Mr. Handsome

Here is my handsome.

Some things are complicated. Some friends are worried that I am not doing the right thing and wondered if I had gotten pastoral counseling about going. Mr. Handsome assured them that we had prayed and considered the affect on our family. Mr. Handsome is a bit distressed by this, but since we are not conforming to normal wifey expectations, it is sure to rock the boat in various places. So I take the chance to re-examine myself again---but I know that some people are going to be uncomfortable with our decision. I am resolved to that. I will try and be patient and tolerant and maybe the next woman who tries such a thing will find support due to my success. It's a growing process for all of us.

Expensive apartments

This apartment is charging over 1100. Yuk!

Little Northern City

I am home and need to do schoolwork, which I am avoiding. It is always there anyway and somehow I get it all done. I am about to publish the survey to the web so that friends and family can take the survey for me. I am supposed to try to control the group somehow, so I am not sure how I will do that. I am not to use just a convenience sample, but I don't know how I would get other participants. I've got to complete this if I want to graduate, however, so I will spend a good deal of time thinking about it.....soon.

The picture below is one of the apartments that did not have any units to show. I was going to sign with them, but if they can't even show me one, then I figured it is better not to. There was plenty of undergraduate type pedestrian traffic going on all around the area and plenty of females walking all over the place by themselves--I thought it a good sign. I am just not used to seeing many pedestrians unless they are walking their dogs, babies, or jogging. They don't really ever seem to be going anywhere--just leisure. I don't walk anywhere myself.

This apartment complex would have had some odd place to do laundry---and plenty of undergrads to fight with for a turn. And the parking was out in the back alley. Being old, it might have been roachy, but it definitely had a certain charm I found appealing.
However, I am completely taken with the place I chose. For nearly a similar price, I get an underground heated garage and my own washer/dryer in unit. It is only a couple more blocks further from my building and is populated with professionals and maybe 20% graduate students. So I came home with mission accomplished and I feel very good about it. There won't be any safety worries there. It's very nice. Huge differences in quality and price there. Some average places were WAY overpriced and some okay places were very reasonable (but far away). There were trade-offs for each option.
The one I chose has little personality and is not as close as the Castle Tower one and is more expensive, but again---is new, with adults, underground garage, and washer/dryer. I love it!

Nervous

MrTexasRivers is wonderful. He is very supportive.
I've found a place to rent, it just so happens to be on the very same street that my great-grandfather lived on in 1929. Did I already know he was in that city? He was at 1645 of the street and I will be at 1930. Tomorrow when I take the paperwork, I will see what is at that place and take a photo. This area had a very large population increase in 1920-1930 of wealthy folks building very big houses. My grandfather had just sold his company for almost 1 million, so I guess he had plenty to throw around!
I've chosen a very nice place because it seems so very safe. It has a heated garage, high speed internet, and a small washer/dryer combo in the apartment---a tremendous plus in my book. The bath is new (everything is new, it is only a couple of years old) and it all reminds me of my house at home---which is very comforting. I could get something less, but this is only about 3/4 mile from my building--door to door.
The location is not perfect---but every other option but the lower priced undergrad housing which is adorable but would be very roachy with only outdoor parking is farther away. I did like one about the same distance but very old and crumbly, but with very large closets--and about the same high price! No parking either. There is a good one on the other side of the little downtown, but I am going with this one. It has the heated garage, no snow build up.

There is so much to think of. So much to arrange. I must be brave! I can do it!

Apartments

Oh boy. Went looking at apartments today. Actually, since it was Sunday, we only got to go in ONE. But we were almost in another one, but they guy went into the city and someone else looked at it and locked it when they left.
I am going to have to lower my expectations. I really wanted a cute pottery barn style one bedroom or something. Instead, it reminded me of the roachy place I moved in after getting married. YUK!
But there is this cute one which is like a big castle and it has this swiss element like my childhood home in California. Together it makes for a fav for me and Steve. They allow pets, it is in walking distance to my school building--say 5 blocks or 1/2 mile total! It has parking and it is right by the train line. So, I think I'm going to go there. But I'll still look at everything tomorrow.
I appreciated the realtors who showed me around, Carmen and Melissa. They were great. Melissa is the wife of an MBA student, she has her own MBA from Georgetown University. Cool. Wow. It is funny how I am so impressed with such things. I am not one to be easily impressed. I am so egalitarian, but I see I must be an intellectual snob at heart because I just swoon at the smart people! (well, not exactly, but I do not get that excited about movie stars, nor presidents, nor any kind of famous person, but I am SO impressed when someone comes from a good college! How weird is THAT?? Oh, I like when people are jewish, too)

Missing my baby

My honey is in Dallas while I wake up in a hotel by myself. Can I imagine doing this regularly? No. I called him, he says, "Can I stay in bed another 30 minutes?". I love him. He's funny. How funny he would ask. So of course I say yes.

But he DID need to get S's medicine to her. She cannot wake and play very good in the morning --and I thought maybe this would help---but she isn't going to get it for a while, I see. He really DOES have a terrible time getting up in the morning and really needs his coffee. I am not there to make it. He can do it without me, yes, but he does like it when I make it for him and bring him a tall hot cup of coffee made to his specifications and prepare a carafe for work (or a thermos).

I watched TV last night and even this morning. (animal planet and news). I do that at hotels occasionally since the TV is right there in front of you. I like to watch the news every now and then or when there is a disaster. I don't watch at home because the whole TV system is so convoluted. We have several different remotes and I do not know how to manage the TiVo system to get to the right channel. I do not bother to learn and I do not bother to watch. I might watch with someone else-- if it happens to capture my attention when I come speak to the watcher. When my youngest is watching, it is always something really crazy. She has off-beat interests, fo sho.

So I hope I do not do that regularly when I live alone. Today I will see if I can live alone. It does seem so far fetched, yet, I think about my mom doing that same thing when she was around 46. My sister lived by herself for a while before she was married and had children. But I have not lived by myself and it is hard to imagine. Seems so lonely! and what if I whine and whine at Steve?

