink some cold water to offset my body temp.

Eventually the participant called me saying she was on this particular road nearby and would be just a bit late. I was able to tell her to turn around and go back. I apologized. I was embarrassed, she was disappointed, but she took it well. We will reschedule.

I headed home and called a student who found my student ID which I'd dropped when jogging yesterday and emailed me. I met her at her building, which was on my way home anyway (nice) and she came out to give it to me.
Again, by the time I got home I was all sweaty anew.
Horrors!
I came home and washed all my clothes, ate some lunch and crashed. I napped for .........a couple hours I think. The crisis had wiped me out.

I spent time talking to my sister that morning. I had rushed to school after chatting for about an hour with her. That may have started the whole overheated saga. I had a good talk with big sis. Yesterday was her birthday and I gave her a call and left her a message.
She's doing good and getting a new job. She has a couple good ones lined up, so that's very positive. Blessings on her endeavors.

That's my day. I was going to go shopping with my friend's son, but the rain has dampened enthusiasm. I just talked to him and he's wiped out from all the work they are putting him through in acting school. He has very long days--12 hours or so. He does workouts each day and he's trying to lose 25 pounds (no small amount!). He's exhausted.

We've decided to try next weekend. It should be sunny then. I'd like to see the Magnificent Mile on Michigan Ave. It looked really cool from the car windows when Mr was here. But I'd like to get OUT of the car and into the shops.

Off to do schoolwork.....

Whew! Heard the sound of a tornado!

* AT 549 PM...A TRAINED SPOTTER REPORTED A TORNADO AND RADAR INDICATED ROTATION NEAR PARK RIDGE... MOVING EAST AT 10 MPH.
* THE TORNADO IS WILL BE NEAR... MORTON GROVE BY 600 PM NORTHFIELD BY 610 PM SKOKIE BY 615 PM WILMETTE HARBOR...WILMETTE AND WINNETKA BY 620 PM EVANSTON AND KENILWORTH BY 625 PM ROGERS PARK BY 630 PM
DO NOT WAIT UNTIL YOU HEAR OR SEE THE TORNADO. TAKE SHELTER NOW.
GO TO THE BASEMENT AND SEEK SHELTER UNDER THE STAIRS OR UNDER A HEAVY PIECE OF FURNITURE.
A TORNADO WATCH REMAINS IN EFFECT UNTIL 1100 PM FRIDAY EVENING FOR NORTHEASTERN ILLINOIS.

that is what I saw on weather.com.
First it sounded like someone was throwing rocks at my window, then it got severe. Then I heard this loud rushing sound like a train. Except it didn't sound like the Metra (I live near the metra and hear that dimly each day). Well, Dad always said, "When you hear the train coming, take cover."
so I went to weather.com and punched in my zip code.
Uh-oh
It said a tornado was spotted by ......oh man, I forgot!.....something like,....by visual or indicated by radar. Seek shelter immediately.
Well, Mr had laughed at me because I leave my keys and shoes right on the kitchen bar by the door. That way, if I must exit immediately in the night or something, I know where to go. My mother used to say to always have shoes on the floor in case we had a tornado, I would not have to step on broken glass.
So the advice of Dad and Mom became quite relevant and I grabbed my stuff, left my kitty, and went to the basement. There were actually several people there, but there was not the sign of any alarm anywhere. But I know the crowd effect is such that people will do what other people are doing.....so a tornado might be coming but if no one is taking shelter, everyone thinks they are wrong to do it or something.
I finally accosted a young asian man who had come from above (the outdoors) and he said he had not seen a tornado, but the rain had come so suddenly like a wall, wuush and he was so scared for his life! But he just wanted to get back up to his apartment. I wasn't sure where I should be just yet. I considered getting in my car, but I kept thinking of the twin towers and all those squished people (well, I suppose they disintegrated) but it made the basement safety not as comforting.
I was stressed that I could not contact Mr by phone or text. I didn't like that at all. I just wanted him to know I loved him. I wanted to text the kids, but didn't want to scare them. L would be particularly frightened if she couldn't be sure I was okay, so I didn't text because I knew I was just being a drama queen and really everything would be fine.
and sure enough.
I'm back in the apt typing on my blog.
and still have plenty of homework to do.
at least I had finished cooking my pork fried rice with egg and carrots. Yum.

