Today I am discouraged that my blog is so plain. Why aren't I having what I THOUGHT was my usual deep thoughts?
I was considering people who have what I call a victim spirit and what can also be called stories of contamination. Related to the way people tell their autobiographical episodes. Whenever someone tells you a story of their life--any story at any time--they have chosen the particular story to share. It stands out in their memory among all the millions of events they have experienced and it is often relevent to whatever the conversation or the context of the moment may be. Most stories are socially acceptable if they have a beginning, middle, and end--so when someone wants to tell you about something that happened in their life, they will frame it in such a way.
Some people often share stories of how they managed to triumph, some tell stories of how close they were to someone, others maybe how they got away with some trickery, others make jokes of their difficulties---but the ones I was thinking of today would be the whiners.
I don't mean it in a derogatory way. Anyone who has seen me tired knows that I am a whiner! Big Time! I'm just labeling.
I think some people cannot find a way to be successful in this society by society's standards. They may --or may not-- want to, but they can't. And so they come up with reasons why they are never able to make it. It is always someone's fault. Someone to blame. Another bad unforeseen circumstance that kept them from rising up. It is better than just saying they are lazy. That is very unAmerican.
That is NOT to say that poor or unsuccessful people are lazy. As I have traversed social classes, I find incredible an incredible work ethic in the whole range of socio-economic classes. For the poor, though, there are GENUINE setbacks related to financial situations.
When you are a single mother working a wage job and someone runs into your car--you have a BIG problem. For the middle class, it is a major irritation and there will be concern and consolation all around--shoot, the insurance hassles alone get sympathetic murmurings. But the single mother? She loses her job! Then what? And in the old days, she may not have even had insurance. So no car, no nothing. No one helping her pay to go to the doctor to see about her neck. No chiropractor visits to get it all aligned nicely.
But I mean the men and women who have so much potential, but really are not interested in using it. We are such a gung-ho society where you have to "Be All That You Can Be" but that can be very hard.
For my personal situation, I always hated framing my life in terms of early marriage and pregnancy. Not that I was ashamed of my man or my boy! Not at all! But .....it isn't RIGHT to go marrying at age 17. It isn't RIGHT to have a baby when you are 18. (at least I was NOT pregnant when I married----I've gotten those assuming looks, though). Yet for me, these events defined my life. I did not go to college and instead planned the next child. When she was one, I was headed to nursing school---feeling that I was right on time and doing okay after all---AND THEN! Here comes baby three.
Well, if that was the best pregnancy, the most supportive birthing environment, and the sweetest little newborn. But I had to face the fact that I was only 24 years old and had THREE CHILDREN---gosh, what a hick! Thankfully, the mister headed into school himself and not a moment too soon.
So I understood people telling the story of how they just can't make it because of this or that. I was THERE. When I was 29, I was freaking. WHAT HAVE I DONE WITH MY LIFE???? Besides, I thought Jesus would have come back before I turned 30. I guess I didn't plan to get so old.....and when I DID plan.....I was thinking, "Well, I guess I can just be a mom forever because I don't see how I will ever do anything with three---and then the fourth, too"
So in my story, I hit the bottom there. Realized I was FULLY invested in mothering and it was not really what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, but how to extricate myself from the entire world I had built around me. The ideal mommy role was very hard to shake. Even as I pushed towards school, the competing demands of family, pulled me back.
I envied those women who can do it all. How do they? If I am only doing one thing, I can do that well, but I cannot be all things to all people. I had to let most of my social life go in order to make school time. I had to give up church work---which I find EXTREMELY satisfying--in order to focus. My mister had to take up some of my slack---which he has done very well.
But it has been so hard that I see why some women just don't want to. Now, I cannot understand how anyone can stand just sitting at home watching TV. I thought I would die when my life was full of TV.
Now I am feeling successful by societies standards. Man, if I can stay sane enough to pull this off, I will be getting my DREAM JOB---how cool is that??? TOO COOL!! Thank You Lord. AND for the most part, my children are doing good---of course, L is a bit down right now--but that is temporary and to be expected.
By the way, I am thinking that K is not going to go north with me. He is so stubborn! And he likes the heat way down.
I was really trying to tell a story, but we have company and everyone is running around me. L's friend brought her female dog and our Motz is going NUTZO, bezerk and other similar words.
My thoughts have gone disjointed. More about contamination stories later. It was supposed to be deep thoughts and it turned into rambling AGAIN.
I am praying for A.H. to have peace. I am praying for J.P's man to get that job! I am praying for C.T. to get that thesis done, approved and LOVED BY EVERYONE ---along with good jobs and lots of money--I am praying for C.H. that she gets time to herself. I am praying for C.G. for blessings in her job. I am praying for T.L. to be comforted and supported by her man and that their relationship prosper. I am praying for W.T.C. that his nose heals. I am praying for M.C. that his house closes successfully. I am praying for D.C. that she is blessed in her job and that they value her. I am praying for H.S. that she is able to get her schoolwork organized and finished before the appointed time so that she can get her bosses position. I am praying for L.R. that she will press towards Jesus for comfort. I am praying for S.R. that her moods are stable! I am praying for K.R. that his job recognize him for all his achievements and allow him to do the job he chooses. I am praying for S.R. that he continue to find favor at work. I am praying for S. R. that she gets her papers written and finishes her degree with a 4.0.
In Jesus' name, Amen.
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