I can't wait to get out there, though. I'll go a little early and drive around. It takes quite a while to get there.
I can't wait to see some places! It will be so fun and exciting---and scary! But I will be brave. You can't get anything by sitting around safe all the time--even then the house could catch on fire or the ceiling fall in on you, etc. Many dangerous accidents are in the home. But I think the idea of crime on the street is the scary one. There was a recent grad student that died--but she was leaving a bar in the wee hours and alone. That's not very wise. I don't go to bars and I plan not to go around alone. Mr can come once a month and take me for the big grocery shopping--I'll learn to do it that way when I've got someone to help me tote it all. Then I'll use the nearby (and costly) Whole Foods for fresh vegetables and fruits. And the drugstore for milk and coke. I saw several drugstores and such. It should be fine. I will decide this week what I think about having K come with me. It will so depend on the layout of the apartments. We will so need our own space! And the cost. I think the cost may be prohibitive. The 2 bedrooms are over 1500 and I cannot afford that. I need to stick at 1000-1200 and no more than 1300 total--God willing. But I am open to more expensive ones--but it will cost my family and I will be spending so much in clothes, travel, and books that I want to minimize the living expenses.

I'll try and take some pictures today.
Blessings to my friends and family. God is GOOD! I will go speak to Him......

Not so bad here

Hi Y'all. I'm esconced in my northern suite.
I cannot talk to the Mr. because he is in Dallas with the vball team and he took them to see Medieval Knights. We were going to take S's varsity team, but there never turned out to be a good time to do it. So now she is taking this team. It is a much smaller group, so that saves some money and S gets her sweet 16 birthday all over again.
When I call him or he calls me, I cannot even hear what he is saying through the din coming through. And I cannot yell in my room (nor the halls) in order for him to hear me. So I will wait until he is back to his room, likely near midnight.

I got here and got my rental car, no problem. I got my hotel room no problem. And I drove 12+ miles to the college city away from the big hub of the big city.
There was still a little light in the sky when I got there. I could tell so much more after having visited once and scoured maps and websites since then. It did seem to be very safe. Very many people walking along in a relaxed manner and many alone. Since it is Saturday night, perhaps that explains an uncommon amount of couples. I don't usually see so many couples---but it could be that I miss my other half--and so I was attending to couples more than usual. Time will tell.

I got lost coming back. I was so glad I bought and brought a compass! Because I really did get turned around---and so I had to go AGAINST my intuition and go in the correct direction that the compass said. And so through many harrowing adventures, I found place that was familiar.
I am very close to my rental car return---even though I will probably not be checking out of the hotel and going straight there that day (tuesday) cause my flight doesn't leave until around 7 or 6:30===so I will take the car by around 5 or 4:30 (because the airport here is very very large unlike the simple one at home).

But I really do appreciate the direct flights here. And it is on American Airlines S80, which is big enough. There are five seats across--a set of two and a set of three. Mr. likes the ones with only three across, one and a set of two--because those do have more leg room. He doesn't mind the extra turbulence, but I DO! It was rough going up and down today, I'm not sure why. On my last flight here, it was a breeze--both ways. Excellent flying.

So I cannot email my friend Cindy! She is heading back to the southern state where we both lived before, but I cannot access my normal email. If you are reading this Cindy... I sure miss hearing from you and writing! It is so good to have you online most of the time. And I have your phone numbers ----but they are only for the place where YOU WILL NOT BE. So I cannot call. But you can call my cell phone if you have it with you--anytime after 10. And that goes for anyone! If you read my blog---feel free to call me between 10 and midnight on Saturday (now), Sunday and Monday night! It would be great to hear from you!

Headed North

Well, hopefully, I won't run into this!

I freaked out last night when I went to check taxi fare to the airport. It was $44! So I had told my friend B not to worry about taking me since she had a business appt, but I decline her hubby's services. I figured I'd call some folks, but I waited too long (not good about calls!) and then figured I'd use the taxi. Then sent out a help! Then sent out a "nevermind" since I decided to drive myself and park at the airport. But then she had already responded to the help email---but I did not check email before sending out the nevermind. Can you get all of that? Yeah, confusing. Stupid me! And I nag Steve about not thinking ahead???? HA!

My niece in Jackson, MS is better and has gone home.

Laura is putting her deposit down on an apt for the fall, then she goes with Mr. to the vball tournament of her sister--who has gotten her ADHD meds and is very excited to begin taking them today. More on that later. I wish I had not delayed so long.

Some friends are very concerned that I am heading to the university. Sad and concerned about my family..... So is my brother and a very close friend in Tennessee. I realize it is not common for the wife to go off for her ambitions---so I see why people question the wisdom. But yes, we've prayed through it all and examined the costs--relational and financial---to our family. And we are moving forward confidently that this is a priviledge, a blessing and a temporary work situation that will be hard work but bring rewards in the long run.

Mr had some very very good feedback concerning his position with the company and we are certain that we are maintaining that employment. I've mentioned this to some of you in emails, but I haven't emailed as much since I can write on here--yet I know most of you won't check it regularly---but that keeps me from bugging you with my lengthy words. I must say, I am a big talker (maybe? ha ha).

I had hoped to philosophize on here, but it seems hard to do. First, I have to catch myself when I am actually thinking deep---second, I had no idea it was so infrequent! Third, I usually want to converse verbally when the ideas strike. So I have those things against me expounding on this blog.

It seems much of my thoughts are fairly trivial concerning such things as, "Who is taking S to vball? What are we having for dinner? Does my car have gas in it? What time do I need to be there? Wish I could have a party." and such thoughts.

I have to get ready to fly. I do hate flying. It makes me sick. But I love travel, so what am I to do? I go. And I keep going. And I hope I never have to stop.

PRAISE THE LORD

I am very happy to finally get a picture back up on my blog! I really have personally enjoyed the photo feature tremendously. This is just one of my pictures from Art.com. I was trying to stick one on there in vain hope---and wallah! It appeared!......

I am going to Brazil!
My friend Allison went and happily came home with many lovely leather sandals. We will be going for our 23rd anniversary in the last week of May. I don't know what I will do about my youngest. Mr has to go for his work. He is going with his boss and two of his direct reports. He does not like to travel---yet the job he is aspiring to---and will embark upon within 18 months (probably 12)---is meetings, speaking, and travel. (the things he does not enjoy). Yet he truly does enjoy the compensation and it has certainly made our lives easier.

My youngest wants to go to Belize. There is a mission trip on the first week of May. She okayed it with some of her teachers who said that if she wrote a paper about her experience, they would count it as a learning experience and give her credit. Her grades are so low right now that I am shocked they would say such a thing, but I am thankful that they would encourage her. Two of her long time friends are going and some others. I pray that all works out. We'll see. She does want to do the summer Africa mission to the orphanage. If we can, we'll send her on both of those. The church is going to have them do some fund raising in order to go---that will be good for my youngest as she does not generally have to work for anything. We will either have her in summer school or a summer job. Both girls need to do work or school this summer.