My baby and her man

This is L's man and she's very happy, as you can see. She sent me some pics and so I'm scanning them and loading them onto Kodakgallery. First I've got to go to Whole Foods and get some stuff. I really really drink milk! Wow! I have gone through about 3 gallons since I got here. I just got this one the other day. but that's also cause I've had graham crackers for several meals, therefore, there must be lots of milk for dunking and drinking.

I jogged to school today. I had my MP3 player on and so I ran way too fast at first. So I didn't run the whole way. I had keys with me and they were too heavy for the pockets. I had a washcloth for sweat ---because I was going to the office and sure enough, G was there and I talked to her about the yahoo groups page where we coordinate interviews with subjects (which I get to do tomorrow). and I picked up the key to the interview room. I have to review the procedures!

It was great to get mail from C and then L today! Thanks to both of you!

Got my stats homework started. Have to write a short paper, that part should be easy enough. But there is still so much reading to do. I enjoyed the Economics of Social Policy readings. I really kind of like economics, but I don't like the math part of it. But I like the analytical side and the cause and consequences aspects. Seeing things in different ways. Very informative.

I wrote my past government teacher. We had to think about policy issues for Econ homework and so I knew to look her up at ACC and find her web page with government links. She really got into that stuff. She should go into politics, but she does enjoy teaching it....even though she knows most students take it as a required course ---and loathe it. Her enthusiasm is infectious, though, so it makes government seem cool.

Blessings to family and friends and HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my big sis!

CAMILLA IS AWESOME!!!!

I got my first real mail today! From a PERSON! Thanks Camilla! I loved it! Just when I TOUCHED it, I was totally blessed! And it kept on going even after I opened it and walked to school humming to myself.
:-)

THANKS!

Blisters

www.vonhoff.typepad.com

Okay, so I complained about blisters to many of you. (did I post on the blog about it?) but my dad sent me a site for athlete's, like runners or hikers, and it is all about foot stuff.

I thought my feet were bad, but okay, I'm feeling like a happy pansy! I am still walking and yesterday I did not even get ONE blister after walking around campus. I wore my black comfort kind of shoes, so those will be a mainstay.

I had gotten blisters on my side heel from pumps, then another one on the back of one foot and the tops of one foot's toes--also from pumps, but sort of comfort pumps (kenneth cole reaction pumps). Both those shoes have lasted all day at conferences in the past with no adverse effects. Then I even got blisters from a comfort hiking sort of shoe! One on a big toe pad and the other on the big toe but between the toe pad and the foot pad.

Those have all healed and I wore some black fave boots that have a bit of a heel but a chunky heel, so it is not wobbly or anything. They are the equivalent of wearing flats, but I'm a bit taller. They have a waffle sole and wide flat square toe box and a short part up the ankle, a bit lower than mid calf. (well, maybe they ARE midcalf, I don't know).

and it is almost midnight and all I really did today was go to the grocery store, go to my friend and cohort D's house (she lives in a fancy neighborhood and the houses were gorgeous. I crossed this little bridge and there was a marina right there! Nice! I will have to go take a picture of that.) and then I finished the certification for working with human subjects. It was hours and hours and hours long! I thought I might die, but here I am typing. I made 88% in the end. Boo Hoo, a B! I was so close.

I get to interview a subject on SATURDAY! WOW I am so excited. I probably wrote this already. So I have to review the protocol. Very exciting, I'll say. (which reminds me of martin short in some movie).

God is good all the time. I'm so blessed! Got to talk to my hubby, daughter, son, and mom online today! I sat watching over them as they ate dinner while I studied the modules and took the quizzes for certification. That is pretty cool.

Got to see the animals (manimals in baby talk) and sweet kitties are so precious! Even motz.

blessings and honor and glory and power to Jesus. It is too cool that Jesus is here in the North. Oh and it was SUCH a beautiful day! I committed it to memory!

CITI Course in The Protection of Human Research Subjects

wanna talk boring? I'm STILL trying to take this darn thing! maybe I should NOT have taken off for the summer. my brain doesn't want to kick back in on the attentional focus thingy. It's just torture for me to read through these modules! I have done 8 now and there are five left. Really, they take me AN HOUR! They say 10-15 minutes on some, or even 20-25 minutes. I think I finished ONE of them in the time they said.

and they really do test you on it, so you HAVE to pay attention. but I'm not doing too good. 87% so far. Not great! I can't believe it! I mean, you don't even have to do anything but read and then take the test, I would think I'd get 100, but they are not remembering type questions, but more like ethical scenerios where you apply it and well, sometimes I get it wrong

First official school day

Today I went to my stats class. Woo Hoo.....super duper easy. It's like a review....again, very easy. Now that doesn't mean that doing the homework won't be hard. I don't like having to do that kind of stuff. It just won't really be challenging....and I really like that, because there is so much reading! so much so much so much.

