I had a wonderful six weeks in Kenya. I had imagined that I would have time to suffer and get irritated with people I loved. I imagined that I would have times of deep loneliness or isolation. No. None of that. I was really blessed. I was transformed. God took me deeper and farther than ever before. He took me to places of Grace I only dreamed of before. I could not ask for more—and I didn’t ask! Now I see how generous God is with his Grace. I only long to return.
You get grace when you need it. The times of suffering are brief. I think we imagine them all stuck together in a long story of horror, but when I was hot, I was only hot for a while. Times of cooling came later. When I was frightened, it passed. When I was disappointed that the money was not coming, I endured. God gave me songs in my heart. God showered me with His Love. Jesus was my focus and my mind was stayed on Him.
The only fearful experiences I had were a cockroach (well, SEVEN) and the shame of not paying the man who sold me iron on the day I promised. I was a bit afraid of facing the crooked lawyer at the police station because I turned him in-but I faked my way through it to show my team that I was a leader they could trust to face anything for them. I told them you don’t have to be confident, just act confident. God is with us. I want them to be the same way.
I am so thankful that my fears did not keep me from obeying Jesus. I am so thankful that my love of comfort did not keep me from serving others. I am so thankful that the love Jesus gave me in my heart gave me energy and strength. It wasn’t just gushy love emotions, it was a determination to see Love, Joy, and Peace. It was perseverance for Justice. It was the knowledge that I can do SOMETHING and I was doing it. The evil in the world will overtake us all if we hide away so we don’t have to face it. God gave me such courage!
When something seemed dreadful, my spirit spoke within me, “I can handle anything.” Now, I am not prone to handling anything! Sometimes trying to figure out what to cook for dinner makes me want to nap instead. I know that Jesus is near when I need Him. I don’t NEED Him to help me cook dinner. I need Him to help me face dead babies, children with illnesses I cannot medicate, funerals and robbers shooting people. I need him to help me hold Gladys down as she screams when Dr. Kennedy goes through lancing all the swollen puss pockets all over her scalp. I need Him to help me trust that others will hear my voice and respond generously. I stay focused on Him or I would just sit down and cry. Instead, I work another day and another. And I pray that you will give.
I have promised God I would give more, serve more, love more, die more. It is my privilege and it is my joy.
Perhaps God stirs you to join me over there, but you must be ready to sacrifice. We will not entertain you and we won’t always put you to work. You can only serve when there is opportunity and most of the time you just wait. Americans find African time disturbing but I enjoy it. In the USA, if you are late, it is your fault. Not in Kenya! It is a way of life, so relax into it. Do what you CAN. Love others. Take the time to build relationships rather than accomplish feats. Just hang out. Just laugh. Just smile. Stop thinking you are important. Visit the children in the preschool. They just like to see you. They like to touch you and look in your eyes for a real person. Are you in there? You have to be really there to enjoy Kenya. And oh it is beautiful. The people are beautiful. Tragedy does not stop them. They move through gracefully somehow that defies imagination. They cry when they mean it and they don’t cry otherwise. I want to grow to be like them. I’m learning.
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