There are some rough things happening in Mr's family. His sister's daughter, of whom I am particularly fond of---is in a tough situation. It is very troubling. I feel okay about it, like it will turn out alright, but I felt that way when Brandon was in ICU. I thought it would be alright. So now I know my feelings aren't so trustworthy, but I am helpless to do anything....the longer I can stay in a positive frame of mind, the better.

I have decided not to bother with my graduation ceremony. It just seems to hard with so many things happening. Since Brandon died, I just prioritize things much easier. If it isn't absolutely necessary, then it goes--unless I WANT to do it. I suppose that part of crisis and trauma are a bit easier than regular life when it seems that all the demands are competing equally and you are failing if you don't meet all your standards and expectations. Yet during a crisis---survival is good enough to satisfy. Our crisis is over, but it still has ramifications.

I'm reading Dan McAdams book, The Redemptive Self: Stories Americans Live By. He expounds on American optimism, our rags-to-riches stories, our stories of recovery, of salvation, of redemption. In one sentence, he mentions that the sinner repents and becomes pure--even if only for that moment. That really caught my attention. He narrows it down to a moment. I suppose that is true. Yet I long for that purity. I hunger and thirst for righteousness and in that moment of communion with God, I find that. Life must be pure at some level, the soul longs for purity, for wholesomeness. I want my life to have purpose, meaning. To give to others. To be strengthened to give. It has to be that our life has purpose or why wouldn't we all kill ourselves when we met with pain and disappointment. Yet, somehow, we know it is wrong and an abberation---even though the Chinese and the Japanese may find some nobility in it for certain causes---to avoid shame--it is not the order of the day in their lives either. They go on living through pain and shame, like we all do. We work for a better world, try to make our world orderly and helpful.
True, the American way of life is so self-centered and materialistic. I have found this to be true in my own life. When I was young and in love, I reasoned that "stuff" didn't matter to me, that only the ideal of true love mattered and that love was sacrificial. It took a long time for such noble feelings to wear off, but they did. Practical life has needs. Going without sucks. Hard work without reward gets old. But I am still an idealist at heart and God satisfies my need for the ideal love. (and Mr has kept our love fresh, hence the 23 years!)

Another thing McAdams wrote about was highly generative adults. They tend to have life narratives that show ambivalence between their needs for power and intimacy. Isn't that everyone? It sure has been an issue for me. In order to give myself to my schooling, which will allow me to have influence into other's lives (read "power" although it took study for me to see it), I had to learn to go without the intimacy of my many friends, whom I love dearly. I so enjoyed the times when we met regularly and supported each other regularly ---or even just had fun together regularly.
I don't even make it to CHURCH regularly during Volleyball season! and that is where I am getting my friendship intimacy needs met--through my home group---and I was getting it through my triad. But I am hardly even with anyone anymore--but I cannot manage all those people and juggle all their lives. My prayer list is short and I rely more on spontaneous remembrance than repeated daily intercession for the multitude of issues I know my loved ones are dealing with. I spend most of my emotional efforts on just my little family of five (well, that includes me)---and they surprisingly, take a lot of time! (maybe just because I am considering moving away and I am noticing how much they rely on me--even daily! )

In the end, I trust God. I rely on Him and I put one foot in front of the other. I obey His Will where it is clear to me (mostly) and I ask forgiveness when I clearly consider myself to be transgressing. I cannot fathom all my sins of omission--too many to be sure!--but I entrust my soul and my salvation to Him alone. He is the author and finisher of my faith. He is the one who has taken me through many doors and given me my dreams. Why spoil me so? I do not deserve it. I suppose anyone who knows me could attest to that! How unworthy of God's greatness are His creatures, yet He exalts us through His Son. We become one with Him. He lives within us. He moves through us to touch one another. How great is the Body of Christ!

Computer trouble

My computer is having trouble opening a second window. I tried to click on the link to stick a photo on this blog and the window won't even open. When I click on links in email, the window will not open. This is a job for Best Buy's Geek Squad!

Why do email writers want their little stories to keep going? Why do they say things such as: don't break this chain, send it to eight people within 10 minutes, if you delete this-you do not love Jesus (I delete it and tell Jesus I love Him and please bless the manipulative sinner who wrote that).....I mean, what do these people have at stake that they MUST demand that others continue forwarding their creations? It always amazes me.

Whenever I DO send out one of the cute ones---I delete the part about keeping it going. I sent out one about women ruling the world that I got from B, but I DID keep the "send it out to make a woman's day" or something like that...because it wasn't so demanding.
AND.....I am complaining about how it will say...."This one is really funny" or "you have to read this" or when you scroll for the punch line and it says, "you're going to love this" and stuff. That detracts from the humor and is so lame. So remember, you heard it here, and you know it is true, those are likely your feelings too (well that rhymes!)---the jokes are best without all the stuff stuck around them.

Ok. enough ranting.
L came home AGAIN last night and is missing class today. She has a counseling appt today at 5 here in the city. I have tried to get her to make counseling appts up there too. We are beginning to push her to get back into normal life and stop just dragging around. She's got to switch her sleep cycle. She's got to get a job in the summer or go to community college. She's saying she wants to go to community college near her university in the fall. That school has a program that applies to her main university and so she wants to live in an apartment there and go to community college to get her GPA back up.===as it is falling rapidly. We'll see. She's going to have to prove she can go to some classes or else she'll have to stay home.

Off to do some work.

No Photos Today

Not sure what is up with my blog, but I cannot load photos. I'll send them out through Kodak Gallery as soon as I can manage to do that. One thing at a time.

I made into Kappa Gamma Pi, a national Catholic college graduate honor society. I am elgible to apply for a 3000 grad scholarship. That would be nice.

I fly North on Saturday to check out apts. I want to see if I can afford one and have K with me. They may be too cramped. I need to check distances and see how hard it seems to get to my building. They do have a campus escort. I'll probably use them a lot in the first year.

L is still not making it to class in the mornings as she cannot wake up. This is troubling. She doesn't want to just come home, though, but she spends a LOT of money going back and forth everywhere. I know it would be rough on her to feel trapped (if we said, no more driving around due to cost). We told her she has to get a summer job. A good friend has offered to get her into radio, so she may do that. She is still feeling quite confused sometimes and disoriented to life.