Then I went to the seminar class.
It was good. I had not finished all my reading because I got so into all the materials given to me for the research I'll be working on. I read 3 instructional papers, the protocol, the mail-in questionairre with so many instruments measuring stuff like right-wing authoritarianism, values, faith, personality....it takes about 2 hours to fill out on its own. I was trained yesterday in interviewing and that takes about 2 hours. all that was fun fun fun and interesting.
I have to get certified so I am taking a class (like defensive driving) online which may take all week, but I'll push through---monotonous.
Then I will start interviewing next week.

But in the seminar class, we talked about so much stuff that it didn't matter that I hadn't read a couple. My classmates discussed them. I didn't even discuss the half that I DID read. There were other things to comment on. It was interesting. Very long class about three hours. She talks about all this great research though. Makes you want to do ten thousand things!

Then all six of us (my first year cohort of accepted hdsp students) went to a place like an irish pub, so I had some fish and chips (when I saw the malt vinegar on the table, I said, "Woo Hoo!" there must be some fish and chips around here somewhere! and there were)

today I actually DID not get a new blister!
wow!
what a kind world we live in

but I threw everything around everywhere getting ready today in the apt.
so that I have a lot of mess to clean up.

but I have no class tomorrow!!!!


so I'll get right on the online class---oh wait, I need a stats text book. POOPY! and I'm still missing two text books.

I'll have that stats homework to do but it isn't due until Sept 28th.
there will be no midterm and the final is a take-home which we can fax in from the bahamas, he said.
and there is no class on "reading week"---whatever that is, I guess the week before finals----because there is nothing to read!

and then my seminar class does not have a final either, but a 12 page report on a faculty member (and I have YOU KNOW WHO!!)
and so we'll see about the
Economics of Social Policy Class.

Just doesn't sound inspiring, but I get excited about everything. So surely it will lift me to new heights in the area of social policy. hmmmmnnnnn. I'll keep you posted.

Nearly time for a video cam with Mr.

pictures for feelings

My pictoral montage.
although I couldn't find a picture of anyone reading ...and it is past my bedtime.
There are the serene parts of being here by myself and the stressful parts.
I really love the stressed kitty pic, though and the sleeping puppy. The knight pic is me and Mr.

Time to settle in

okay, in spite of the migraine pic, I do not have a migraine today
thanks friends for praying!

Happy Birthday on the 22nd to my big sis!

migraines

Did I put this pic on yet? when I was looking up info on migraines I found this. Pretty accurate, I say.

I am online with Mr right now. He has these effects so he can put on a pirate hat, and afro with a pick in it, a crown, a grill on his teeth like flav a flave has (I actually watched an episode of who loves flava flave the best?)

Today I have not done enough work.
I underestimated how much work the reading is.
and there is still all this cleaning to do.
I haven't vacuumed

Violence in the media

There is so much violence in media these days. I mean, look at this picture! I got it off the web....so violent. Those cats are really after each other. I think they need a conflict resolution course. Maybe a little counseling.

I walked to school today all by myself. I might be growing up. (I might not be)
I listened to my MP3 player that K helped me load songs onto.
It was interesting. It was 3/4 mile. But let me tell you, I walked much much more than that today.

I went to my building and went to my office. By the time I got there, I was already sweating! Knowing the likelihood of that, I brought a washcloth for just such occasion and made a mental note---bring small fan to dry off. I tend to sweat if I make more than 20 steps. (sometimes even beginning at 18 steps).

OH MY STUPID COMPUTER JUST LOST A COUPLE OF PARAGRAPHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and let me tell you, they were FUNNY!
but now all my humor is GONE!

to continue on a more BORING vein.....I had to walk back and forth between buildings several times. I had to get some change to buy some packets from the administrator. Then I had to get the names of the textbooks I needed and went back to purchase those. Then back to the office to put that stuff in my desk. Other people have so many valuable things in their offices, but I sort of dread putting my nice books where someone might want to take them, but I guess I'll entrust them to the Lord.

