Trying to Pray

I'd like to pray. There are prayers in my heart. They don't seem to be coming out. I keep zoning out or moving to some other activity without even noticing. I guess it is part of coming home--except that I'm not home yet. Kenya swirls in my mind and in my dreams. Each night I wake up and there is someone in the bed with me and I think somehow it is a Kenyan and oh my gosh, how embarrassing, I had rolled into them. Then I wake more and realize.....wait. I'm in a USA hotel and it is Steve.
I dream Kenya. I think Kenya. But I'm eating American food. I went to Steve's Stepmom's and she made a delicious breakfast yesterday of scrambled eggs, sausage, bacon, grits, biscuits, jam. I overate. Then I didn't eat again until it was maybe past 7pm when we were at Cheryl's and the whole table was decked out with food brought by well-wishers. I piled my plate high and got another full of salad to start with. LETTUCE and TOMATOES which I love but i just hesitated eating them in kenya --which is funny because I really ate a lot of fruit.
I'm still here at the hotel and I've prayed for Steve but my mind kept straying. I prayed for Cheryl and Chuck. They have all gone to their grandmother/grandfather's grave site to throw the ashes of their mother over her parents. It was her request. I've sent Steve on alone so he can spend time talking over private memories and hash out his feelings if he lets them come up. We have a joke that we got from Jon Willis, "I have feelings inside!" (someone has to insist because no one believes it.)
The funeral was nice. The flowers that Cheryl picked to go around the box that held the ashes were lovely. I really liked it. There were several extended family members there that I see at funerals. There was a best friend Nell had for years that I finally met. Brother Cupstead came and I had never met him. He was around when Steve was a young teen and a big wonderful influence in his life. Steve worked for the father and worked alongside the son, who was somewhat older. He has only said good things about them. We didn't get to see his Uncle James, another excellent role model that gave Steve and Chery's life some stability. There were two preachers speaking, Brother Cupstead and Pastor Jim-Cheryl's longtime pastor. They both spoke so well about Nell, her life, the Lord. I was blessed.
It was a long day but Steve got through it well. Chuck has never seemed more open and loving. It was a real joy. He used to take care of Steve and Cheryl as he is quite a bit older. He loved them so much but then he was gone for many years. He's been back in Jackson a while but Steve has been busy traveling the world, working for Dell, and now doing TGD work. I pray the Lord gives them time to get together. I know his half-sister, Brenda, would really like more family time. It's a long drive for us and Steve loves to stay home when he can. I pray they can come visit us sometime as well.
I guess I am just fuzzy brained. I don't need any time off, in fact, I want to redeem the time and use it for the Lord's glory. I want to speak on behalf of the pain and suffering I see and I want to call people to join me in serving the poor. I want to call people to serving others with dignity, not pity. I want a nap but hate to waste the time. I still will have to wash all my clothes and figure out where things are in my room again. It will be a good time to declutter because you just realize when you go to Kenya for six weeks that most of the stuff you own is redundant and unnecessary. Why keep buying more? and then when you go through someone's estate and see the silly things they neglected to throw away. Toothpaste tube just put in a drawer or one lone sock--you think of your own drawers and how you try to throw something away and you think, Wait! I can use that sometime. I don't want to have to buy another one! But you never use it or use it once per five years. and it is cluttering up your life.
I like to really clear out the clutter but yes, you do end up going without those things you could have used.

I wish I had shoes of size 10 that I could give to my TGD computer student women. There are four women in the top class and there are six women in the basic class. They need business clothes. I sized the women in the top class and they had big feet. They wear 9 and 10. I might have some shoes (i am 8.5) that they can squeeze into?

I want the guys to have business clothes, too. I saw that payless sells mens shoes for $25. I wonder if I can find cheaper than that. Except that i do not have another container going over yet.(which reminds me I have to overnight a check to the shipping company for a change in the bill of lading)

Please pray FOR me. Not for me personally (although Steve could use some personal prayer) but pray in my stead. I need prayer for TGD:

--GOD BE OUR CENTER---GOD SUPPLY OUR EVERY NEED--HE WHO KNOWS WHAT WE NEED BEFORE WE ASK---

--the website to be updated. donations made easier.
--plenty of donations.
--the building to be completed on the inside by the time the container arrives
--the NGO documentation to be completed
--the exemption certificate received
--donations for the clinic
---donation for the new shipping of some medical donations supplies we are receiving
--the orphan land, the orphan house, orphan sponsors, support staff, schooling fees, medical fees,
--students to get programming contracts


Here are our focus areas: Building completed, Computer students get contracts, Clinic is established, and Orphanage established.

All of it takes money. and I pray hearts are moved to compassion and generosity, in Jesus name.