More than that, she is thinking of going to the community college in her university town, BUT have us pay for her apartment. I'm thinking....if she doesn't want to go to the expensive school--she can go to the community college here in town! But I know that is not what she wants. It is hard to know, at this point, what we should do. Previously, she won all her priviledges by getting herself into college---but now her behavior is down---but for a good reason---so how to decide?? At what point do we call her accountable? Real life goes on for everyone who loses someone, sadly. For now, we are letting everything slide and just waiting and helping.

We did get our suitcases at 8pm last night--praise the Lord--and everything was in them.

Onto the continual paper writing and making sure everything gets done in different arenas....

Very Cold in Denver

We woke in the morning to find the ground covered in snow. The wind was blowing it sideways, but the little bunnies in the bushes near the parking lot were still hopping around, so they were obviously used to it.
We got to the airport very early because it took so much time to get the rental back. But our plane was still an hour late taking off because we had to get de-iced. They power-sprayed the plane with chemicals.
I was not very pleased we were in a small plane. At least it was not a prop, but it scared me. Sure enough, the ride was more bumpy, so I took some extra dramamine---never a good idea if you want to remain coherent.
When we arrived in St. Louis (all flights had been booked full weeks before, so we took an odd route), our plane had already left the airport! Mr. was livid. AA could not book us on any other flight home as they were all booked. Our best option--if we were to travel together, was to wait until morning. So she SAID she would arrange to get our luggage sent to the baggage claim area, but it never arrived. We waited a couple of hours!
We decided to head in to try to get on standby--even though many other people were on standby already. But when we were with a ticketing agent (the first class one---since we are platinum members of AA), by God's abundant grace FIVE spots opened up suddenly!!!!! She booked us and we were on the 7pm flight headed home!!!!
Well, our luggage---who knows. They thought it was sent on to Austin, but when we got to Austin, they didn't know where it was. They said it would be sent home to us around midnight---but no one came at midnight. It is 11 am and still no luggage.
If God can get us home in one day, He can bring our luggage. I trust He has it all under control---because I sure do not.

Bodyworlds.com

I was almost there--- www.bodyworlds.com
There is an exhibition in Denver--check out the link. The snowstorm will keep me away!
Since we were in a very expensive hotel, far from the airport, and with a pending snowstorm on the way, I felt it imperative that we position ourselves closer to the airport. From noon to one, we were checking out of the Oxford hotel and getting set up at the Red Roof Inn (it is actually a very nice room with all the amenities!). I almost got Mr. to take me to the Museum of Nature and Science where they had the outrageously cool plasticized cadavers! WOW! Instead, wisdom took over. I cannot have him drop me off at the museum because we have to make sure Coach and three other girls without parents make it to the airport for a 7pm take off.
He goes back downtown to get them at 3 and then takes them to the airport (where our hotel is now and where I will be waiting for them so they have room enough to fit in the car together). He would have had time to take them to the airport and come back to get me --IF THE WEATHER WAS NICE!!
But we are from Austin---so it just won't do for us to get caught in a snowstorm! Dang it. I was so close.
They do have an exhibition in Houston. I don't know when I'll ever find the time to go. But do yourself a favor and check out bodyworlds.com
You will be glad you did! It is a very important show.

Denver Colorado

We had some rain last night and the city brought out the snow plows and set them on the street. Hopefully, we will not get snowed in today. Our plane doesn't leave until tomorrow.

The team did fantastic. We won every game yesterday and made it into the gold/silver bracket. We played against a very very strong team and they beat us. That put us in the 17 to 32 spot with 16 other teams. There are around 130+ teams playing here, so that is a high rank. It will help us tremendously when they place us in the playing schedules at the Lone Star Tournament (they say, ....when they seed our pool play).

We only had one setter and she was injured. She went off the court and my S had to play as the setter because she was the only one on the court who could do it. She did a GREAT JOB!!! I was so proud of her!!! Our setter was determined to get back in the game and sure enough, came back to bring us to victory. It is a great feather in her cap as she was the only setter in this whole tournament because our other one was home with the flu. After that injury, my S and another girl had to play certain rotations so that there was always one of them on the court unless the setter had to pull out. That made for less play time, but it was for a strategic reason, so S kept a good attitude. The 8 girls here get along great and everyone had a really fun time.

We went out to eat with two other moms and the coach. We (steve and i) ate at the parents table and all the girls together at the Aquarium in Denver.

Now it is the last day and we'll see how they manage this altitude after three days. They've all been great. It's been fun. My migraine did not return---I started back on my blood pressure pills just to be sure.

We've had a great time walking back and forth from the hotel to the convention center. It is only about 2 miles---which I normally would not walk. But the buses that run along the 16th street mall are so slow, that when we are waiting for them, I want to walk. We end up beating the buses. There are about 15 blocks? and then about four blocks---however far that is. It is not too bad and takes around 25 minutes walking fast. I've really enjoyed that. We walk back and forth a few times a day. It has really helped me enjoy the tournament. Plus, I've gotten 2 ten minute massages at the convention center.

Laura is doing alright at home. I think it has been rough without us there! But she is learning her way and we are proud of her. Her friends are keeping an eye on her and taking her out. One friend is taking her to church today.

I wish I was going to church today. I'll be sure and have church in my heart.

In Denver with a Migraine

I'm in a beautiful hotel in downtown Denver with a major migraine and cannot go anywhere. S is here to play volleyball.

Feeling rough, but made it through the 14th

ok, so this picture has nothing to do with anything. I am sick today. Head cold. Mild, but I think hypochodria or a drama gene has gotten to me. I feel overwhelmed. But PRAISE THE LORD and thank you for any prayers regarding Laura and yesterday the 14th. She made it through the one month anniversary and she did very well. We set up a counseling appt for her and I found the location so that she only has to go there on Thursday. We fly out to Colorado with S for her vball tournament....steve picked a 6am flight. We waited too long to book and they were all full. It will be very cold there. I need to pack and I am so not up to it. I am behind on schoolwork, but I am ALWAYS behind, especially since I always want to be ahead (therefore, if I am not fully ahead or done, then I am behind. Flawed logic I suppose, but emotions run amok at times--this is how I manage to keep up my grades. Threats of flogging.)
But Laura will be on her own for five days. God bless her and protect her. She does seem to be okay right now, but that is because we always wait on her, tend to her, and care for her. We listen and provide understanding and keep that horrible lonely feeling at bay. I pray she turns to the Lord, who is with her always! I pray Jerry and Linda are comforted and strengthened. So many people suffering in the world. I hope I can provide some small comforts somewhere. I pray I get well so I can handle the cold in Colorado! But might as well get used to it.

Pictoral tribute to Brandon's life

Brandon

She loves this picture because she says he was staring at her so sweet at this moment.