I have new blisters on my feet AGAIN! So now what will I wear tomorrow! I wore some hiking-ish sort of shoe that I often wore to school, but walking that much (maybe four miles total) was just a lot for my piggy toes. Well, it was the piggy that went to the market---I suppose the market was close whereas the campus is NOT.
So tomorrow I'll try tennis shoes, uhg. I'll look so stupid. (I generally try not to look stupid, but some days, I can't avoid it. Stupid it is).

But I'm down to total comfort shoes and STILL getting blisters and my first scabs are not even healed. This is pretty funny (it doesn't hurt THAT much).

but OH MAN,
I got to get trained for interviews which I start next week! which reminds me I have to do the online course for human subjects...........(and reminds me I have to do online defensive driving, horrors!). and I want to apply for a couple of fellowships, but I don't have a study to do myself yet. I have to spend some time thinking about that.
maybe on saturday.

Blessings to all, do not fight like cats, find peaceful ways to love one another! Be sweet!
(inside joke to cindy)

Doing Readings

I've got plenty of reading to do by tomorrow at one. Good thing it is only 5:22pm. I've already taken multiple breaks, eaten twice, and shopped online at Nordstroms--pasting a little wishlist onto a word doc.

But I've read most of what needs reading by tomorrow. I still have not gotten to much of the class readings for Tuesday. That is a big stack and on a different vein then I've been following, whereas the narrative studies on faith and politics are right down my alley.

I've been able to change the temperature of the A/C so that it reflects my preference. I am really looking forward to living within my own climate zone. I've tried to focus on all the positive parts to autonomy (and they are numerous) as a buffer against the inevitable loneliness. I'm choosing more of a stoic stance, too, rather than just letting my emotions go wild. I've learned that I am not required to feel what other people think I should be feeling and to let go of those expectations......a big one is missing your children. That was the first one I learned early on. Whereas other mothers often torture themselves with guilt about taking vacations, I was determined to enjoy myself to recharge for better mothering.....and it always worked for me. The time we dropped L off at college, however, was a shocker. It overtook me as an emotional Tsunami, mainly because I wasn't expecting to feel like that, and I cried for nearly 45 minutes straight!

With this situation, though, I easily anticipate plenty of angst and potential regret, so I am not bothering with creating any. I know that I know that I know I miss my husband and children and worry about how they will fare in my absence. I know that I know that I know that I derive much pleasure from seeing them and from involvement in their lives---they are great people and I just love interacting with them and feeling that I am doing them some good by my love and affection and encouragement. So being here all by myself working on my own stuff will undoubtedly feel horrendously selfish and misguided at times (not an inkling of that yet, though!) and not only THAT, but I am going to want some HELP! and there won't be my usual resources available.

I'm hoping the web cam works, but it hardly satisfied me concerning S. I talked to her twice.

I wanted to talk about how I met with Cindy's son on Friday night and Dani and her husband on Saturday evening, but maybe more about that later.
I went to church today, a Vineyard, and as I was worshipping (they were very low key in regards to expressiveness), one of my fellow grad students appeared beside me! I hugged her spontaneously (we were at church, I know her, and I was happy to see her) and let her in to sit on my row.
She works for my advisor and I will be working with her coding faith and politic interviews. She will extract episodes from 2 hour long interviews into discreet events such as high point memory, low point memory, turning point memory, etc.....and I will be coding those along with a newly hired research assistant. I talked to her about it on Friday when I went up to get my office key.

This is very coincidental---therefore I can only believe it must have larger implications in the scope of both my life and hers. I look forward to being able to converse freely on topics of faith!

Off to more work.
I took too long of a break.
:-)

School begins

They are teaching us so much here and my mind is already filled with new information. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.

Good so far

Ok, so here's my place. Right now my cat is meowing oddly. Who is she calling? Not me because I just fed her and she comes right to me when she's talking to me.... Just sort of a melancholy meow to nowhere.

I'm trying to short cut a bunch of emails by blogging, but I write such different things to different people! and then I'm not showing my professors my blog because I'm way too unprofessional on here!

I did get my official website started at the university---so if you know me and are reading this blog, you likely already saw that. I'm going to add some stuff to it eventually. I've also made a "MySpace" so I can keep tabs on my daughters, but my youngest has yet to add me to her friends list. I've got to update that one too. I don't really use it though. and then I need an AOL instant messager ID. That is the sure way to talk to my youngest, who is always on there. It is not my favorite communication mode, however....you all know I prefer email. It just seems that it is never inconvenient (unless people never read their email)....and I lose touch with the phone people because I am not big on the phone. Yet there are still many people my age and just a bit younger who have not managed to get on the email train.

