Today L was home. The youngest calls wanting to come home because her throat hurts. She wants to come nap for one class period. I text her that I am not coming, put her head on the desk. She continues to text me about coming home, finally saying she's coming home with friend A. I text back, "You better stay at school". It turns out that she got this text while in the driveway, so she calls her sister's cell. L says, Do not come home, stop freaking out.......So S walks back to school, calls her dad on the way, crying hard. So he emails me, but I never got that. I get it much later. Well OF COURSE she is going to be very sick NOW since she walked 2 miles in the heat when she was tired with a sore throat and was CRYING!!! For heaven's sake, the child brings so many problems on herself and has trouble seeing any one else's perspective. We are all stupid and mean to her. She will probably say to her friends, "My mom got mad at me because I was SICK!" Yes, she says things like that and actually means it. She, at 16, does not yet get the nuance of what is at issue and she never listens to you when you talk to her. She hears nothing but ...."I AM MAD AT YOU! YOU ARE BAD!" Even when you are not saying ANYTHING remotely like that. In fact, if I even have a slight exasperated tone, she says I am yelling at her and she goes off about it. I think it is a manipulative excuse to get someone to stop telling her what she did versus what she needs to do----she does not listen. AND she doesn't TALK either.
She clams up all the time. She doesn't know how to communicate about her feelings and she doesn't know how to talk about what she needs. All my training and education still leave me feeling hopeless about how to reach her when we have any disagreement. Oh my gosh, she is moody. Laura was too. I cannot decide which was worse. L wrung me out by going toe to toe on EVERY SINGLE THING IN THE WHOLE WORLD. But S won't say anything and thinks she is picked on. Anyone managing to read through this blog needs to stop and say a prayer for me. I AM TIRED! My stomach is cramping from trying to comfort L, deal with S's drama, and just run the house and get my homework done. Things keep sliding. I had a meeting today at 11 that I thought was tomorrow. I've already put this professor off a couple of times. First I was behind because I was so happy about grad school that I took the liberty of celebrating by not working for a few days. Then Brandon died and our whole world turned upside down and L became the priority as we all struggled to comprehend what had happened. Now time is dragging by and things have to get done, but we cannot get back into a routine---Laura isn't ready. Sarah probably doesn't like all the focus on L, either, which doesn't make conflict with her any easier.
However, on another PRAISE REPORT! I asked for prayer that Laura's friends would ask her out so that she would not be so depressed AND THEY DID!!!! She is going out with several friends to a girl's dorm party. PLEASE PRAY THAT AGAIN!!! pray that Laura's friends would call her and press her to go with them to various activities. Laura loves that normally and it will help her get into new routines.
I pray the Lord bless you with peace, joy, and strength, in Jesus name.
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