"I love his face", she said.

www.nabingers.com

A pictoral tribute to Brandon. By Chuck Nabinger whose son played soccer with Brandon through the years. This is how his family remembers him.

It takes a long time to load. I suggest going online and then taking a break before looking at it--so that all the pictures can be received. It is worth it. There aren't any of Laura on this site--She was a late addition to his life. I think there are a couple of pictures she took, though. 1 or 2.

Big Dreams

Contribute to humanity. I have a dream. When I get discouraged by racial or social class disparity, I do try and remember how far we've come. But there is so far to go!

My tall white son tells me of a TV show where a black family and a white family trade places. The white man says that sometimes the expectation of the black people cause trouble to come to them (I do not remember the quote---that is the gist of it). My son thinks that there is some truth to that.
My tall white son says this and I am so discouraged.

When has he known prejudice? He is not a female and he is not dark. He is the priviledged. My husband is too. They cannot know how it feels to be dismissed due to your skin. I really would not have known either because I was raised in California and my parents never subjected me to prejudice discussions. I moved to Louisiana at age 12 to find that you were either black or white--and I was white there. But when I moved to Texas--I had a couple of occasions (three for sure) where someone thought I was hispanic in a derogatory way....and believe me, I knew it immediately. Now, I was so shocked by the unspoken but obvious prejudice, I did not bring it on myself by expecting it to occur. Even then, I was outraged, but did not want to justify their prejudice by denying that I was hispanic. But I admit that it made me ashamed of my skin. And want to be white. and not understand how these things happen. and I realized that the black people in LA, MS, and AR were not dramatizing the problem---they KNEW in their guts when someone dissed them.

So I want to help underrepresented minorities to succeed in the academic field. As I succeed, I will mentor others and be the pipeline for faculty representation matching undergraduate graduation rates.....and I'd like to improve that too! More on that soapbox later, but I get SOOO upset at the white men and women who angrily say that they have "made" it by their hard work and that blacks have the same opportunities. Baloney.

How shallow can I be?

Today I am discouraged that my blog is so plain. Why aren't I having what I THOUGHT was my usual deep thoughts?

I was considering people who have what I call a victim spirit and what can also be called stories of contamination. Related to the way people tell their autobiographical episodes. Whenever someone tells you a story of their life--any story at any time--they have chosen the particular story to share. It stands out in their memory among all the millions of events they have experienced and it is often relevent to whatever the conversation or the context of the moment may be. Most stories are socially acceptable if they have a beginning, middle, and end--so when someone wants to tell you about something that happened in their life, they will frame it in such a way.
Some people often share stories of how they managed to triumph, some tell stories of how close they were to someone, others maybe how they got away with some trickery, others make jokes of their difficulties---but the ones I was thinking of today would be the whiners.

I don't mean it in a derogatory way. Anyone who has seen me tired knows that I am a whiner! Big Time! I'm just labeling.

I think some people cannot find a way to be successful in this society by society's standards. They may --or may not-- want to, but they can't. And so they come up with reasons why they are never able to make it. It is always someone's fault. Someone to blame. Another bad unforeseen circumstance that kept them from rising up. It is better than just saying they are lazy. That is very unAmerican.

That is NOT to say that poor or unsuccessful people are lazy. As I have traversed social classes, I find incredible an incredible work ethic in the whole range of socio-economic classes. For the poor, though, there are GENUINE setbacks related to financial situations.

When you are a single mother working a wage job and someone runs into your car--you have a BIG problem. For the middle class, it is a major irritation and there will be concern and consolation all around--shoot, the insurance hassles alone get sympathetic murmurings. But the single mother? She loses her job! Then what? And in the old days, she may not have even had insurance. So no car, no nothing. No one helping her pay to go to the doctor to see about her neck. No chiropractor visits to get it all aligned nicely.

But I mean the men and women who have so much potential, but really are not interested in using it. We are such a gung-ho society where you have to "Be All That You Can Be" but that can be very hard.

For my personal situation, I always hated framing my life in terms of early marriage and pregnancy. Not that I was ashamed of my man or my boy! Not at all! But .....it isn't RIGHT to go marrying at age 17. It isn't RIGHT to have a baby when you are 18. (at least I was NOT pregnant when I married----I've gotten those assuming looks, though). Yet for me, these events defined my life. I did not go to college and instead planned the next child. When she was one, I was headed to nursing school---feeling that I was right on time and doing okay after all---AND THEN! Here comes baby three.

Well, if that was the best pregnancy, the most supportive birthing environment, and the sweetest little newborn. But I had to face the fact that I was only 24 years old and had THREE CHILDREN---gosh, what a hick! Thankfully, the mister headed into school himself and not a moment too soon.

So I understood people telling the story of how they just can't make it because of this or that. I was THERE. When I was 29, I was freaking. WHAT HAVE I DONE WITH MY LIFE???? Besides, I thought Jesus would have come back before I turned 30. I guess I didn't plan to get so old.....and when I DID plan.....I was thinking, "Well, I guess I can just be a mom forever because I don't see how I will ever do anything with three---and then the fourth, too"

So in my story, I hit the bottom there. Realized I was FULLY invested in mothering and it was not really what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, but how to extricate myself from the entire world I had built around me. The ideal mommy role was very hard to shake. Even as I pushed towards school, the competing demands of family, pulled me back.

I envied those women who can do it all. How do they? If I am only doing one thing, I can do that well, but I cannot be all things to all people. I had to let most of my social life go in order to make school time. I had to give up church work---which I find EXTREMELY satisfying--in order to focus. My mister had to take up some of my slack---which he has done very well.

But it has been so hard that I see why some women just don't want to. Now, I cannot understand how anyone can stand just sitting at home watching TV. I thought I would die when my life was full of TV.

Now I am feeling successful by societies standards. Man, if I can stay sane enough to pull this off, I will be getting my DREAM JOB---how cool is that??? TOO COOL!! Thank You Lord. AND for the most part, my children are doing good---of course, L is a bit down right now--but that is temporary and to be expected.

By the way, I am thinking that K is not going to go north with me. He is so stubborn! And he likes the heat way down.

I was really trying to tell a story, but we have company and everyone is running around me. L's friend brought her female dog and our Motz is going NUTZO, bezerk and other similar words.
My thoughts have gone disjointed. More about contamination stories later. It was supposed to be deep thoughts and it turned into rambling AGAIN.