Mr is going home on Sunday and I believe he is getting irritable (and I am too, likely). He never likes being off work and he doesn't like being "the spouse". He jokes that maybe I'll get rich and famous and he'll retire and be the spouse. Oh ha ha. Like that would ever happen. I've told him he is not allowed to retire because it is not for everyone. There are several stories of people who retire and promptly get a heart attack or something. He would hate it that much. Therefore, work forever. Since his work is intellectual, he can do it as long as his brain cells are working. If they aren't working, well then he won't really care much, will he?

I went to the graduate school orientation on Monday. Saw my friend who is about my age. Her husband has taken a job in New York, so they have a commuter marriage too. She has a 3yr old and a 7 yr old and graduated from Princeton (must be nice). She has an Au Pair (even nicer). We're going out together with our husbands on Saturday night. They'll have much to discuss. Both international worker types. Anyway, friend and I went to lunch at this great place with Tapas. I don't know if the name was tapas, but we ordered the shrimp on skewers and the chicken on skewers----so I took Mr back there on Thursday night when we were both hungry and we had the same thing, plus a pizza and some squid. We were trying to get the beef with horseradish sauce, but no, they STILL didn't have that (bummer).

Went to Whole Foods which is near by. The bread around here costs around 4 dollars. That is odd. Water is expensive, about 1.29 a bottle average. and No Ozarka! my fave.

At the grad orientation, I learned about some services, like the psych services. I think they are free. So I will avail myself of that, plop down and whine for a half hour or hour, whatever they offer. That keeps me sane (MOST of the time)----that and email from friends! Everyone feel free to write about the dumbest aspects of life and such. I'm sure I'll love hearing about it.

Oh but this is way cool....

....I already got some great assignments! I spoke with my advisor and I am meeting with his post-doc on Monday in order to prepare to do interviews! They are around 2 hour interviews, oh my gosh, I cannot wait! It uses the life story interview format. I can send a copy if anyone wants to see it. Some of you saw it when I did some work last year but I only used four questions.

He gave me a big ole paper about this study and explained what my part will be. There will be about 90-100 interviews and then I'll be coding some of them with another girl who will get hired as a research assistant. I'm already hired in the sense that they pay me and I'm sort of expected to do 20 hours of work a week. If this is work, I can do WAY more than 20 hours! Woo Hoo!

So me an the RA (research assistant) will both code stories such as "high point" where someone explained to an interviewer a high point in their life that they remember. I'll code it for various themes and then she codes it. We'll work until our coding is very close to the same (called interrater reliability). And we get to go through one type of story at a time----like 95 high points and then maybe 95 low points!
I'm so excited about it!!!
That is exactly what I wanted to do here! Hooray!

I am also trying to sign up for classes. The stupid sign up program is not familiar to me and so I cannot tell what I am doing. There are problems on the other end, though, such as the stats class got complicated and is closed to students in my department when it usually is not. So we've got to get special permission.
All the grad classes are only open to specific students by special permission, so you need codes. I find it complicated!

Plus I had to get my school ID car and a new bank account. I haven't changed my mail yet. I have to send out address stuff to friends. I have my office and office phone---how cool is that!?!
and they are giving me a Dell computer (cool). I do not need a lap top but I still want one because I like to work somewhere other than just at a desk. This desktop is rough. I don't like sitting in one place all day---which I'll be doing soon!

and I've got loads of reading already.
about 2 to 3 inches of copies of articles to be read by Tuesday. I definitely think it is fun, but last night when I was trying to read some---I kept veering off in my mind thinking about my own relevant experiences to the writing. I mean, I read that SAME page about four times, but each time I would keep scanning the words while I went off in wonderland.

So I'm hoping it is just because it was late.

Glad I have my car here.

had considered going without a car---NO WAY! so glad I brought it! I kind of might like a bike though. One thing at a time, however, and we're not to the bike stage yet.

Blessings to all! I've been on here too long! Mr is still sleeping. We go to sleep by midnight and he sleeps until 10:30am.....it will be rough for him getting back on schedule--and he doesn't sleep well without me there.
Ignore the typos. I was just trying to put a bunch on here since some of you actually READ this thing. THANKS!

THANKS FRIENDS AND FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I appreciate all the thoughts and prayers! SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just went through my email (can you believe I had over 1000 in the spam folder!
I am so thankful for Norton anti-spam)

It is good to hear from you......let me know what is going on in YOUR daily life, too! I have nearly gotten my apartment all together. I've got most of the stuff on the wall. I have way too
LITTLE cabinet space, but more wall space than I expected! I could have brought a dresser
and so I will likely get one eventually.

My walls are fairly bare, but I am not too big on wall stuff.

School was great yesterday, I overdressed. I went to lunch with a friend and we walked, I was wearing heels. They are some that I can usually walk all day in, however, I am not used to the pedestrian life.
So we walked a minimum of one mile round trip, maybe more (felt like around 3 miles to this novice) and I went home with blisters.
but we had a GREAT lunch of Tapas.
we had chicken on a skewer and shrimp on a skewer and some grilled vegetables. We talked about life and husbands, etc. Went back to the graduate fair where we learned about the different services and groups available.

It was a hard drive to get here.

We drove to Sulfur Springs TX on the first day and then stopped in Little Rock, AR the next day around noon to pack up some things mom had left for me. A wood screen that had just been stored in a back corner was covered with dust. I had to work to get some of it off before we stuck it in the truck. Then we headed onto to Champagne, IL.
So we drove about 12 hours that second day starting at 8am and ending around 11pm but with a couple of stops, especially the 2 hour stop in Little Rock where we ate and cleaned up the stuff we were loading and then Mr dried his clothes in the dryer, he was soaked.

Little Lilykins made the trip so well. I was so worried about having her in hotels. I am sure that is against the law or something. I prayed that no one with allergies would end up in the room we had her in. She would meow in the early mornings and she kept trying to lay on the bed with us and by my head. That isn't normal for her, but she was on drugs.

She really tolerated the whole thing well. She would not use the litter box, even at night in the hotel. And on the third day she was scratching in the box, I was unsure what to do---it was dark out and I hated to just pull over. But then I did. It was too late, she had wet all over the place in the box. BUT it was an old towel and then newspaper under that. I just took those out and I put in a new towel I had there precisely for that purpose.
But she was very upset. As if it upset her that she lost control or something. Because although it was completely clean (it had not wet all the way through the last layer of newspaper), she still remained on the one side that had not been soiled at all and she pressed herself up against the door and stayed there.
Poor kitty. It was not her fault!

And she's been really happy here. She didn't like me vacuuming today. Not one bit.
But we've bought her a cat box with a hood over it and she's using it.

She likes to sleep in the bedroom at night when we come in here. I set her up a sweatshirt on my computer chair and she very contentely stays there all night.

We found a great chinese place already. We had take-out last night.
we found the regular grocery store (there is a whole foods within about a mile of me)
and there is a CVS fairly close.

About everything I need is within a 2 mile walk. People walk everywhere here.

My apartment is really clean!
I do NOT like having to walk all the way down the hall, down the elevator, across the huge parking garage underneath the building and then drive out-------just to do anything!
Quite different from home where you just walk into the garage and get in the car!!!!!!

Everything is so public here.

My BP is good. The meds bug me. They make my head tingle. I hate new meds.
I know they are slowing my metabolism, too, but what can I do? I have to take them. That high
BP was such a shocker!
but the doctors and nurses and techs were so nice. That was probably the most pleasant hospital experience I've ever had. I was not uncomfortable (except when I had to get that gown on! UGH!!!!) and they did the IV butterfly type thingy in my arm instead of the back of my hand. It was not painful or anything.
The doctor was very respectful of me as a person.

They wanted me to wait a day to leave, but I only waited most of the next day. To drive that far or to miss the movers appointment----THAT was WAY too stressful. So I chose rightly. and all is well.

And Mr is being so nice! (he usually is anyway) but I suspect that one of the good outcomes of that BP scare is just to keep him so kind. He normally would be so irritable during this kind of thing and would expect me to tolerate him (and I would because he is helping me and doing hard work and I appreciate it). Instead, he's been very mindful of whatever I needed and not stressing me unnecessarily. With so much happening, there is no way to get "no stress", but we have done good with "less stress" and minimizing the relational spats.

not that we are pollyanna about how difficult this will be and we're not pretending peace. We're working things out and learning new things and finding new ways to cope. It's all good. It will be hard. So far so good, though, and I know we'll continue to put forth a lot of effort for each other.

Hey, tonight House is on.
K set us up so we can stream our home TV to this place here. So Mr watched the UT game the other day. and I was glad to have some time to work undisturbed as I tried to figure out where stuff needed to go.

thanks K! You are awesome! I don't think we are ever going to find the boundary to your skills. They are ever increasing and always impressive!