I am praying for A.H. to have peace. I am praying for J.P's man to get that job! I am praying for C.T. to get that thesis done, approved and LOVED BY EVERYONE ---along with good jobs and lots of money--I am praying for C.H. that she gets time to herself. I am praying for C.G. for blessings in her job. I am praying for T.L. to be comforted and supported by her man and that their relationship prosper. I am praying for W.T.C. that his nose heals. I am praying for M.C. that his house closes successfully. I am praying for D.C. that she is blessed in her job and that they value her. I am praying for H.S. that she is able to get her schoolwork organized and finished before the appointed time so that she can get her bosses position. I am praying for L.R. that she will press towards Jesus for comfort. I am praying for S.R. that her moods are stable! I am praying for K.R. that his job recognize him for all his achievements and allow him to do the job he chooses. I am praying for S.R. that he continue to find favor at work. I am praying for S. R. that she gets her papers written and finishes her degree with a 4.0.
In Jesus' name, Amen.

Just run me over (ok....JESUS! HELP!)

Not a good day. Woke up crying from a dream that there was cocaine stuff in L's dorm room ---it was someone else's---but when I confronted her, she just blew it off because "everyone" does it. In real waking life, she told me that all the girls at her school do it to be skinny. (they also throw up all their food---Laura did not appear to be doing either).

She keeps wanting to die and it is rubbing off on me. My own personal strength is ebbing. I headed to church on Sunday just as the in-laws pulled up into the driveway--I lost the opportunity to go. I am searching for that inner strength and relying on God to get me through. I am exhausted. I do not know how to recharge right now.

She will be home all week. In fact, we have to leave her on Thursday to go to Colorado for a vball tournament for S. She will have a friend come stay with her and we will get K to come stay at the house.....but we will worry about her.

We have to wonder if we should let her go back to the same college in the fall. Maybe she needs to stay here. She needs counseling and has not yet set up the appointment at school. I tried to do it for her, but they wouldn't let me---confidentiality. (oh brother)

I have plenty of homework that keeps getting farther and farther behind. On one hand, I know that I can get to a deadline and God will pull some miracles for me---but I prefer to work ahead so that I have wiggle room when life hits. Yet, I have now lost all wiggle room and am feeling extremely behind.

I dropped one voluntary project, to the disappointment of a professor, but I still have two classes left (finished the third with an A! Still have a 4.0) and two big projects. Within those four commitments is one big experiment, a long observation of four different aged children, the papers for both of those, a large wall sized poster representation of the face research I did in the summer and a big time re-write of the research I did in the fall with the life episodes and personality. All this finished within a month. And L needs to stay home most days. I can't conceive of when I can get the neccessary time alone to accomplish all of that. I need HOURS AND HOURS to write papers---I'm just that slow.

Just a really hard day. I look forward to Sunday. I think I might go shopping today. Then by Monday, I might be a whole new woman. Ready to take on the world.

I do pray I am able to rise above circumstances. The loss of Brandon brings such grief. It is terrible when it hits us. Laura had a bad night last night. I understand that. Tuesday will be the fourteenth. NOT a good day. It will be hard. We may call his parents just to let them know we are thinking of them.

If there was not a God, this life would be so worthless. I'm thankful to know Jesus. There was a time I did not----everything WAS empty and useless. But He brings life and comfort into every situation.
I pray He lift up my family and friends today and reveal Himself to all of us in His love and kindness.

Losing patience

I'm losing patience. I don't have a picture that represents "angry" so we'll just go with this one. Kinda scary, huh? Never a good day when I see this.....
.......and again, today has highs and lows. What IS this with my life? I suppose I need to be thankful for the HIGHS because I have been there when I was hard pressed to find any good in my life (or at least in my attitude).
My Mr got a great award today. Celebration for his global project. Dang, he's a good boy!
But then L came home with tales of woe and what happened last PM. I've got one nerve left and she's standing on it (read that on a t-shirt once and it sure is a good description of many many situations).

I think I am going to run away. Really. But then I remember I really AM going to run away. So I might as well just wait! Ha! That's pretty funny. How many moms get to run away on a GOOD scenerio. Hey, just to give credit to the bad ones----IT IS SO EASY TO UNDERSTAND SOMETIMES!!

I remember when my children were small. And I would want to just beat them! I'd imagine putting them in some cushy chairs, sticking duct tape over their mouths and then using some good rope or twine to tie them around and around like in the westerns. Then I could just go take a nap or something. Now----I never did such a thing, so no worries, but every now and then I would wish that it wasn't so socially unacceptable! :-)

Worse, my favorite wish was automobile cattle prods in individual seats of my minivan. You know, stuck up under the seat cushion. Then, with a simple grid on my dash, representing each seat, I would not have to threaten to pull over and give some offending child a spanking. Rather, I could calmly warn ---and if there was not the adaquate response--ZAP! A big shocker to the booty.
No, instead I had to rely on pulling over and actually spanking some child about once every 18 months---because by then they had forgotten that I meant it---so it became neccessary. And it didn't have to be any big deal of a spanking, just the whole drama of it sort of got them back in line. My children were not the comatose type, but they weren't wild Indians, either. Everyone needs a little craziness to make life fun--but if Mom has a headache WATCH OUT!!

Fortunately for my children, I didn't start getting migraines until maybe after the youngest was born or after we got N. And even then, it wasn't a big deal until S was about 6. But THEN---OUCH.

So I am trying to stay awake to pick up child number 3. I've taken to reading someone else's blog every few days and they are quite interesting. If it is a wild young person, it is pretty interesting. Many are students, and I always find that interesting. And the most boring has to be the moms. Dang. That would be ME.

But as I drove home from somewhere last night, I was thinking........who gets to have all of their dreams come true??? ME!!! And I laughed happy. (then I remembered that I am fat ---so, I suppose you cannot have everything because in spite of the shallow nature of my wish--I would like to be about 115 pounds, very healthy, and very fashionable ) But I can live with out those things.

Maybe next time I'll try making another poem or something. Mostly I just drivel on like this.
That's just me. BLAH BLAH BLAH and enjoying it all.

HE is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine! His power is at work within me!
He daily bears my burdens! He establishes the work of my hands! The Lord is my strength and my song!

Children's Thinking

Thursday morning. I have to read some heavy chapters. So far I have already read Piajet's theory of development, information-processing theories of development, and sociocultural theories of development. Then I read perceptual development, language development, memory development, and conceptual development. I wrote a paper on each one of those last four.