Love to all, keep those prayers coming! They have been so very effective.
Try praying hard for headache relief! Body calm!
(but please keep up the prayers for peace and trust. That's where I'm at and I want to stay here with the Lord, carried by Him and blessed).

Getting settled

Tuesday---been here since Saturday and just now beginning to be close to settled. There is so much to do in a move! I haven't really moved much in the last several years. Moving from DustyLeather to Vanderbilt was hardly a move. Other than electricity and such, everything remained the same.

First things first, though. I dreamt that Cheryl called. In my dream, it was a Sunday. Cheryl was saying (very nice, sweet, and genuine sounding) that she had talked to her mom and she wanted the girls (my girls, L and S) to come stay with them for Christmas. That they had talked it all over, implying she knew it would make N want to see us more but that she was okay with it. Then she said she was on her way and would be there later to see us. It was Sunday late morning.

I am not sure if I was going to be there in the dream. In real life I have mentioned sending her a letter suggesting she come visit while I am not there. I know I was worried about how the house looked. L told me their house is decorated to the hilt. My Vanderbilt house is the first one that has ever come close to decorated and then this little apartment is a work in progress, but I am still rather simple when it comes to decoration. What I call clean and simple, others call boring and plain. Oh well. I have to live here. but I also am so willing to make do without decoration. So it leads to lack of impressiveness---just not one of my goals!

I think I am bugging Mr. with the typing. I am still stuck on a DESKTOP (the horror) and will have to work on this for a bit.
It is cold here. I've got to get more athletic type comfort warm clothes. That will be my main off-work clothing.
I had orientation. I went to lunch about a half mile away with a friend who is my age and in my program---I got a blister later in the day. Small price to pay for a great lunch!

more about all that later today.
and I will download my email==oh dread---and start working on that MAYBE.

Migraine and Blood Pressure

My blood pressure was 218 over 143. CRAZY MAN!

I would not even have known because my blood pressure monitor was already packed up.
However, I got a migraine. I never go to the doctor for migraines....I usually just lay down and use it as an opportunity for forced rest. Today I decided to go to the doctor for it and we found the astronomical numbers.

I was able to go off blood pressure medication over the summer by lowering salt intake but I have been having a great time with salty foods lately! (and upping my caffeine, oops). I intended to start back on BP meds when I started class, but I see that I should have started them up sooner.

Anyway, I really thank God that He showed us this problem. It is a very severe blood pressure, but there was no stroke, no damage to my brain, heart or kidneys. They gave me a CAT scan, blood tests (kidney) and an EKG. All very good. (In fact, the doctor said I had a very good brain. I like that!)

So it is back to low salt and various other things along with medication.

thank you so much for those I alerted by email to pray. I was blessed by your responses and phone calls and offers to help.

I appreciate you!

Crikey!

I hated to hear about the crockster heading out of this world, but he was sure a fun one! and he died doing what he loved----his daughter will lose him profoundly whereas his wife is cognizant of the risks he took and blessed that.
He died at the top of his career anyway and I think that is more fun than going at the end of a long and weary illness.

And I find it odd that I was sad for this man, but I honestly enjoyed his personality! It was a blessing to me! He did not live under fear.

And it is time for me to be bold, brave, adventurous and exhuberant! Crikey!

I'm packing up some of the last things and meditating on the love of God. I continue to know that God empowers me to do great things as I serve others and I hope that my life will continue long enough to bear fruit.
It seems to me that the investment in schooling reduces my effective ministry to others, somewhat as I am not available to carry others burdens and lighten their load. I can pray for others and that DOES lighten the load of believers, no doubt! But my practical service seems fairly non-existent to me.
While I do not believe in works whatsoever, the fact remains that works are a fruit of faith. You can examine yourself to see if you are in the faith by reviewing your actions.
Actions are love, love is action. Love in the heart is not worth much if it is not expressed (except to God who sees all and profoundly values the love in our hearts as we cherish Him).
I feel that many of my actions are selfish.

but I am thankful for Mother Theresa. The epitome of charity in our times, she made sure she took care of herself in order to give fully to others. There must be food and rest for the one who cares for the poor.
Well, I suppose I go WAY OVER just food and rest! and the more money we make, the better ways we find to spend it----and NOT including the poor.