Now I have read The development of social cognition, and still have to read problem solving and The development of academic skills. Then I must write a paper on each of those chapters. It is very technical information and I'm finding it difficult to stay focused. With all that has happened, my concentration abilities are way down. I find myself reading SO SLOW and then not always remembering what I read---unusual for me. I am too lazy to painstakingly write out notes as I read--although that is a foolproof way to remember what you read. So I am just marking up the book (not high-lighting, as that is EXTREMELY INEFFECTIVE!) but I am circling words, underlining, re-writing comments in the margin, etc. More of an interactive book marking procedure.

I need to write these papers and then I will need to do an experiment with children. I have two friends with 11 children between them. I may ask them to let me borrow their children briefly. I already know about what I plan to do. But I do need to pull this off. As easy as reading seems to be, I am finding it difficult. And then I went to write the paper on social cognition yesterday, but I passed out in a delerium of exhaustion instead---slept for three hours straight and still could barely get up. Then had a migraine just a couple of hours later---not what I'd call a good productive day!

So I need prayer. I am afraid I'm wearing out my prayer buddies. With the situation with Laura, I have continually asked for prayer. People are just people and have a limited amount of patience. The situation with Laura is going to continue for a very long time.

However, on a very kind note, the man who photographed Brandon with a professional grade camera, sent me a large poster sized framed picture of Brandon on the soccer field in his senior year. It is an excellent picture and we have hung it in our front room (where the tv is). How precious a gift. I need to contact him and thank him.

In spite of all that has occurred, I was shocked and grateful to still make an A for the class that was only seven weeks. It had all that work crammed into 7 weeks--and you think you might die trying to get it all done so quickly---then I was accepted to grad school on Feb 8 (I got the call during classtime) and then Brandon passed on Feb 14. By God's Grace, I went to class on the 15th and the 22nd and completed my long in-depth final paper, which was over 1/5 of my final grade. I finished with an A!! God is good and I was so grateful. I had just about given up the whole summa cum laude thingy and figured it didn't matter since I made it into grad school---but now I am endeavoring to finish my last two classes with a 4.0. After all, I only have TWO classes! I can pull this, I know.

I went ahead and declined an opportunity to present my research at my school's research conference, since I am presenting a poster at the Southwestern Psychological Association in April. That takes a small load off and it was optional--not a requirement. I am delaying working on refining a paper I wrote last semester. My hope was to get it to grad school quality with the work of my professor--but I'll work on that after I finish these classes.

I read some other ladies blog by just hitting the "next blog" button at the top right of this screen--and she had just finished this 20k race with her hubby. Wish I could do that sort of thing! I hear it is addictive. And a good addiction, I'd say. Beats the brownies I got into last night after making them for Laura per request.

Blessings to all my family and friends. I find myself acutely worrying that someone is going to die suddenly. I speak AGAINST that, yet I do realize we cannot stay in this form forever. I am glad I have grad school to look forward to--a lifelong dream coming true! I could not have imagined that there would come a day when I would get to talk psych all the time. Hooray! Dreams do come true.

But if my life should end prematurely, know that I was living my life to the fullest and following my dreams. I want to live on the edge--even if it costs. Brandon taught me that. We'll miss him forever, but he lived his life fully. We can too.

Mississippi Rivers flowing through Texas

Had some visitors for a few days.....O's health is not good. It was good they came by to see us, we enjoyed the visit. Laura is doing much better. She has made a definite upswing and may be able to start going to school---but that remains to be seen. She has been home most of the time and only goes back to school briefly. She has only dropped two classes and is still trying to complete four. We've already paid for the whole year, so we don't care what she wants to do--pass or fail--we love her and pray for her to recover and move forward.
I was sad to hear that Superman's wife died from lung cancer when she has never even smoked. I feel for the son of that couple who has now lost both his parents.
Anyway, number one son is always happy to see these folks come around. He got that great country cooking that he loves---and they boiled peanuts together. We all watched the Johnny Cash movie---we are related to Johnny Cash (his side). Pamaw knew all the people and all kinds of stuff about everyone and everyplace.
Headed to bed exhausted. Got some good photos, though. Sure might be able to get homework done tomorrow, I pray.
Wanted to check on Amy to find out about Baby Caleb and how his folks are holding up!
Love to any readers!!!!
Stephanie

Laura going out with friends

Hey, again, Laura is going out with friends. I'm asking Jesus....why didn't I ask for this sooner? Seems that God answers prayer--imagine that! Thank you Lord, I so appreciate You.
Laura was actually in a semi-good mood. S went to the mall with her and helped her pick out a new top that made L look great. So she called us at Chuy's and asked if she could please leave even though we weren't home yet, cause she wanted to get up to school. I haven't heard her talk that animated at all. So this is a great thing. I pray she has a fun time, an actual fun time. I talked with her about what J.P. prayed last night, that she'd know God loves her more than Brandon ever did or her Dad or her Mom---she says she knows that. But I hope it will get her thinking about it afresh. I think that's what God wants her to know.....

I get by with a little help from my friends.....

It is good and important to have a connection to group of people. I went to home group tonight and it was just good to be there. I don't feel that I am contributing much, but I sure do get a lot out of it most of the time. Just sort of coming together with other like minded people and reminding each other of what we think is important and sharing with each other what things might be going on in our lives. I do wish that I could be more supportive to A.H. on a daily basis. I know how hard it is to have four little ones. I am praying for her to find that place of peace in the Lord. Rest and joy when we focus on Him. It's hard to get time to do that when they are little. I'm so wrapped up in my own young ones--and they are BIG.

A big shout out to J.H. who read my blog! THANKS MAN! I appreciate it. Yes, it is good for long winded folks like me so that you only have to read this stuff if you feel like it. It is good to know someone is out there! I keep thinking that my Dad told me that I have to be careful not to embarrass myself (are you out there Dad?)--I have minimized who knows about the blog so that I can be a little more free than I would be if EVERYONE I knew had access.