As I begin to make some money, I will again have some measure of influence over our finances. Not that I do not have influence now....I could do whatever I chose to do....and yet I refrain at times and wait upon my partner to give. I yeild to his choices while he manages the checkbook and accounts.

but when I am out of school, I hope to return to managing our household more fully and I know I will resume support of those ministries on my heart, specifically Pastor Roy Jacobs who runs an orphanage in India and does a good work with the jungle inhabitants, the blind and the widows there. It is only $2000 to build a church in the jungle.


and I keep meaning to buy a lunch, say...at Wendy's....and then hand it to the homeless around here---but I always forget!
I've meant to bring food in the car.
but even when I have had it with me, I get embarrassed to give it.
how weird is that?
and since we're not giving regularly to the salvation army anymore, I feel more responsible to help. Jesus said we would always have the poor with us, therefore we will, but He desires that we are good to the sick and poor.

I hope to work for the salvation army up north. There is one close by! I definitely want to help in the soup kitchen. We'll see if I actually DO it.
What good is it to TALK about the good we will do? Yet that is all it comes to. Talk.

My Birthday today and Cats

This is our little kitty april, nicknamed Kippy.
We only call her kippy, or kippus, or kipster....so when I saw in our newspaper that there was a cat site named catster, I looked it up.
Ha ha ha ha
I had fun.
So maybe the kipster will be on catster!

and there were other fun ones I have yet to check out.....so here is my disclaimer....I am not sure that their content is God glorifying...but I know they are meant to be humorous.

www.careerbuilder.com/monk-e-mail
www.stupidvideos.com
www.cuteoverload.com
www.mycathatesyou.com
www.boingboing.com


and it is my birthday today. 41 feels horrid! I have felt miserable the last couple of days. Little sleep at night, had to take naps, allergy feeling through the day, today I have a headache that is very very mild but incessant and irritating--I just want to shake it, but the mega solution of 8 ibubrofen hasn't knocked it out!
and I don't even have any good meds.
dang.

So I'll go for the bath later, and I am trying deep breathing and praying (not praying too well, but I know God is Good)

Julie came over! I was so glad since I wasn't likely to make it there.

If you didn't see my photos, email me and I'll forward them, but everyone on my blog is on my kodakgallery.


thanks Amy for the totally awesome birthday gift of a worship CD!

and Julie brought me white roses, my fave!
(among several other gifts thanks!)

and mom has given me several things here and there and said, "That's for your birthday!" but I made her give me her old scale that she was throwing away and said it was for my birthday. heh-heh.

My praying ladies gave me great gifts last week, too.
I may actually go to coffee before leaving this week.

we get the truck tomorrow.

We've got everything downstairs to be loaded in.

yikes!
long drive!

Sunday Sept 3

Tomorrow I turn 41. Right now I am SO TIRED! The fatigue and anxiety of the move are a physical reality in my body. Presently, my mind is still good. Sometimes, though, I have that feeling like "I need a break!"....K was feeling this as he awaits word about his job opportunity. I reminded him to really relax when he had the chance. Take a deep breath and relax.
So I am taking my own advice.
I have a sort of an overwhelmed feeling, but I know to keep moving forward in spite of it. God provides the grace, I can choose to believe and receive it or I can lay on the floor and whine and nothing will get done. Easy decision today.

I'm going to bring all the stuff down from an upstairs room and stack it in the dining to prepare for loading the truck on Tuesday.
I just remembered that I was considering having friends over.
I'll have to think that through.

I have had such a nice time SEEING PEOPLE and I know I'll see people up north, but not THESE people.
and I do just fine when we only get together every few months, so it should not be any big deal, but it feels like these relationships could slip away across five years and I do not want to let it happen. Sometimes it happens anyway.
In this busy society where we commute across town to do anything---it is difficult to arrange meeting together.
and sometimes I hear the quote, "If you are too busy than you are TOO busy" as if everyone should have time for whatever the speaker thinks you ought to do----but it is not true.

I am SO OFTEN very very very busy making sure I am NOT too busy by guarding my time at home. Thus, I am too busy for everyone else, but my home life is peaceful and loving. That is how I try to run my home.
Now my baby girl will truly have a mother who is too busy. and I am grieved.

Today at lunch we mentioned how she'd need to be in by midnight. She realized we would both be gone for more than a week. She wondered how she'd get help doing all the homecoming stuff.
But mom will be here.

My friend Julie is coming over with her husband and children.
I better go prepare a bit more. Maybe I'll have some pictures to put on here!