Life is Hard

Today L was home. The youngest calls wanting to come home because her throat hurts. She wants to come nap for one class period. I text her that I am not coming, put her head on the desk. She continues to text me about coming home, finally saying she's coming home with friend A. I text back, "You better stay at school". It turns out that she got this text while in the driveway, so she calls her sister's cell. L says, Do not come home, stop freaking out.......So S walks back to school, calls her dad on the way, crying hard. So he emails me, but I never got that. I get it much later. Well OF COURSE she is going to be very sick NOW since she walked 2 miles in the heat when she was tired with a sore throat and was CRYING!!! For heaven's sake, the child brings so many problems on herself and has trouble seeing any one else's perspective. We are all stupid and mean to her. She will probably say to her friends, "My mom got mad at me because I was SICK!" Yes, she says things like that and actually means it. She, at 16, does not yet get the nuance of what is at issue and she never listens to you when you talk to her. She hears nothing but ...."I AM MAD AT YOU! YOU ARE BAD!" Even when you are not saying ANYTHING remotely like that. In fact, if I even have a slight exasperated tone, she says I am yelling at her and she goes off about it. I think it is a manipulative excuse to get someone to stop telling her what she did versus what she needs to do----she does not listen. AND she doesn't TALK either.
She clams up all the time. She doesn't know how to communicate about her feelings and she doesn't know how to talk about what she needs. All my training and education still leave me feeling hopeless about how to reach her when we have any disagreement. Oh my gosh, she is moody. Laura was too. I cannot decide which was worse. L wrung me out by going toe to toe on EVERY SINGLE THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD. But S won't say anything and thinks she is picked on. Anyone managing to read through this blog needs to stop and say a prayer for me. I AM TIRED! My stomach is cramping from trying to comfort L, deal with S's drama, and just run the house and get my homework done. Things keep sliding. I had a meeting today at 11 that I thought was tomorrow. I've already put this professor off a couple of times. First I was behind because I was so happy about grad school that I took the liberty of celebrating by not working for a few days. Then Brandon died and our whole world turned upside down and L became the priority as we all struggled to comprehend what had happened. Now time is dragging by and things have to get done, but we cannot get back into a routine---Laura isn't ready. Sarah probably doesn't like all the focus on L, either, which doesn't make conflict with her any easier.
However, on another PRAISE REPORT! I asked for prayer that Laura's friends would ask her out so that she would not be so depressed AND THEY DID!!!! She is going out with several friends to a girl's dorm party. PLEASE PRAY THAT AGAIN!!! pray that Laura's friends would call her and press her to go with them to various activities. Laura loves that normally and it will help her get into new routines.
I pray the Lord bless you with peace, joy, and strength, in Jesus name.

One student placed in Cambridge

just remembered that one.
Also, my deepest thanks to Amore (C.H). I checked messages today to find that she left a message Tuesday PM. Laura's mood took a deep dive on Tuesday pm and that night Mr and I prayed for God to please show us SOMEHOW that He WAS taking care of her--we wanted some visible SIGN that He heard our prayers for her.
Then to hear my friend's voice call to say that Laura was on her heart SO STRONGLY and she called to check on us. That was exactly what I wanted to hear. Thanks Friend! You've encouraged my faith and hope.

universities

Forgot to mention! The other prospective students were from Princeton, Georgetown U (in DC), Wellesley, and U of Chicago. They had their Masters already! And the program has placed students in outstanding universities--they mentioned that they have almost 100% success getting students in where they want--unless they are trying to stay in the Chicago area...which takes more effort. They've placed students in Duke, Cornell, Penn State, and several others that I cannot remember. So I may try to get a position at Baylor.
Continue to the next post for my story about my visit....

Trip North and my daughter

Laura is having a down swing again. She is back at school and her routine is disrupted because he is not there. She has tried going to classes. Today she is supposed to go drop a few. I was hoping all her friends would drag her out, but when I call, she is in her dorm watching TV. She is crying and depressed. Please pray for her and remember his mother, father, and brother, too.

It is strange having two diametrically opposed (emotion-wise) experiences. One of the most tragic experiences in my life is occurring at the same time as one of the highest points in my life. This is certainly NOT a boring period.

So on the up note, my trip to the big city was fantastic. Northern cities are quite different from what I am familiar with, but I do enjoy change.

I arrived by plane at night, so I could not see much. Then we drove on small streets all the way there, which I found odd since I take I-35 most days, and the shops are little ones crammed together (like in India) except with buildings over them. It looked like Seinfield sets. The people were all bundled up. I was fortunate to have great weather. It was cold, but the wind was not high.

I went to a student's apartment which was brick, three or four story shaped like a "C" with a courtyard in the center. It was gated. Then you go in a door to a staircase which has access to only two apartments per floor. Her apartment had hardwood floors, 2 bedrooms, 1 bath--very pottery barn and artsy. I LOVED IT. (however--I have four bathrooms at home and cannot imagine only having one bathroom! I prefer a private personal one and a public pristine one at a minimum).

She showed me some of the little city around the campus in the morning and it was beautiful. Very nice suburb with huge rich homes and then cute little newer shops along the main streets.
Brick is very common, it looks very nice. The campus is great. I liked it very much. There weren't many people out for some reason, but it was all beautiful. I was impressed and just continue to be surprised I am there. I couldn't help but wonder if they let me in on the minority ticket (which WAS my plan, of course) because I met the other students and they were so impressive.

I went to the morning meeting and THERE WAS MY PROFESSOR! He looked just like his pictures and was very friendly. The other students had not accepted yet, so the whole day was set up to convince us that this was the place to go. When we introduced ourselves, I have no idea what I said, something dorky!
The other students were from Princeton, Georgetown, Wellesley, and two from University of Chicago--and me. And they had their masters already! I was so excited to be there!!! They all impressed me so much. There was one other guy and he had done his undergrad at that school--he told me after dinner that my excitement got him excited and he was going to accept! So at least I am good for something! I helped them get one of their candidates in.
The stuff they were all interested in was so fascinating, too. I would be here writing for quite some time--but I'll skip it for now.
We met about 8 professors who told us what they were working on and we met with our individual possible advisors (except for me --he IS my advisor). We had lunch with a bunch of grad students which was really fun. We introduced ourselves again for the forty seventh time--which was hard on me because I am so dorky happy! But I finally got my shpiel together and made it academic "I'm interested in narrative identity theory, autobiographical memory and the way people tell their story to make sense of their lives" something like that. At first I was saying, "I've got three children 21, 18, and 16 and I've been married 23 years and he won't be coming with me--so that will be hard but he is very supportive" (dork) Then sometime I remembered to say that I was a psychology major and an organizational communication minor. and then I said something about Texas and the rose bowl.
I met the other students that work with my advisor. They were fun and I think we'll get along great. I had a meeting with him and I loved it. he had a wall of books and I asked him about different ones. which reminds me that I am going to write him about a summer reading list.

So I flew home and had a BUMPY ride---glad for dramamine which makes it tolerable. I would have been screaming or....nevermind, I took dramamine, it was fine. Enough of that, suffice to say I had a wonderful time and I'm looking forward to all the fun hard work.

Please pray for Laura. She really needs it. Thanks.